How do I go from 'hookup material' to 'girlfriend material'?

Jenneapolis · 2025-04-09T20:41:42+00:00

I agree with u/CountTheBees. You have to just put it out there, and the sooner, the better. If a guy meets a girl who indicates she is looking for just a hookup for FWB, they may not ever see her as relationship material. What he will think is "this is a girl who is willing to randomly hook up with men. If she did it with me, she's done it many times before and therefore is not a girl who would be faithful to me." They see you as used goods, not because of body count but because of the casual nature of the count. I know that is harsh, and yes not true of ALL men, but simply put it signals to them you don't value yourself and so they should not value you.

As Count the Bees said, men don't fall in love that way. Your best bet I agree is to be straight up, tell him you made a mistake in trying to have FWB at all and you want a relationship. You are going to seek that and would love to get to know him better with that goal in mind. But if he isn't interested, you will pursue that on your own. It is likely he will not be interested so be prepared.

Next-Movie-3319 · 2025-04-09T23:12:42+00:00

Men who see themselves as the provider/carer/protector of a woman, are more likely to want more than recreational sex from them. They have to see you as "theirs" and feel territorial about you.

Nothing is guaranteed to work, but one way to do this is to be vulnerable to bring out the caring/protecting instinct if it is there.

If you search this subreddit, there are numerous posts discussing the theory and practice of this. Just search up the keywords on submissiveness, vulnerability and incremental reciprocation.

Edit:

Here is a link to one such post that you might find helpful: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/sc0f8l/incremental_reciprocation_how_to_minimize_risk/

serene_brutality · 2025-04-09T21:08:39+00:00

Better to scare him off than to sit in the hellish pit that is unrequited love.

CountTheBees · 2025-04-09T20:29:42+00:00

I think your best bet is to tell him you like him as more than a FWB in person, be completely vulnerable, and let the chips fall where they may.

You won't be able to dial back the sexual aspect, he'll just think you don't find him attractive anymore and drop you like a hot potato.

You won't be able to keep sleeping with him and hoping he'll fall for you over time because men don't work that way.

And for your own good, don't do any casual sex anymore... It rarely goes well for the woman. And sleeping with a man in large part makes you fall for him so you won't be able to vet as well anymore.

bcatch88 · 2025-04-10T06:13:52+00:00

It can be quite challenging because of the Madonno/Whore complex. When a guy sees you as the ''whore'', it can be quite difficult for him to get away from that. If you are a sweet girl maybe he can grow to see past that initial impression.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2025-04-09T21:43:27+00:00

Communicate that you’re looking for a serious relationship early.

If it scares the men off, good. They weren’t looking for the same thing you were anyway. They won’t waste your time

Novel_Swimmer9828 · 2025-04-11T17:20:49+00:00

stop giving them sex

Comfortable_Funny496 · 2025-04-09T22:31:15+00:00

I just want to add that if you do have the conversation with him, be ready to walk a away if you sense that he is not on the same page to avoid getting hurt and wasting your time if you are interested in a long-term relationship with him. If I were you I would not keep things casual if I expected more/wanted more in my heart. I hope everything goes great :)

Certain_Iron4787 · 2025-04-09T21:49:18+00:00

I dont want to make this about myself but my hopes were to relate to you. i hope it helps the way i intend it to

I agree with most advice that you are probably going to get, which is to tell him and see where things go, and accepting it’s most likely you will get the answer you don’t want.

I was in your position a couple months ago and followed the advice and told him how I felt. It was a clean break and everything was very respectful, but personal advice I would like to add is be to do it when you think you are ready, and not try to rush things right away. Most advice will tell you otherwise because the longer you sleep with him, the deeper the feelings. I can agree with that frame work of thinking but in MY personal situation, I wish I had waited a bit longer.

My biggest ‘regret’ about the whole thing was that I had ended things somewhat abruptly because I thought I needed to do it asap. I do understand your want to show him you are relationship material, and although that likely won’t change his mind (because men don’t think that way) I wish I at least could have explored what that would have looked like and gotten my answer knowing that I tried. Now i ruminate about the what if he saw this side of me or this or that or….

