My wife came home from a travel job a month ago and we had plans to go to a Halloween festival. She said she wasn’t planning on telling me til later in the week, but I knew something was up and she told me she had downloaded POF and met someone whom she said was exactly like her and they did drugs and had sex in her hotel w her new traveling job. She kept saying I never listened to her and never understood her and that she was miserable and feared dying in our house.

Our relationship changed when she went to the hospital earlier on in the year with a minor stroke. She’s just now turned 33. I was extremely concerned w her health and we were engaged so we went to the court house to get married and put her on my health insurance.

I know I could have been a better husband. She had a low sex drive some months back and I was told to just deal with it. Her sex drive picked up with a change in meds and I guess I felt like she was selfish in only wanting to when she was drunk at 2am when I had to wake up at 430. Her drinking was an issue for me as she would just talk shit and argue when I came home from work and I would end up going to another room in the house to get away from those situations. She said she never wanted me to buy a house and wanted us to rent. I told her that our plan was to move in a few years to Michigan and that buying a house would give us equity to move easier. .

I remember the last few times we had plans. A movie, a concert, and an art exhibit. We were at odds for different reasons. The art exhibit was something I enjoyed when I went by myself but her alcohol consumption made her inebriated and she started throwing things at a distillery next to the art studios. I left abruptly because i didn’t want to be in that position. She ended up free falling into a chained off area outside and ended up with poison oak. She went to the hospital and UC 3x for this. All preventable had she been in a better state of mind. A month before her asking for a divorce she was drunk one night and wet the bed. She did this a lot but it was kind of normal for her. I woke up in her urine and told her that she needed to slow down or stop drinking and told her that if she didn’t make some changes I would want a divorce myself. She said that alcohol was the only thing that she enjoyed. It hurt because I have been supporting her this whole time and she didn’t enjoy me or our 3 dogs.

Still, I made plans for this festival and even bought HIMS to assist in our sex life as I wasn’t as aroused as before. She came home and dropped the bomb and said she had cheated on me this way to end the relationship with no talking things out and then end up at odds weeks down the road. All of this has caught me by surprise and I’m still shook. The relationship was far from perfect. I’m far from perfect. I know I didn’t go out and do more things w her because low income w her not working steadily and being tired from work. I didnt listen but she also didn’t communicate. She had quit 2 jobs and didn’t even tell me until 3-4 days after. I felt that she didn’t communicate with me at all but she said I never listened to her. We both weren’t in a good place but I loved her with all my heart.

This guy she met in Utah is now traveling w her to GA for her to get a job and save up money to get an RV or van to travel across the country. She said I had told her I would never do that, but I would have loved to travel. I just didn’t see it as something realistic due to the home repair bills that have mounted up since i bought the house. She threw the I told you so at me when our plumbing when to shit and cost 25k to fix which won’t be paid off for years.

Now I’m stuck with all of this debt. We moved to a different state to get into this house and I had to live w my mother to establish employment in the state while I paid her half of the rent back in GA while still saving money for the house. I did this for our family. Which is her and the 3 dogs. I could have paid her more attention, I could have done things that she wanted, but she just stayed in the house, which is odd because she said she didn’t wanna die in that house like I was the one keeping her there and not working or making friends herself. The arguing, her immaturity, and her drinking made the relationship difficult to manage. It has caused a lot of stress for me but because I loved her I wanted to take care of her. The relationship changed to me being a caregiver. All this being said, I still love her and am hurt by her decision to cheat on me with such malicious intent. It sucks because she’s infatuated w this guy who is basically just along for the ride but that’s what she wants because he is just like her (her words). The blindside was unfair after all of the things I’ve done for her in the relationship. But I know, life’s not fair. The sad thing is, if she were to show up at my front door or even expressed any interest to get back together, idk what I’d say or do. I’d like to say I’d be willing to attempt a reconciliation but my mind is so foggy rn. One day I want her back, the next I’m angry at her and the situation and am glad I don’t have to deal with the bad stuff. Each day my emotions and thoughts are racing from one extreme to the other and wondering what I could have done to prevent this. I could have done better but didn’t act on it because I wasn’t happy with the situation either. I love her so much though I was going to suggest counseling but she has no intentions to keep our relationship going.

I told her I was taking her off car insurance 3 weeks ago and she ended up getting 2 tickets out of state and her car impounded. I took joy in this due to her actions. I hope this stalls their plans on selling her car and getting an rv or van to travel. I’m awaiting her copy of the divorce papers to arrive so she can sign them. I need those papers to get her off my health insurance so I could have more money to pay off this debt.

Why do I still feel like I want her to see the error in her ways and try and make things work out? Is it ego? Was it because I feel robbed of an attempt at making things right? Is it because I love her so god damn much I dealt with a lot more than anyone should in a relationship? When will the depression, anger, sadness, and hurt go away?

I loved the fact that she made me feel important for most of the relationship. She was a positive, live life to its fullest type of person who would make jokes that go over peoples heads but us just like I did. Or going to concerts on mushrooms or acid and having amazing sex afterwards. I’m 7 yrs older than her and she made me feel young until this last yr. Now I feel stuck in my ways and tired from working 50+ hrs a week. It’s been a month now and I don’t know how to get through all the pain and emotions I’m dealing w day and night. When does the healing start? Does it get better when the papers are finally signed? I know that will cut more ties with us not having to communicate as much, but she still wants to take the dogs on trips with her new boyfriend and share custody of them so I would still be in contact w her. I hate how she’s so happy rn and I’m stuck dealing w fucking EVERYTHING.

How long until I feel better from all of this? Will it get better? Do I hold out hope that she one day she comes back to work on things we didn’t work on? I don’t know what to do to start my whole life over at 40 now. Is that why I secretly hope her relationship fails and she comes back? Any type of insight or advice would be helpful