Has studying/learning about men actually made you a better partner or dater?

zaftig_stig · 2025-06-17T02:45:16+00:00

Absolutely and I credit Alison Armstrong.

I’m more comfortable in my skin and being a women and I appreciate men so much more overall.

CountTheBees · 2025-06-17T01:21:23+00:00

You're probably getting bogged down in the weeds. I did the same as you but it didn't help me. In fact it probably made me too sympathetic to men when I should have just cut them off because I wasn't attracted to them or didn't respect them. It may be sad for the bottom half of men but women are hypergamous. Unless you have severe deal breakers yourself, you will most likely end up with a man who has, in large part, succeeded.

I've also found that maintaining a kinda aloof distance and simply not man bashing has helped me appear more "normal". Men did get weirded out when I brought up MRA topics on my own. It's a delicate topic.

TheFeminineFrame · 2025-06-16T21:52:05+00:00

I can be sympathetic to men’s issues but there are other issues in this world that I have more power to make an impact. I choose to focus my energy where it will be most useful.

Recognizing that there are issues that predominately affect men has not impacted how I see men or change how I am attracted to them.

Remember that when you are interacting with a man, you are talking to an individual, not some sort of amalgamation of all these issues. You don’t need to automatically feel like he is some poor fragile victim of society that you need to fix.

TwitchyVixen · 2025-06-16T23:18:08+00:00

Yes I think so. I'm not very good at reading books. Never finished men are from Mars. But I read a lot of content on men's spaces on here like guy cry and ask men advice. I feel like it's given me a lot of insight and sympathy for men's experiences and I can tell my partner appreciates it

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-06-16T21:46:57+00:00

I think reading stats could help you empathize and sympathize with men, but also... of course they also have it hard. Especially in our modern society, men are blamed for everything that's wrong with the world, but still expected to be the ones to fix it. Using words like "patriarchy" villainizes men, who quite frankly did the bulk of the work building the entire world. It's a boogeyman term coined by feminists who don't want to admit to the harm that women have done and continue to do to our society. Women are the ones who tear women down. They're the ones who judge each other for their life choices. Not one man has ever judged my clothes, my parenting, my decision to quit my career and stay home. Women do all the time. So, yes, reading about men could help you be more sympathetic, but if you're still using the term "patriarchy," you're doing it wrong. Bring on the downvotes.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-06-20T20:55:18+00:00

So this thread went in a different direction than I thought it would, but since this is a teachable moment:

A. Men Are VERY Literal (or seem that way to ladies.) Ex. "I'm tired" doesn't mean "I'm tired of you," or "I'm tired of our relationship" or "I'm tired of life." It means he didn't get enough sleep last night or he needs a nap or smth. Think of us as the living embodiment of Occam's Razor - whatever the simplest explanation is, it's probably correct.

B. We Don't Have to Verbalize Everything. You know what's worse than having a bad day? Coming home and having to re-live it, in excruciating detail. As far as we are concerned, that's just more bad crap that's in the rearview mirror. We would prefer not to relive it, decide if it's the worst day we've had this week, this month, or ever. Just make a sympathetic noise or two and then leave it alone.

C. Silence is Not Our Enemy. Silence does not have to be filled with words. My mother and sisters would always ask me if I wanted to join them on their annual pre-Christmas shopping trip. Why they though I would want this, I do not know. I dislike crowds and I don't care for shopping. Two Words: Amazon Prime. Once they asked me what dad and I would do while they were gone. Me: "Grill some steaks and watch whatever football games are on TV. We'll probably say 5 words to each other all day and everything will be fine." They clearly could NOT comprehend this at all. Oh, and, in general, you know how you think you are punishing us with the "Silent Treatment"? We think of it as a Gift from Heaven.

D. Forensic Speech. You know how you will go over nearly every conversation after they've happened? Yeah, we don't do that. Ever. EVER. If we do then smth has gone horribly wrong and we are trying to figure out what happened. Don't over think anything we say. 99% of the time it's exactly what we said, nothing more. Once upon a time, much to my great confusion, my middle sister thought I had insulted her and was throwing a low-grade fit about it. My youngest sister happened by and told Middle, "No, he's like dad, there's no 'hidden meaning'." Middle said, "Oh," but clearly not quite sure. Me: "I don't know why this is complicated. I think we can all agree I come pretty straight with my messages. I'm going to go now before I step on another landmine." FR, whatever we said? It's what we meant, not some other thing 3 Inception levels deep that we never would have thought of.

E. Sex Is WAAAAY More Important To Him Than You Think. Most men are starved for touch. Want to make your man happy? Put your hands on him. Or your lips. Or both. Also, sex is WAAAAY more important to him that you think. Why? Because we can provide everything we need in life by ourselves, except sex. My free piece of advice on this is, if you have a good man who takes care of you, and doesn't let you down? Be generous with your favors. You might even initiate once in a while. The woman I refer to - ok, jokingly, but still - in my tales as "The Greatest Woman Who Ever Lived"? My uni gf. Why? Because she would blow me, randomly and often, just because she wanted to make me happy. 3,5 decades later, I still refer to her "The Greatest Woman Who Ever Lived." Think about how you want your man to think about you. Just saying.

Werevulvi · 2025-06-16T22:58:38+00:00

I'm not a big reader, but I have been more or less involved in men's rights issues since 2016. That's when I first stumbled into the whole "anti-sjw" movement, and the "red pill" documentary, when that all got really big on youtube. I got quite sucked into that, and I learned a lot about men from listening to these anti-feminist male youtubers. I've kinda never been a feminist. Sure there were times I called myself that, but I was never into that ideology. So I didn't become an anti-feminist at that point, but it did help me start to make sense of my true views. Anyway, I've also known irl and talked to quite a lot of men who've been abused, struggled with mental health, etc.

