Divorce and $$$$

EconomistVisible2767 · 2024-11-15T17:17:01+00:00

I didn't find anything worthwhile.

I talked to a few friends, family, and a handful of financial people. My dad was a CPA in his day and we talk a lot. But he's been out of circulation for a while. Credit unions offer free resources including access to financial advisers. I tried two different CUs financial guy. I talked to Edward Jones and another local big management firm. And I tapped into my work resources which were actually the best of the bunch.

So, first, both my ex and I have pensions. There's no management to be done there.

Outside of that, I have about $500k in investments split across stock, 401k, 403b, IRAs and CDs. Half a million after divorce. And I guess everyone is rich in my area. I can't attract financial management people. Most pass me over, act bored, give a thumbs up, and just tell me to keep doing what I'm doing. One told me to ask my dad what I'd be getting from my inheritance. We have a good relationship, but not that good. These professional finance talks shook my confidence in retirement a lot but were otherwise useless.

Friends tell me "index funds." No fees. No overhead. The economy is good for investing. I have probably $200k I can sink into that. And honestly, I think it's not too difficult to beat some of the DC plans especially considering fees. I just haven't done it yet. One friend told me to use BOA to get an account to Merrill Lynch which is apparently a index fund playground. Another friend came up with a creative method of maxing out all retirement contributions, throwing myself from a $160k taxable income to a $80k taxable income, and supplementing the difference with cash. Basically, rolling the CDs into retirement with a high percentage gain. I've toyed with this but have yet to do it.

As for her? I mean, who knows. It depends on her openness to you being a shepherd. My ex will do the exact opposite of what I tell her no matter how good the advice and intention. She's been nursing a "fuck you" for about four years now and this is how she feels good about life. We don't talk.

How well your ex does is really 90% under her control with you perhaps having very minimal nudges, many which might send her spiraling.

Also, r/personalfinance is a good sub to join.

MyNewNormal808 · 2024-11-15T11:21:48+00:00

Not sure if this applies, but once we got close to a finalize agreement of "who gets what" regarding investments, accounts, etc., I paid to have a divorce accountant (I didn't know there was such a thing until my boss told me about it) to go over the proposed agreement. He looked at it and said it was a good agreement which gave me the peace of mind that I wasn't getting the short end of a deal when signing it.

SomeVeryTiredGuy · 2024-11-14T16:17:03+00:00

Divorce financial planning is a whole industry I didn't realize existed 6 months ago but mine is saving my life. Google them in your area. Talk to more than one for a vibe check. The initial consultations are free.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2024-11-13T01:34:51+00:00

It’s not your problem if your wife is going to be okay. You have worried about her long enough.

Make a budget and see how much it will cost you to live.

Your lawyer should be able to guesstimate child support and alimony.

techrmd3 · 2024-11-13T01:28:33+00:00

Yes I got a financial advisor to "advise me"

Mostly a waste of time (they advised) 1 for 1 dollar valuation of retirement accounts... which is WRONG. I ended up paying a bit more than I wished to. And I got no actual "kindness" from the ex recognizing my "gift".

If I had it to do all over again I would have paid for an Attorney that was more financially savvy. I would have paid for a no kidding audit (outside counsel attorney to review and provide numbers to me) and have them value retirement at a discount based on tax law, for dollar for dollar comparisons.

I would have traded retirement at 0.80 to 1 dollar normal assets and make sure I had the receipts to back up claim so ex would not think of litigating.

THEN after divorce I would have gone back to that financial advisor and said HERE is my finances what do you recommend. NOW

Mostly I am mad that the correct valuation of certain assets was not done, and I regret not ordering a no kidding valuation.

captainchippsixx · 2024-11-12T17:57:39+00:00

That depends if you have to pay her alimony and if you have kids. If yes to both it sucks. You will have to write a budget for your household minus if you have to pay. The killer in a budget is the 1-2 things that happened that are one times. Car repair, excise tax, dentist bill, new phone, etc. you have to plan for $$$ for these every month.

leaving4me · 2024-11-12T16:45:50+00:00

Divorce is expensive. You are effectively doubling the cost of living between the 2 of you before you consider the division of assets and any type of support that may be owed. When "amicable" turns not so amicable as it often does then $10's of thousands worth of those assets go to attorneys. But.......you can always make more money and freedom is worth the cost.

No_Pace2396 · 2024-11-12T16:25:37+00:00

Divorce mediators will do this. Have caveats, but if you’re amicable then this will save and keep you both living a higher standard than litigation.

Reflog1791 · 2024-11-12T15:58:12+00:00

Talk to an accountant to prep for taxes. They know all about divorce and $$.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2024-11-12T15:55:39+00:00

Talking to a financial advisor makes sense, especially if you aren't the best at planning and budgeting.

"Life coaching" is almost universally a scam. There's no qualification for being one, expect giving yourself a label.

Title	Divorce and $$$$
Author	CostaMesaDave
Upvotes	6
Comments	11
Date	November 12, 2024 3:47 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gpnpvi/divorce_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-and.1535545 https://theredarchive.com/post/1535545

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