I do relate to you on the part where it is not something you do often. that is another thing that personally stuck with me. that a person I like so much now thinks that i do this with every man when in reality, that is not the case at all. I was not looking for a fwb when mine came along. We just hooked up once, then twice, then three times and so on. and before that the only person I had slept with was an old boyfriend I was in a committed relationship with.

I am not trying to make this post about me but here to offer a story to relate to. If I could get a do over of my situation, I would slowly become less available as to create distance without fully committing to the end of the relationship. And I would try to focus on the reasons we would not be together, because in all honesty, I think sex not being something you engage with often or casually- that allows for the connection to be that much more intense. it’s been almost a year since I ended things with mine and I still like him just as much as I did before.

I’ll circle back to the main point which is be okay with him not wanting anything more. If he is any ounce of a respectable person, he will walk away and not string you along. It will hurt, and you will probably feel rejected but I like to think of it as ‘rejection is redirection’. Had things ended for reasons other than the feelings I had, I probably would have moved onto the next guy to sleep with. Which I know now, is not something I am interested in at all. It’s an easy situation to give advice for, but definitely not an easy situation to experience and exit.

Men can put their feelings aside when engaging in casual sex that’s why it works so well for them. I think it’s in your best bet to put your feelings aside and make choices that will benefit you down the line, despite the negative feelings that may come.

AutoModerator · 2025-04-09T20:15:27+00:00

Title: How do I go from 'hookup material' to 'girlfriend material'?

Author RATTLECORPSE

Full text: I started off on the wrong foot with this guy, as I met him in a bit of a sexual setting / vibe. I initially was just looking for a FWB / regular hookup person. (Please don't judge, a girl gets horny sometimes). However, I'm noticing that I like him a bit more than 'just as a FWB'. We already discussed that neither of us are looking for something committed, but in principle, we're open to anything. I didn't expect to like him more than the sexual, but I hate to admit that I'm developing a bit of a crush.

So I want this guy to see me as more than just a hookup girl, and give him hints that I'm someone that can be relationship material. But I admit I am quite bad at this dating / flirtation thing. I've only had one real relationship before and it was quite awful.

I don't want to tell him upfront that I like him like that, as we're still in the very early phases, and premature talk about commitment could scare him off. The directness is also not really something that I want, I want to subtly steer him in that direction.

The 'sexual setting' means that we quickly were talking about sexual interests, but I'm thinking of dialing it back regarding that. Being too sexually available probably will give him the wrong idea. Maybe I should suggest more recreational dates? Like going to the movies, or going to a fun place?

Please let me know what y'all think, thanks for reading <3

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Addicted2Jenkem · 2025-04-11T19:19:28+00:00

I hate to say it, but if a man was interested in something more, he more than likely would have said something already. I think it's hard for most men to look at a hookup friend as long-term potential. But maybe that's my personal feelings. Hope everything works out.

Playful_Attempt_822 · 2025-04-09T23:01:45+00:00

It entirely depends on the type of man you’re seeing if the sexual setting will deter him from wanting a relationship. That is not my experience. There are men who are like this. But a lot of guys are not like this. Personally I wouldn’t date a man who disqualifies you as a human being because you are ready to sleep with him.

In my experience, men do fall in love through sex just like women do and if they are attracted enough, they will be ready for a relationship at some point.

Many relationships start as FWB. The reason why FWBs fail is that often only one party develops feelings or is particularly attracted. I’ve seen it happen quite often with men having unrequited feelings as well. In this case there is not much you can do and telling him that you are relationship material or making yourself less sexually available to him will never change that. More often than not the spark is mutual though. In this case, this FWB will very organically progress into a relationship and when that is the case, you WILL have to have that talk. But not necessarily now. Give it some time.

Title	How do I go from 'hookup material' to 'girlfriend material'?
Author	RATTLECORPSE
Upvotes	24
Comments	26
Date	April 9, 2025 8:15 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1jvfls5/how_do_i_go_from_hookup_material_to_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-go-from-hookup-material-to-girlfriend.1549097 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549097

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