Plates Want Instant Commitment.They go nuclear when I don't offer it back .Thoughts?

Thesegates · 2015-10-23T16:25:28+00:00

What gives is our society thinks of commitment as the norm. More than 80% of men are betas. So why wouldn't woman occasionally expect commitment?

I've had 5 of my who knows how many plates in less than 2 months expect the same. I tell them all this exact phrase when they ask me variations of this question:

Her: "So am I wasting my time here. You just don't seem so interested or like this isn't going anywhere?"

Me:"I enjoy spending my time with you, I'm just having fun right now."

Then sometimes I get asked a hundred other questions and I'll respond something along the lines of; "I am not committing to anyone right now."

Then a day to 3 days goes by, they say they understand and come fuck me again and hang out. Same story, hasn't changed once. Anytime I thought it would change (even with the girl with 2 sex partners her whole life and is a "good girl" and fucking cried and freaked out) I said, "not going to get what you want." She left and came back 6 days later. I then tell them flat out, "I am going to sleep with other people so if that's not okay, then we shouldn't see each other at all." That's just my preference, many others may not agree. But I do that to avoid any drama after they come back.

Just remember: who cares, you have an abundance mentality. Because I literally don't care if I never see any of them again, and they hate that and can see that.

NiftyDolphin · 2015-10-23T16:25:39+00:00

You could be unconsciously selecting women who are more prone to do this.

You may be fitting some profile that queues women to see you as BB.

You could be "fighting out of your weight class," either up or down.

A higher would be on the BB part of the AF/BB roller-coaster, sees you as comfortable and also very good in bed... you'll do for now. When you decline, she leaves to find her chump.

A lower would see you as the best she's going to get. So she wants to lock you down before you realize you could do better.

Another thing could be how you are responding to their attempt to lock you down. You could be reacting in such a way that it's easier for them to leave you than to overcome their ASD.

Married, haven't spun any plates, but I'm guessing that you need to expand on:

The next day she's pressuring me for a relationship and I'm like "nyet" basically.

and have others chime in.

BucketOfSunshins · 2015-10-23T19:34:39+00:00

She tried to off herself with a friends pills that night, and scuttlebutt around the grapevine was because I "rejected" her.

You're not responsible for her crazy.

seenoeval · 2015-10-23T16:39:15+00:00

Two possibilities:

You actually are a high value guy, this happens to me quite a bit which is a downside. If women perceive you as a prince charming, good looks, good personality, high status, they naturally want to lock you down. If I was a construction worker, I could just be alpha fucks because of my personality and good body/decent looks, but because I own a business and have a nice house/life etc, that make it difficult for me to ever get to just spin plates freely without them constantly trying to get into the GF space.
You are attracted to higher value women than the average dumb slut. They will still fuck fast, but they are doing so assuming there is LTR potential here.

Some guys, even trained alphas just exhibit the boyfriend material vibe. It's not even a beta vibe, it's just a total package kind of thing where women will take your looks, personality, lifestyle etc and compute you as a strong LTR target.

RP-Doctor · 2015-10-23T17:27:58+00:00

Usually this means she's looking for a boyfriend. My approach is to basically say, "I'm having fun with you. I enjoy your company, and I'd like to see where this goes, but right now I'm focusing on ______. Obviously if you find someone you want to be serious with, and he's ready right now, I would understand."

I have similar issues because I'm "boyfriend material" for most girls (med student). Operating on the above sentiment gets her hamster spinning with all the emphasis on "right now" ("maybe I can change his mind"), and it gives her an option she may or may not have considered, keep fucking me until either she finds a boyfriend or she convinces me to commit (which won't happen, but she doesn't know). I'm giving her the option of using me as a transition tool. Girls typically hate the thought of being alone. I'm telling her, "as of right now, you never have to be alone. You've got me until the next boyfriend comes along." This eases her anxiety about the whole thing, and she can fuck you guilt free.

Seems like a beta mind set, but she's looking for the ultimate comfort game (commitment). You can't give her yours, so you're giving her someone else's whIle giving her a chance to have her cake and eat it too (get fucked whIle looking for a boyfriend).

Metalaggeddon · 2015-10-23T19:14:04+00:00

Gotcha.

I have a specific alpha friend with this issue. He's the only one in our little red triad. We got together a few months ago and managed to iron out why.

It's not the girl.

wait for it

It's you. For whatever reason, you're attracted to or vetting women who are the type to ramp up on feeling needed and security. My friend specifically, "we'll call him Zen," noticed a few underlying traits which every plate he has share.

history of neediness.
low n count "attachment still working really well"
history of depression
history of distant/absent father

These four things just seemed to happen for all his plates, add them together and you have an (above average) level of neediness in a girl hurt and confused by a lifetime of external validation and distance.

We couldn't nail down a certain dress, style, or garb. However it's something he's begun to correct by asking the right qualifying questions.

Maybe that helps, certainly helped him. I'd suggest the newer plates you're setting to spin, if they feel too familiar to the previous commitment fiends, don't bother. Try to recognize what it is about them that's in common, and put that on your nope list.

Good luck!

FrameWalker · 2015-10-23T17:50:30+00:00

How do you communicate nonexclusivity? Try a bit more covert. Make quips about being an unstable perverted manslut. Refuse to answer questions seriously elegiac regarding other women.

DarkisKnight · 2015-10-23T18:48:16+00:00

In at least one case, you're sticking your dick in crazy. Taking pills after the first date because you won't offer commitment is seriously nuts. You need to vet your plates better or take precautions and be prepared to deal with fallout if you insist on getting your dick wet.

My other theory is that you're somehow giving them false expectations. Hard to say for sure without being there myself, but I'd take a hard look at what expectations you might be communicating.

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2015-10-23T21:12:07+00:00

They don't want instant commitment. They want you to be willing to give instant commitment. It validates their image of themselves, it kind of props up their ego or whatever.

If you give them the instant commitment, they won't keep you around very long.

Basically the longer you make them work for your commitment, the more respect they will have for you- even if they get "super-duper mad" and throw temper tantrums, you will still get their respect.

BrunoOh · 2015-10-24T02:38:20+00:00

You might be a bit too nice. Try to covertly communicate that you're fucking other women.

Coolbeans024ptf · 2015-10-23T19:58:00+00:00

Sounds like you are too nice. Be bold in your statement to them as to your intention. Be ready to hard next at all times. It's your way or no way. They are still holding hope that you are bullshitting them. If you are more straight forward you will have to hard next a few more but you won't have this problem with the ones who will put up with it,

HumanSockPuppet · 2015-10-23T16:55:59+00:00

It's possible that you're putting out comfort signals, and the women are catching on and trying to test you for beta potential.

Do you feel any guilt at all when you have sex with a woman?

disposablefleshy · 2015-10-24T02:48:09+00:00

Fuck 'em.

Title	Plates Want Instant Commitment.They go nuclear when I don't offer it back .Thoughts?
Author	IliadsTangent
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	October 23, 2015 4:10 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3px6wv/plates_want_instant_commitmentthey_go_nuclear/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/plates-want-instant-commitmentthey-go-nuclear-when.155516 https://theredarchive.com/post/155516

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