I've been upfront about not wanting a serious relationship, but it never seems to work. What should I do differently?

ratfooshi · 2024-09-22T13:32:06+00:00

It's better to keep them guessing.

You aren't a bad person for using time to feel someone's vibe. Not all relationships have to be defined.

If they have to question your intentions, they're thinking about you.

The quickest way to her legs is her mind.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-09-22T12:22:32+00:00

You are fixating on the wrong thing

Simple:

"I just want to bang" = negative

Other negative features = negative

Everything else you have/about you = positive

When:

Negatives < positives = she will bang you

Negatives > positives = she wont

Your problem is that your positives do not compensate for the negatives. Fix that. Trying to "game" them into your bed is a high effort , low success work.

Only_Entertainer_142 · 2024-09-22T10:17:58+00:00

Don’t reveal your intentions so soon, build a connection first

Dandys3107 · 2024-09-22T12:00:13+00:00

Don't go upfront with it, it presents pretty awkward vibe, indicating that you are treating girl just as a measure for fulfilling your sexual needs. You don't need to touch this topic, unless the girl clearly states that she won't proceed further with no established relation, then you should be clear that you don't seek anything long term right now, if you want to stay respectful. It is obvious thing that in the beginning you can't be sure whether you want a relationship with this girl, it's just girls don't want to be perceived as one time sexual experience.

Smazher95 · 2024-09-22T14:02:03+00:00

I dunno man, I got the same reactions when I was younger, I ended up just hiding that fact, there's honestly no ethical way to be promiscuous, you're not being good by being honest about it, face that you are indeed a player and if you don't like that, change, it's simple dude

DaygameCode · 2024-09-22T20:49:54+00:00

“It never seems to work”

Have you considered that the reason it doesn’t work is maybe because some women just don’t want what you seek?

You seem to struggle to accept that not every girl wants to have meaningless sex, and that you must click some special button or something to make them change their priorities.

Why do you think women always complain that guys lie?

Because guys are selfish and just want to get laid without commitment and the only way they know that works is by lying to them.

The reality is that you always need to make women feel that they have a chance at commitment, this doesn’t mean that you are promising them a relationship no matter what, but you also should not close down that door or else women will of course reject you again and again and again and again.

Because in general women always hope sex is something meaningful, and not just an empty exchange of fluids.

Logical_Cloud8459 · 2024-09-22T08:56:38+00:00

25M here, recently coming out of a 4 year relationship. While I don't like generalising things, in my experience women do not like it when you are very direct about your motives/expectations but they appreciate it when you make it clear. What i mean by that and the other person commenting kind of said is, instead of saying "I'm not looking for a serious relationship" just like that, add a little more context, be less direct about it and say it when the time is right. What you could say instead that is not misleading could be like "I am currently working on X thing and i have no time for something serious at the moment" or "From past experiences i have learned that i am not emotionally ready to be in a serious relationship". These answers should be made so they fit you personally and also adjusted to the way the other person talks in the conversation. Like i mentioned above i recently broke up from a serious relationship, so to give you another example of how you could tailor a message to fit you, this is what i would say now, when being asked by the girl if i was seeing someone (the last part is the timing i was talking about) : "No im not seeing someone at the moment, I am currently working on my future and i need some time alone to figure things out" Lastly i want to say that all those above messages, they seem direct which contradicts my point, but this is the most direct you can go. The less direct you make them while still getting your point across the better.

mal_one · 2024-09-22T14:08:03+00:00

you want to have a fwb. First they need to be a friend. then you can figure out if there will be benefits. your meeting people in the context of dating.

Kobe_curry24 · 2024-09-22T15:03:52+00:00

Generally speaking with women the opposite works so telling them you don’t want a relationship it’s definitely going to make them want a relationship but varies on the woman and her options

WiiWynn · 2024-09-22T15:19:56+00:00

For you to be able to be honest and women be fully accepting of casual relationships with slim possibility of a future, you have to be way above their league. Either your body is a 9+ (aesthetic and 6 foot+ tall), your wealth is top 1% (and also you LOOK top 1% with car, clothes, watch, etc), or they’re way bottom tier women (cum dumpster moms, fat, ugly, etc).

Even if you go international, rules still apply. What raises your attractiveness to locals is simply your perceived wealth from living in a western country.

