What an overwhelming feeling. As I filed, I felt confident in it, but now just a mere few hours later my mind races towards the fear of telling her, the fear of being alone, the fear of irreversible.

This won’t catch her totally off guard, as we’ve been talking about it, and it seems like each day she flip flops on if she wants it or not, so I finally pulled the trigger to do it myself. I don’t feel happy, nor does she, based on timelines for milestones like children or a home. I have slowly gotten more depressed and try to think it is anything but my relationship, and yet everything outside my relationship is fine.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m scared of the future beyond belief, and fear the irreversible.

I am in therapy currently and suggested doing couples counseling but she doesn’t want to. We’ve been at tension over timelines now for over a year and she doesn’t want to wait any longer, yet claims she can wait longer because she doesn’t want to loose me.

I just can’t do it anymore.