I’m 27 and have some emotional baggage from a long-term codependent relationship and childhood trauma, so I’ve learned that vetting very carefully is non-negotiable for me — even more than for the average woman.

But honestly, modern dating feels like an emotional minefield. It’s hard to look forward to meeting men when so many act entitled, lack basic empathy, or get upset when you draw a boundary. I already struggle with people-pleasing due to my past, so when a man pressures me or guilts me, it’s not just uncomfortable, it’s triggering.

I’ve been on two dates with guys who proudly talked about their “emotional intelligence”… only to throw a fit after I turned them down.
And I feel like I can’t win — when I try to filter for a stable man who can afford a family (because that matters to me), I get told I’m gold-digging or that my standards are “too high” for someone “as ugly as me.” One jobless guy actually said that to my face ;))

On OLD, many men put “looking for something long-term” in their bios, then try to initiate sex or try to put me vague, non-committal situationships (even though I literally don't do intimacy before commitment). I’ve had guys cuss me out for saying I don’t feel safe meeting privately on the first date. Maybe I overreacted, but this one guy's pick up line was something along the lines of "so when's my wifey coming over to cuddle?" and I told him I don't meet privately on the first date. When I said I want commitment before intimacy, the mask drops. One “religious” guy even booty-called me at 3 a.m. asking if I could help him lose his virginity. Wtf?

I’m trying to meet men offline too, but let’s be real, cold approach is nonexistent where I live. When I try to talk to someone casually, they assume I’m trying to make them join my MLM or something. Still, I’m planning to join some clubs and get out there more with language cafés and such.

I can’t help but ask: is this just dating over-saturation… or am I somehow a magnet for the worst of the worst? I don’t want to become bitter or jaded. But I’m starting to feel like the more men I meet, the less I enjoy being around them — and that scares me.

I’m open to self-reflection — if there’s something off in my approach that I’m not seeing, I’d really appreciate feedback. How do you stay hopeful in a culture where honesty, stability, and commitment feel like rare traits?

Any advice is welcome. Thank you. 🙏