It’s common advice on Reddit that if you're upfront about wanting something casual, you'll find plenty of women who want the same. But in my experience, that honesty rarely works, especially with the women I—and, honestly, most men—tend to find attractive.

Out of curiosity, I recently changed my Tinder profile to say I’m looking for something long-term. I even put in my bio: “So done with hookups—ready for something real and meaningful.” My matches tripled, and suddenly I was getting dates without even trying.

Here’s where I’m stuck: On one hand, I want to be promiscuous and enjoy a more active sex life. On the other, I don’t want to lie or lead anyone on to make that happen. But it’s starting to feel like if I don’t play the game, I’ll never get the kind of quantity or quality I’m looking for.

Is it just not possible to have both integrity and success in this space? Do I have to choose between being ethical and being effective?