It’s been 4 months and I want to be exclusive - or am I just a plate?

Jenneapolis · 2025-04-02T01:50:56+00:00

Unfortunately, you’ve given way too much to him without commitment. Men want to feel like they’ve earned our commitment and you really didn’t make him earn it. The fact that he’s on dating apps and knows that you know and you accept it is going to make him have so much less respect for you that you are willing to tolerate it.

Men who are looking for wives want a wife who is going to put up the boundaries. They don’t want to think that she will make herself sexually and emotionally available to a man who is not committing to her, even if that man is him. He’s looking for a woman with strong boundaries and good judgment, and unfortunately the arrangement you guys have does not show that on your part.

In my opinion, four months is way more than enough time. I would draw my line in the sand if I was in this position. Be vulnerable, tell him it really hurts you that you are giving all of this and he is still on dating apps. Tell him it’s painful for you and you just can’t do that to yourself anymore. If he really cares about you, he will step forward. There is nothing that two months is going to change in the ultimate decision he’s going to make.

Original-Elk9618 · 2025-04-01T23:30:22+00:00

Six months before you can agree to be exclusive is wild. Even among the most “modern” relationships, 3 months most commonly agreed upon. Like other commenters pointed out, he was upfront with you from beginning. Would have been a red flag for me, though (if he expected sex during this time).

Taking things slow is fine, but the issue is that you’ve put all your cards on the table by offering EVERYTHING you have as a woman. Your future basically revolves around his decision, now. Six months is a long time, but it would have been totally fine if you’d maintained a “no sex until” boundary or similar. You ideally want to have a 50-50 power dynamic until commitment.

Honestly? I wouldn’t stick with someone indecisive. Or someone who couldn’t decide after even 2 months. You’re not in the wrong for forcing a conversation, or for leaving if you don’t get what you want. Life is too short to construct your life around a man who isn’t sure, especially if you want kids.

TheFeminineFrame · 2025-04-01T23:08:13+00:00

While you may not love that he isn't ready to be exclusive, he has told you this from the beginning. If you really see a future with him, give him his 6 months and then have the talk. If he isn't ready to enthusiastically say "YES" to you at that time, then you should make some decisions. Don't panic -- 2 more months is not very long but don't wait forever for him either. Be ready to move on if he isn't sure of you.

GivMeLiberty · 2025-04-01T23:11:17+00:00

You kinda set yourself up for failure here by giving him everything a committed partner has to offer before recieving the commitment you want in return.

It sounds like he was open with you about the 6 month timeline. That puts the ball in your court to decide if that is satisfactory or if you need to leave him. I’m not sure what you mean by how you’re not “respecting” him how he needs to be respected but if that’s been an issue, I’d suggest you be prepared for him to leave you if you don’t respect the timeline he laid out for you and instead demand commitment.

In what ways have you not “respected” him? If you showed any disrespect early on, than it is likely you’re a plate and commitment has been off the table since the disrespect. If he had claimed you needed to “respect” him by cooking, sleeping with him, etc. without commitment, than I’d suggest he doesn’t respect you the way you’d want your partner to.

This whole thing reads a little weird. Using only the info in this post, if I were you I would open a conversation about how you respect his 6 month timeline but have now decided you’d like to be in a committed relationship and if he still isn’t ready to offer that to you then you will withdraw and prepare yourself to seek that elsewhere. You’ll find out pretty quickly if he were serious about you.

That, or you can close your mouth for awhile longer and decide to trust him on the 6 month timeline he offered and see if he delivers.

The_Gilded_orchid · 2025-04-02T01:44:46+00:00

The fact that he is still on dating apps is a red flag. He is not respecting you, nor giving you the attention you deserve.

brittttx · 2025-04-02T03:13:30+00:00

You're doing wife things with a guy who hasn't said he wants to be exclusive. You need to take several steps back. And what does he mean by you're not "respecting" him?

acorn735764 · 2025-04-02T18:12:37+00:00

“I don’t put too much weight on him talking to anyone else because frankly he doesn’t have time with work and seeing me”

You would be surprised the lengthen these men will go.

2025-04-03T16:10:59+00:00

It should be clear: if he is actively using dating apps, he is not interested in you as a girlfriend and certainly not as a wife.

His current thinking is: "She's nice, but I think I can do better".

He may be incorrect in this thinking. But that's his frame of mind.

tendersea · 2025-04-02T04:44:55+00:00

Is he a devout Christian? From that perspective, it seems like you might not be his dream girl. He would definitely honor no intimacy until marriage if he sees you as that, even if you've already slept w men before, that is something he will take care of. Other women he sleeps with are just his sins.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-04-02T20:52:18+00:00

I guess you will know in two months.