In a sense, yeah I think this knowledge has helped me connect better with men in my life, be it boyfriends or friends. Because they've opened up to me and expressed gratitude for my reaction, I get the impression that generally, men trust me. That I actually care and maybe even understand them a bit better than the average woman.

But... there are so many other factors to consider, and in the grand scheme of things, my dating life has been a disaster. Because of shit unrelated to this. I used to be extremely self-destructive, and had really bad mental health issues. It made me not a good partner. I think there were only two things that I was doing right in all those previous relationships: being empathetic to men's struggles, and being good at sex. Pretty much everything else I kinda fucked up to some extent or another. I do think I learned a lot of really important things from all those failed relationships though, and they each taught me different things that I never had to repeat.

That said, I do think learning about men's struggles and their perspective in general is important though. Maybe it doesn't have to be the main focus in your life (it's not the main focus in my life either) but if it can help increase your empathy for what men are going through, and make you less defensive about the idea that we women necessarily "have it worse," then yeah... I think that can help you build a stronger connection and deeper trust with a man you love in the future. And if you can receive any potentially distressing info about that man, and still see/treat him as strong and capable... I'm only a woman too, so I can't say for sure, but I think generally that would be appreciated by pretty much any man. I know that is a lot to assume.

Just keep in mind that men are individuals too. They don't all go through the same things, or have the exact same perspective on it. Some may carry a lot of shame for whatever they've been through and get really defensive, others may take pride in what they've learned from that experience and won't need your comfort, and so on. Don't assume they're gonna need the exact same things a woman would. If he tells you what he needs, then take his word for it and don't quibble.

So I think it's more important that you can be open to whatever perspective and experiences your future partner has, and give him reasons to trust you with that information, rather than trying to find some ultimate information to help you find the holy grail of how to treat men. But if learning more about men in general can help you with that, ie basically how to be a supportive wife who stands by her man's side, then I can't think that's a bad thing. With the limited knowledge I have as a fellow woman, who btw does not have a pretty dating record.

roxelay · 2025-06-16T21:40:04+00:00

Yeah, way better! Some of them are more like a sanity check, but sometimes they have approaches that are totally new to me. Plus, some are just a good reminder of how things should be.

AutoModerator · 2025-06-16T21:35:10+00:00

Title: Has studying/learning about men actually made you a better partner or dater?

Author GlitterMcSprinkle

Full text: Context: I just started reading "Knights Without Armor" and "Save the Males" to gain more of a psychological and sociological understanding of men as I prepare to start dating again. I thought I would get helpful pointers for relationships but honestly, I just feel so sad the more I read.

I have intuitively understood that patriarchy isn't fair or helpful for both/all genders but reading specific stats on things like men's mental health, shame about sexual performance/circumcision, bottling up their feelings has made me think more about their well-being vs. being romantic/seductive.

At the same time, I'm like "maybe I'm thinking about all of this too hard" 😂 Did learning more about men and their struggles actually make you a better romantic partner or am I getting bogged down in the weeds by exploring this stuff?

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Majestic_Scarcity540 · 2025-06-23T19:48:04+00:00

I didnt study per se, but I did observe! Here is an example.

My husband is VERY forgetful at times. He forgets where his shoes are at. Where his wallet is at. Where he parked the car. When his nieces birthdays are. When our child's appointments are. What I told him 20 minutes ago lol. I love him with all my heart, but forgetting things is just a part of who he is. I reminded him about everything constantly, but this was incredibly frustrating on my part, since I cant seem to forget anything and repeating myself just got tiring.

I took a step back and thought about his life, his schedule and how he operates in his day to day. I realized the following:

He is not a bad communicator, he is just in 15 places mentally at once and cant keep up with it all. I dont blame him. Between the house, bills, our relationship, our child and all of her extra stuff, his job, and family, he is really being pulled in a lot of directions at once. We all have bandwidth, and his is just stretched too thin and chaotically. He also isnt an organizer, and never once has used a calendar a day in his life lol.

I decided that instead of constantly trying to have him "fix" that part of himself by nagging or getting frustrated when he would forget to tell me something, or if he forgot something I told him, to use a tool instead.

I bought a calendar for our fridge. Made it known "If you have something important, put it on the calendar. If its not on there, neither one of us can get upset. Calendar is now our life."

Instantly, we got on the same page about events, work schedules, appointments, everything. Its turned our communication up 10 fold, and we havent had an argument in maybe 2 years about things like that because of it. We both stay on top of writing down stuff thats happening on specific days, and because its on the fridge, we see it every morning.

Such-Tangerine2673 · 2025-06-16T21:41:43+00:00

A man I would be interested in doesn’t have mental health issues or shame about sexual performance or circumcision, and doesn’t bottle up his feelings, so I don’t really see why I should spend my precious time and energy immersing myself in those issues.

What are you hoping to gain from reading these things? Maybe it would make you marginally more attractive to a man with a victim complex and a chip on his shoulder, but I’m not sure how that would benefit you.

Your time would be better spent focusing on yourself, what you want out of a relationship/partner, and how to get that.

Title	Has studying/learning about men actually made you a better partner or dater?
Author	GlitterMcSprinkle
Upvotes	45
Comments	36
Date	June 16, 2025 9:35 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ld5gly/has_studyinglearning_about_men_actually_made_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/has-studyinglearning-about-men-actually-made-you-a.1554769 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554769

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