Advice Needed: How to know when to settle down

ProfitisAlethia · 2025-06-19T18:23:52+00:00

Just my two cents from very limited info: sounds like you're about to fuck up a really good situation. Things will always seem better on the other side. Do not throw away a good relationship just to go chasing strangers. That shit gets old fast.

If you want to live a fun exciting life do that with your girlfriend, or take a little bit of space, and do it on your own. You can find fun and fulfilling stuff to do in life that has nothing to do with women. At some point sleeping with strangers or chasing new girls is just filling a void.

Now if you have relationship problems or your girl is holding you back from living your life that's a different story but it doesn't sound like that's the case. If your relationship is good then you need to take your time and look inside yourself to see what else you can change first.

Look at how deep your connection with this girl is. Could it be improved? Could you be exploring her more and doing more fun things with her or getting to know her better? How well do you know yourself? Are you introspective? Do you meditate or give yourself space and time to be in touch with yourself? Do you have many friends, a good community, or people around you that you love? Do you have exciting hobbies?

These are all things I would look at before you throw away a good relationship.

Ask older men in your life this question. Approach someone on the street if you have to, because I bet you, many men have made the decision you're thinking about and regret it.

Some days I do and I know many other men who feel the same.

LightAtEnd · 2025-06-19T17:24:05+00:00

The grass is not always greener on the other side

MrDownhillRacer · 2025-06-19T18:52:13+00:00

I know the typical answer is supposed to be the "you should have the abundance mindset instead of putting any one woman on a pedestal, you can get 10 more women like her, go out there and slay, king," but honestly, sounds like you hit the jackpot. I'd commit.

I think the fear is that "if I become too available and doting and simpy, she'll lose attraction to me." But that's the thing. You can commit to somebody without becoming a boring doormat. You just have to keep up the excitement and confidence and unpredictability you used to attract her in the first place.

All these PUA guys will sell you the idea that if you just learn these secret tricks, you'll be able to attract whomever you want, whenever you want. But reality isn't that way. And you're only going to get older from here. I say be realistic. I wish I was.

Bachelor4ever · 2025-06-19T17:25:32+00:00

She's pretty young. I'm always wary with young women when it comes to long term. Unless you can maintain them within your frame well, they may seek other resources. Good luck.

VelvetSinclair · 2025-06-19T18:15:39+00:00

If I were you, I'd put a ring on it

Not after one year, but I'd start taking it seriously

Just don't take that as an excuse to take it easy. You still need to be the man she was always attracted to. Keep working on yourself. Seduction never ends

That's just me though

southparkslope · 2025-06-20T02:14:52+00:00

IF FINDING THE PERFECT WIFE ISNT THE GOAL THAN WHAT IS??

MY MAN.

150420throwaway · 2025-06-19T17:32:26+00:00

Eh I’m kinda thinking about that as well. Not so much ‘harem’, as I find using that word cringe (not personal).

I’m currently with the second girl in my life, ex was my first ‘everything’, I.e. sex, relationship, and whatever else you can think of, even kiss.

I’m looking to build something serious, but after the break up (we’ve been together for two years), I’m starting to think that if things don’t work out with this one, I’m gonna try out casual stuff/FWB and not care as much. Only problem will be finding women (I’ve mostly met the women I dated through a mutual hobby, but I don’t want that rep here).

Best case scenario I’ll get experience in my career, either take a break or do remote work and move abroad, as I’m based in the U.K..

The only real advice I have is to think what you want to achieve. Why do you care what the goal is of ‘pua’? Look for your own. Admittedly I think casual sex is very low level in terms of what it’s worth and how much ‘skill’ it takes - you can probably fake your persona and get laid, congrats, but you can’t keep her (not you specifically) because you are just not that interesting or good, if she is worth keeping of course.

It sounds hypocritical given that I want to try it myself, but I think about it the same way. The only thing that would change that is if I’d see another girl that is a positive influence and addition to my life, but after another disappointment, at this stage, I think I would open up to less serious ‘relationships’ and ‘have fun’.

So in a nutshell - what do you actually want? Dwell on that.

Whilst I’m here - any advice on meeting women? Never used dating apps. Of course my mutual hobby works, but even then it’s quite limited in terms of abundance.