RedPillDad · 2025-04-02T01:56:18+00:00

You're not a plate, he's spending so much time with you. Does he understand red pill theory? He's withholding commitment and instead of giving it up too easily. That's good. He also has a bit of dread going by keeping the apps active, making you try harder.

You're being tested and you're passing with flying colors.

AutoModerator · 2025-04-01T22:48:09+00:00

Title: It’s been 4 months and I want to be exclusive - or am I just a plate?

Author fatally-femme

Full text: I just found this sub last week and I am honestly so happy to have found it because I understand men so much better now.

I met this guy 4 months ago. We hit it off right away. We basically see each other every other day, or every two days. He is consistent and shows up in the ways I need him to. What led me to finding this sub in the first place is because of an argument we had. He said I don’t respect him. I always thought I did but upon doing a deep dive here and reading “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs I realized I have been treating men completely wrong. The man I am with currently wants the qualities of a red pill woman, and I want to change to embody them - even if things don’t work out with him. I truly agree with the qualities of a RPW.

Anyway, to the point of this post… we have been together for 4 months. He said he’s never made anyone his girlfriend until around 6 months, because he wants to truly get to know the person to see if they align. I am ok with this, and I don’t mind taking it slow. But nothing about our relationship is slow, we see each other every other day. I basically act as his girlfriend. I cook for him, I take care of him sexually, I serve him. He fills up my cup as well, so I am not getting the short end of the stick.

However, I feel like I am ready to be exclusive. I want to have that talk with him. I am not sure how he feels about me because I haven’t been respecting him in the ways he needs to be respected yet. It’s not that I didn’t want to I’ve just been completely oblivious on HOW to respect him. I don’t think he will be ready to be exclusive because of this.

Also, he is still on dating apps. He recently changed is profile on hinge. This was like a dagger in my heart. I know we’re not exclusive, but I have completely stopped talking to other men because I want to see where it goes with him. I brought it up to him a month ago, and he said it’s not a big deal and he just likes to talk to people - it doesn’t mean they’re going on dates. But to me it feels like I am just temporary until he finds someone better.

Am I just a plate? Or is he really just taking his time to get to know me and keeping his options open since we haven’t had the exclusive talk. If hinge weren’t a thing I would feel completely secure in the relationship and where things are going. He seems committed to me and he devotes all of his free time to me so I don’t put too much weight on him talking to anyone else because frankly he doesn’t have time with work and seeing me.

Sorry if this was all over the place. I don’t know what to do. Any advice is helpful. I don’t want to mess this up because he is a HVM and someone I can see myself marrying.

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ArdentBandicoot · 2025-04-03T04:14:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Cool-Mood-5896 · 2025-04-04T16:18:15+00:00

coming from a man, its hard to say because I was in this position. Does he go out in public with you? If he does then you are not just a plate or what rp men would call it "sexual access". This is complicated because for 1 (If he is RP) Rp men are taught not to ask for relationship, only a woman should so maybe hes waiting on you to ask and keep his options open so he doesnt get dissapointed (Hence the hinge). However he could also not want to pull the plug because during the time you may have shown some qualities that is not desirable for him or as a wife hence the( U dont respect me). Find out what he wants or expects from his woman, you are to potentially become his woman or else he wouldnt be seeing you this often. Do you have bad attitude, high body count, club girl that parties, non-submissive traits? These are just some things that would make a man cautios but not necessarily disqualify you. In my case the girl i was with seggs relationship and personality was amazing but she showed very promiscuous qualities ( Admitted to having high body count) even while we are together some showed, very disrespectful to her parents so bad attitude will eventually be towards me(learned the hardway on a trip to banff), Still had guy friends and goes to the club. I thought she was beautiful but on the inside not so much. She did cook clean take care of my needs in other ways though but for some men those were deal breakers. She told me the whole time she thought we were gf and bf( even though the question of exclusivity never was asked in the multiple months) . I vetted her and realised she does not make good gf relationship material no matter her looks and great personality.....Hope this helps

Title	It’s been 4 months and I want to be exclusive - or am I just a plate?
Author	fatally-femme
Upvotes	13
Comments	76
Date	April 1, 2025 10:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1jp99p3/its_been_4_months_and_i_want_to_be_exclusive_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/its-been-4-months-and-i-want-to-be-exclusive-or-am.1548349 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548349

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