I have everything but the approach part down

CoachSlyDating · 2025-03-04T03:02:36+00:00

Baby steps, you don’t approach the 10 right away. You learn to get really comfortable talking to the least intimidating people in the environment and slowly work your way up. Pushing your comfort zone a little further each time.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-03-04T11:48:54+00:00

It's 'status' dynamics (which is the point).

You can't just go into a foreign environment and express yourself freely; because of the evolutionary pressure that you threaten the heirarchy, some 'alpha' guy notices and kills you.

Ergo, that doing simple things like starting conversations, being expressive, having a personality, having charisma, is an indication that you feel 'safe' and comfortable to do so (you feel some degree of 'status' in the environment).

Gaining a sense of 'status' in the environment is 'game'. Obviously, getting external permission is one way (which is obviously unrealiable and passive). A more proactive way is through taking active responsibilty to relax, 'let go', feel at ease in the environment, warm up by speaking to some people and recognizing there is no 'threat', and so on.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-03-04T02:37:38+00:00

It's getting into state, unfortunately you get into state by getting rejected over and over again. See my approach anxiety post and do the calibration excercises, they work really well for most people.

See my post on the principles of a good approach and implement those into your opener. Girls who approached you immeidately arrived at hook point, this is something you'll have to notice when you're cold approaching and transition back to your natural escalation and flirting skills after they achieve hook point.

Dwerg1 · 2025-03-04T07:55:02+00:00

You're not gonna like it, but what I did was to go against the feeling of anxiety. It was my enemy, if I felt it I knew I wanted to approach and I knew I'd feel it a lot stronger if I did, but it's just a feeling and it can't hurt me so I did it anyways.

I also mentally separated feelings and actions. I can't really control how I happen to feel by will, but I can control the movement of my body. So I did not engage with the emotion of anxiety, just put it aside and took direct control of my body, physically moving myself over to the girl.

As for what to say when you get there? Whatever, the more I'd think about it the less likely I would be to take the plunge to just approach. I made a rule for myself to resist thinking about it, full focus on moving my ass over there and just dealing with what to say when I get there. My idea being that walking up and putting myself in a situation where backing out will be more anxiety inducing than saying literally anything would put enough pressure on my mind to just conjure something up out of nothing right as I need it. In my case it worked, I used my anxiety to my advantage.

If my mind can conjure up a billion convincing excuses in the moment I consider approaching, it sure as fuck can conjure up whatever else to avoid the embarrassment of backing out.

You're also putting way too much pressure on yourself by having to "keep them all entertained". You don't need to do that. Never spend more than 50% effort in keeping entertainment going, they can spend the other 50%, if they don't then they're boring. You're not there to impress them like a performer, you're there because you think they might be interesting and want to see if they actually are. In fact you need to allow them space for them to show that. If they're not fun at all it's you who should reject them and walk away.

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-03-06T12:33:30+00:00

I’m 36v been going out 15 years. Still get approach anxiety really bad. Never goes away. 3 second rule can help. Going out every week and doing approaches helps. Just have to do it no way around it

MrPound4Pound · 2025-03-07T04:50:15+00:00

my favorite technique that I used in the beginning is what I like to call the Fuck It method. Whenever I was taking too long to approach a chick, I would just say "Fuck it I'm going in, whatever happens happens" and approach the girl. I no longer use this since approaching women is no longer a problem for me but it was a great wau for me to. overcome those first initial approaches. I use other techniques now rather than a more head rush approach.

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-03-04T04:03:12+00:00

Because you’re 6’2 and like you said attractive. So it’s easy for you when a woman approaches you but not the other way around.

Got a couple friends that are like you, over 6’ tall and good looking, I can assume all their life basically everything is handed to them. A lot of women fall for them so to them it’s just like choosing a soda out of a vending machine. They’re not used to hunt alone looking for foods in the middle of the jungle. While most guys hit on women often on daily basis, they just see girls giggling and whispering to each other when they see them. This is why most guys have a pretty small comfort zone, while their comfort zone is much wider:

I’m not saying this to bash tall, attractive men. Sure I’m saying this would make me sound like an incel lol. But there’s some truth in it. On the women’s side there are hot chicks who always reject men so when they try to approach a guy they’re having a crush with they realize they never done it before so to them it feels like a daunting task. These 2 groups of men and women mirror each other.

So I can compare myself to those friends I’m talking about. While I’ve been hitting on girls since middle/high school since I knew I’m just an average guy, they told me they never done it. They said girls came to them and flirt with them especially since they were football or basketball players in school, something that was foreign in my world. While approaching a girl is a foreign concept to them.

Tldr: I worked hard on approaching, they relied on their looks.

Chicagoj1563 · 2025-03-04T16:22:39+00:00

I watched infields of coaches who were good at game. When I saw how someone could approach just about anyone with a care free self amusing vibe and mindset, you can see how it can work.

In some cases it was way over the top crazy self amusement. Saying ridiculous things to entertain yourself. And then people responding positively since the vibe is so much fun.

Once you stop caring about outcomes and are having fun, you can do just about anything.

Just drop the serious overly logical approaches. Turn your thinking mind off. Turn your approaches into playful, non serious, ridiculous self amusement. Go from there.

MysteryLiezer · 2025-03-05T02:13:36+00:00

If you could only have one, but without the other, would you rather:

———

A) already be a master at approaching whoever you want, while being horrible at maintaining a conversation/physically escalating/going in for the kiss etc.?

OR

B) already be a master at maintaining a conversation/physically escalating/going in for the kiss etc., while being HORRIBLE at actually getting yourself to approach, in the first place?

—————————

Like, would your ability to APPROACH make it easier to practice INTERACTING?

OR

Would your ability to INTERACT make it easier to practice APPROACHING?

Intelligent-Roll-763 · 2025-03-14T09:04:50+00:00

Had a similar issue last year, was getting rejected left and right.

But it's way better now,lost my virginity to some random woman I met in the street and took home in 3 hours. I can also get dates pretty much any time I want to. There is a lot to say but in short I had to get a mentor and learn how to:

Find the women I wanted

Start conversations in a smooth way

Generate emotional impact

Sexualize, connect and take her home/on a date

Also feel free to DM me so I can give you details, I get lost with all the threads!!

Title	I have everything but the approach part down
Author	Junior-Purpose9206
Upvotes	5
Comments	20
Date	March 4, 2025 2:30 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1j30fek/i_have_everything_but_the_approach_part_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-have-everything-but-the-approach-part-down.1545537 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545537

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