Oldest kid told me she wants to reduce time with me because I locked her tablet and potential alienation

Apprehensive_Bit_827 · 2024-12-04T00:32:46+00:00

Dude you absolutely correct in how you are going about this situation...you don't need to apologize to anyone ..especially just saying what you pay and her reality suoer big house ...she is 12 she can handle the convo ...just log everything you do so when the 12 year old is grown and miserable and tries to blame you ,you have proof it was her sorry about the situation

swapode · 2024-11-28T09:36:03+00:00

Your daughter is a 12 year old girl who grew up in a traumatic environment with emotionally unreliable parents, so she has to find her own answers, which inevitable are childish and unhealthy. That's the only thing I can tell you with absolute certainty from your posts. And that's the only thing where you could make a difference, if you're willing to put in the work.

I'm sure that your ex is a manipulative piece of work and that you've suffered many injustices. You can't change that.

You could work on getting better yourself, ideally with a bit of professional help. Get a handle on your own emotions. Then, and only then, you might have a good chance to actually connect with your daughter and help her find some trust and get a handle on her own emotions, so she can become a functioning adult.

I understand that other comments that focus on blame are more comfortable. But they are not helpful. Not for you and certainly not for your daughter.

I'd also recommend refraining from punishment. Whatever message you're trying to send clearly isn't received and will only add to her confusion.

Unusual_University14 · 2024-11-27T17:15:55+00:00

Teens will start poking to get around discipline and use the divorce to their advantage. They test boundaries and consequences anyway, but the divorce gives a unique opportunity to do so.

You are entitled to discipline as you see fit (within reason). The money means your ex was involved in the conversation. So she tried to use the opportunity. But it is a developmental stage for teens as well. I get this with my 14 year old daughter from time to time.

My kids have brought up money before, and I say "that's none of your business". They try to bring up visitation or schedule changes and I say "that's a discussion between your parents and I will never have that discussion with you in the middle".

regertsrus · 2024-11-27T12:15:15+00:00

Your daughter is exposed to your wife who sings a song in her ear. There is not much you can do. The only thing you can do, is give her a better life with you. Kids (girls in partical) can be very self centered. Some will grow out of that. Others will remain that way. You can have a convo about this but at the end of the day she will want to stay where she is most comfortable and this is not uncommon. I was in a similar situation. I I climbed out of roach motels and began dating, I found myself in a new family. The new family had a sister she never had and now they share a room and a life under my room. I went from having my daughter no overnights to now 50/50 with her sneaking away to my house more often and now more like 60/40 in my favor. I pay child support for 3 kids. In a year or so that may change drastically if this keeps on. The boys are much better in many ways. But when a girl is touched by an angel she can be amazing. One of our 5 kids, the oldest a 17yo female really is a selfless and kind being. They are rare. Most teenagers girls who are both popular and outgoing are very selfish. The phones are destructive to women in general far more then men

6499232 · 2024-11-27T11:17:27+00:00

You shouldn't lock her tablet. It has been studied and proven that these punishments do not work. Even if your "disciplining" is reasonable and justified it still won't work long term. If you want her to be a responsible adult then you won't achieve it this way.

apatrol · 2024-11-27T04:52:07+00:00

12 year old are very money aware. At that age they are starting to want to use a bit of spending power for lotions and light makeup if allowed. Their own clothes, games, and etc.

Many banks now have kid debit cards that allow parents to add allowance to as well as set chores that may pay extra. That earned money can be set to by parents to categories it can be spent on or percentage that has to be saved.

Confident-Crawdad · 2024-11-27T04:17:09+00:00

It's a sad surprise to learn how materialistic kids can be.

My youngest went no-contact because I dared to insist on spousal support, which threatened her gravy train from mumsy.

How sharper than a serpent's tooth, indeed

henrysmyagent · 2024-11-27T04:09:40+00:00

Classic parental alienation. Documented everything.

Do not discuss or defend your parental decisions with a 12 year old. There has never been a preteen who knew what was best for them.

That's why they have parents instead of apartments.

Communicate in writing to your ex that it is inappropriate to use your child to settle scores and milk more money out of you.

Get with your attorney after the holiday and take action on your ex-s pathetic attempts to alienate your child from you.

Ps. Stick to the visitation plan. Period.

Title	Oldest kid told me she wants to reduce time with me because I locked her tablet and potential alienation
Author	ABBucsfan
Upvotes	19
Comments	32
Date	November 27, 2024 3:49 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1h0vboj/oldest_kid_told_me_she_wants_to_reduce_time_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/oldest-kid-told-me-she-wants-to-reduce-time-with.1536977 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536977

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