Think of what use to be considered the ‘Brad Pitt’ rule. Take any woman you’re interested in. If this woman says she’s not interested in anything casual, just ask yourself, if Brad Pitt (or if you’re younger Tom Holland) asked the same woman for something casual, would she say No? Likely she’d say yes. So basically, all women are down for something casual. Just not all women would for YOU.

TripleDigitNomad · 2024-09-22T15:25:20+00:00

You need to be more ambiguous. You know the expression ignorance is bliss? It applies here as well.

Basically, you never need to bring up that you're only looking for something casual, but if they ask you, your response should be something along the lines of "waiting for the right person to come along, but also open to meeting new people along the way".

halfwayup37 · 2024-09-22T15:42:47+00:00

This is probably my biggest issue too. The hardest part for me is going on a bunch of dates, then they catch feelings, then it’s like we are in a relationship all of a sudden, then I have to “end” it.. when I was clear from the start that I was just seeing what was out there. There’s nothing you can do or say to a woman that will stop them from having feelings. If you u say you just want to fuck, and they agree, but you vibe and laugh together. They will want a relationship. Which is 90% of the girls I take on dates.

Especially if you’re dating down.

When I date a bombshell, she is elusive.

There’s no magic formula to help with this. You just have to be strong with your decision to stay single and date around.

kingtechllc · 2024-09-22T15:52:40+00:00

When do you tell them this?

floaton345 · 2024-09-23T08:19:34+00:00

be less desperate. imagine if you had that conversation with a houseplant. how ridiculous would that look? that's what you're doing.

What you're saying is hey girll.... i have nothign better to do that to like seriously want a relationship with the first person who wants one! NOOOOO!

First, have some more self respect. Would you want a serious relationship with a crazy person? NO! So don't generically say that!

if she's cool fine, but you get my point

NiceGuysDatingCoach · 2024-09-22T10:28:49+00:00

You will rarely find anyone for "just" sex, because there is a certain level of connection required. Unless you are absrdely hot, but then you run into other kind of trouble.

But you can be friends with benefits. The thing in - you have to be friends for that. You can have a player reputation and talk to your f+ about your other "projects" even, if you are friends with them. That means involving them in your life - game nights, introduce to friends, workouts, etc. At some point this will inevitably lead to either them either falling for you or getting bored of the sex/finding someone else, and if you managed to actually be friends, you can end this amicably. Either completely or just the sexual part.

berzerker5000 · 2024-09-22T14:28:12+00:00

Girls live in fantasies and emotions. In my experience, girls you go on dates with, will never want to hear “I’m not looking for anything serious” cuz you are basically saying you view them as sex objects for your needs and it kills all the fantasy and emotional appeal. You have to appear open minded to outcome at least, cuz these chicks are looking for more than a hookup. I had this date one time where the first thing she griped about is guys just looking for one time hookups and then they ghost. I was like “oh those sillies 😂” and then I hit it that night and when she hit me up again I said “sorry I’m not feelin it.” Yes in my mind the entire time I was just in it to fuck. But saying that would be stupid. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. 😂 it’s a game.

Chicks you meet off OLD and in bars/clubs tend to be totally different. It’s obv when chicks off OLD apps are looking for a hookup cuz they just will say it. One married chick I met at a bar straight told me she was looking for a fling and then we banged that night. That was her fantasy. But I didn’t bring it up that night and say I’m just looking to bang. I still see her and by now it is well communicated that we are fuck buddies and want nothing more. She since filed for divorce by the way, cuz not trying to get neck deep in a love triangle thing. Her filing had nothing to do with me.

Alphagreen_97 · 2024-09-22T05:58:16+00:00

The vast majority of women want a man to commit to them. Not necessarily but the option needs to be there for them in case something happens, so they can feel safe. Next time, tell them you're not actively looking for a relationship but IF the right women comes along and she proves to be a good partner then you would consider it. This way, she needs to prove herself if she wants the relationship, otherwise everything stays casual.

Title	I've been upfront about not wanting a serious relationship, but it never seems to work. What should I do differently?
Author	7inchesonastik
Upvotes	7
Comments	54
Date	September 22, 2024 5:38 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fmm55x/ive_been_upfront_about_not_wanting_a_serious/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-been-upfront-about-not-wanting-a-serious.1530999 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530999

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