Top-Transition97 · 2025-06-19T17:55:09+00:00

You’re going to regret, for your life time , Finding a real girl nowadays is extremely hard , you got lucky to do so , On the other hand if you think u still want to have fun , just let her go Again as the comment above , how do you see yourself in 10 years ? Still jumping from night club to one ? From relationship to one ? Or having a meaningful marriage, with or without children ? Think twice and for the long term

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-06-19T19:01:14+00:00

I couldn't be bothered to spend time with a 19-20 year old woman. You have the patience of a saint, OP. Try to brainstorm personal growth and future projections you'd like for yourself and a potential partner. I got married around your age and did enjoy marriage, just not the person my partner became and she was very good at hiding her mental illness earlier on. I was more naive towards cluster-b disorders then.

Things like a partner who has high emotional security goes a long way. You need as little drama as possible in your life. You want to give respect and be respected back. Make sure she doesn't always shift blame, belittle you, start fights and so forth. You need someone who will elevate you, not try to drag you down. Look for someone with multiple traits you really like that have nothing to do with her looks or sexuality.

thisisnotme__-- · 2025-06-19T18:58:13+00:00

What you’re struggling with is a logic problem literally named The Marriage Problem or The Secretary Problem.

The economist, Russ Roberts, discusses the problem in his book, Wild Problems.

I’m not good with math, but if I understand the problem correctly, your best bet is to marry the next woman who’s better than all the women you’ve dated until now.

Uncle2Drew · 2025-06-19T21:54:55+00:00

It’s rough out here bro so give it a lot of thought before moving on and throwing something good away

SmiteGoddess · 2025-06-19T23:24:13+00:00

You know you want to settle down when being with one person forever sounds like fun.

earl_grey_teaplease · 2025-06-20T02:45:49+00:00

Depends on what you want down the road. 10-15-20 years from now what is the goal at that point. Only you can self reflect on what you want. But this takes serious introspection and honesty with yourself. Nows a good time to start thinking about what you want AND when you want it to happen.

Travel_Dreams · 2025-06-20T05:09:10+00:00

Imagine if you never had it this good again. If every other girl you dated, never equaled this one.

That's where you are at, don't fuck up your life living someone else's dream.

*Work to keep this one happy, and you might be happy for the rest of your life.

Don't settle down. Create the adventures you want with this woman! Settling down is copping out. Stay active, stay healthy, live your adventure with a fantastic partner.

Don't burn her or yourself because the only thing that remains is bitterness for the next relationship.

This is one of the reasons its so fucking hard to find a good mate.

Decide to love your life and this woman, ask her if she wants to stay for the long haul. If so, then make it happen!

BRZRKRGUTS · 2025-06-20T23:10:20+00:00

What you are feeling she feels 10x bro, sadly can't be tamed at that age good luck.

PurcepshunReality · 2025-06-21T06:25:54+00:00

When the idea of still being in the game sounds exhausting

Grackboundcheck · 2025-06-21T08:21:04+00:00

Isn't the goal of this whole "game" thing to get wimen that we want ?

Didn't you get a woman that you wanted here ? And be absolutely living your best life here( in the relationship sense i mean obviously).

Then what are talking about then ?

Substantial-Bad-4508 · 2025-06-22T00:36:35+00:00

You never settle (mentally) and you never feel (too) comfortable because people can be romantically unpredictable.

In other words, always be prepared for a rainy day and keep options open and your game sharp.

You don't wanna be that fat dude that fell asleep and founds himself suddenly back to square one.

S3nat3 · 2025-06-19T18:22:44+00:00

The grass is not always greener and I would think that most guys in this sub Reddit would love to have a very solid LTR over increasing their body count with mindless hook ups

Beginning_Tap2727 · 2025-06-19T21:35:28+00:00

Bro she’ll get to 27-28 and move on, by which time you’re mid-late 30s. Women who are submissive at 21 don’t often stay that way.

NeighborhoodDue6084 · 2025-06-20T00:29:33+00:00

Don't do it ❌..,... Remember if she's not willing to sign the prenup..... That says it all

Title	Advice Needed: How to know when to settle down
Author	No_Client_9726
Upvotes	10
Comments	27
Date	June 19, 2025 5:22 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1lfgiv8/advice_needed_how_to_know_when_to_settle_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/advice-needed-how-to-know-when-to-settle-down.1555037 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555037

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