When people say the rich marry the rich - are they talking about men who come from money or men who are self made?

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-12-23T02:20:08+00:00

Yes.

Repeatedly, I have seen self-made men want to marry women who have the same traits they have that created their social mobility - this doubles for vetting for women who respect what is required to be self-made and don't take it for granted. A woman with an extremely high work ethic in her own right is often spoken of highly.

From-wealth men want women who don't need to be "trained" on how to act in their social circles, or what norms are expected of their children, or what mindsets are needed in order to just mentally process having the funds access that they do, etc. It's a LOT of work to take even the most conscientious out-of-class woman and make her anything close to a natural in their world. Far easier to marry your father's golfing buddy's Harvard roommate's daughter.

That's besides the normal things most men want of woman, like agreeableness and joyful disposition.

Both groups are extremely wary of women who just want a cushy ride, at least for the woman they intend to raise children with. Arm candy has its place but the family-minded men in either group really want a woman who is signing on to partner with them in life, not just spend their money and suck them off. Interestingly enough, some incredibly intelligent men who are astute in the business sphere are absolutely trash at vetting for what they want in women. But if they've created a decent enough social circle for themselves they'll be warned off of gold-diggers by their more socially aware buddies before things get too serious.

That said, 99% of the time doctors and lawyers are upper middle class - or just middle class - rather than rich. If you're talking about the ones who go on to own their own practices with many under them, though, you can get into self-made rich territory. Otherwise, middle class doesn't usually have any qualms about marrying fellow middle class... but the data shows the top most likely profession of a middle class person's spouse is nearly always their same profession or field. Teachers most frequently marry teachers, for example, and lawyers most frequently marry lawyers.

https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2016-who-marries-whom/

aussiedollface2 · 2024-12-23T02:03:01+00:00

In my opinion definitely old money behave like this, and some new money. It’s no different to other classes or subsets of society marrying people mostly similar to themselves.

dressedlikeadaydream · 2024-12-23T11:37:39+00:00

You do see doctors marry school teachers but what you may not realize is a lot of those teachers come from money too. I know lots of women who went out and got "average" jobs that don't pay much (teacher, nurse, personal trainer and life coach seem to be the most popular) and married wealthy husbands because they came from wealthy families and already ran in those circles where they had a lot of commonalities already. As others have pointed out, a lot of it is being with someone who just "gets" how other people with money are, and is already familiar with the expectations. This is my experience with old money. New money is more forgiving but I find still has a strong element of wanting to fit in and so they don't trend against the norm as much as you'd expect.

One-Sentence4136 · 2024-12-23T05:26:06+00:00

I’m a [male] software engineer making ~500k. My fiancee is currently unemployed taking care of her grandmother. She grew up upper middle class, and is an elegant, nurturing, feminine, agreeable, attractive, poised, well-spoken woman. At my income, I’m not interested in what she can bring to the table financially. I want well-adjusted children with a highly involved mother. I want to be with her because I know that she will be the biggest influence on my children, and she’s an admirable human. I don’t desire to marry a business woman to raise business children, I can afford to marry a well-rounded, responsible, pleasant, nurturing, kind, devoted mothering figure. She’s a college dropout, and last worked a few odd jobs in HR for tech companies. On our first date, it was clear to me that she was a uniquely valuable person, and her career isn’t any significant aspect of her value. Each year, my compensation increases by 50-100k, so I’d rather have a partner focused on non-income things, and my current partner desires the same things. As I’m in the top 5% in income, I want a partner in the top 5% in “caretaking” - and she’s just that.

I’m 32, new money, and fairly middle class. I just want to create an environment where an incredible woman can be full-time devoted to raising incredible children. Of course, all other aspects of our relationship are great too, but we click due to our shared desire to dedicate our lives to raising great kids. I have the income to provide an environment for her to shine brightly where she’s most skilled and desires to dedicate her attention most - nurturing children.

She joked that there were many occasions on first/second dates that men would tell her they want to marry her and start a family immediately. I joke that she has “resting wife face.”

sakuroso · 2024-12-23T08:53:34+00:00

It's called homogamy and it's well studied.

ParticularGarden7311 · 2024-12-23T01:06:42+00:00

i think it probably has more to do with the life experiences that each person has more than the money itself, like two people who grew up in wealthy families would have more similar childhood memories and values, or two people who both work in medicine or law would have similar busy daily schedules and work related things to talk about. and just general morality/values/relationship dynamic expectations are sometimes effected by financial status, like ideas about prenups, household labor, marriage, assets, types of pets or houses you want to own, children, and the roles of extended family. i think its either way self made or family money, but id imagine self made wealth would have more in common with someone who doesnt make as much and still could have a lot of other stuff in common.

Deplorable_X · 2024-12-23T07:50:24+00:00

I live in a very expensive large city. The idea that high-income professionals marry teachers has started to die out.

Life is so expensive, most of my friends married women with comparatively equal income brackets.

For a good story, I told a friend my last year at university (graduate) that she will never find a place with so many eligible men with the same education level, once she finish our degrees. She didn't care, and is still unmarried to this day. Many of my female colleagues from university still unmarried. Baffles me why some women think they can defeat logic.

2024-12-23T02:13:16+00:00

I think that is usually the case, if you are a Nepo baby you grow with a certain life style, go to certain schools and work in high ranking positions, so most of their known people who see equal are from similar background, if they go out with someone from a "lower class" I don't think their family or lawyers advise them to marry without some heavy prenuptial agreement. Self made people didn't grow in this background so they are more open to go with more people or they already have a life with someone known from their past, still I think some not small % will try to go for the swan meat just to integrate and show off.

Helpful_Penalty_6811 · 2024-12-24T17:47:17+00:00

I’m a nurse. I work with many doctors who are married to other doctors. It’s uncommon to see a doctor married to a nurse these days. I know many couples who are both lawyers. These days men want to date their equal.

plein_old · 2024-12-23T20:20:04+00:00

No I think this is completely untrue for a portion of the population.

A man who earns enough to support a family doesn't necessarily want to marry a person who is just like himself. He might want more of a stay-at-home wife to mother his children. This actually used to be the "norm" or the "standard" that most people adhered to, if you go back more than 110 years ago, before WW I. The new model of two career-oriented people getting together is a new invention, relatively speaking.

Then if you are talking about Rothschilds and Rockefellers and that sort of thing, or if you are one of the very top A-list actresses in Hollywood, then yes you will probably date and marry someone in the same group. This might be for completely different reasons though, depending on who you ask.

AutoModerator · 2024-12-23T00:51:08+00:00

Title: When people say the rich marry the rich - are they talking about men who come from money or men who are self made?

Author Top-Crab-1020

Full text: I keep seeing this sentiment everywhere and I kinda don’t understand what kind of “rich” they are talking about. Are they talking about nepo babies?

I would think a successful doctor or lawyer would marry a school teacher but maybe I’m wrong bc actually don’t see it very often

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OkKaleidoscope9696 · 2025-01-07T05:32:37+00:00

Men who come from money definitely gravitate toward rich women (either self made or who come from money). Men who are new money are more open-minded, and so are their families. Guys who come from money have families with certain expectations for the kinds of women they bring home.

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