Scenario rings similar to some others. Devastated, truly, would have done whatever to help the situation if I’d have known the additional 20% she never talked about. Why she sand bagged thoughts/feelings I can only assume was to eleviate guilt of not trying much while I did. 20 yrs, 16 married, 2 kids. Emotionally months ahead of me, that’s a kick in the nuts huh? Moving on in the background. If I’d have done that it would feel like infidelity. I worked on commitment because I thought dudes had a harder time with it, so better to be cognizant. She’s a different person now, like a switch.

So; not hungry, tear up every couple days if not cry, feel sick, all this external bs that comes w separation/divorce like it’s all down to chips and where they go. Try the gym, push through, reading, podcasts, good meal, treat myself to something, try to think of ideas for a new project or purpose. Miss her and esp the kids when I don’t see them. And fk me the in between time that doesn’t take up enough head space though. Short drives, quiet of the place, load of laundry, what to eat, feel of having your team at home, 30 min before sleep, first hour of day, not feeling needed for something. Jesus.

Doing meditation, seeing a therapist, gratitude, convos with friends and strangers, good loud music. The ache does not go away, after months now. Supposed to ‘feel it and let it go through you’ otherwise the next few years will be worse, but when it lasts 1.5-2 hours? I know I’m programmed for her, the family, I’m wired for it. Trying to rejig my thoughts, but still overcome often. Don’t know how much more I can do it.

Any ideas for how to get through those times that have worked for you?

Thanks for reading. Wish you each well.

Edit: spelling