Struggling After Divorce: Feeling Lost and Alone

Boliviascott · 2025-07-02T20:54:33+00:00

I went through the same thing. Your life revolves around you family and lest face it at our age it is hard to make friends again because you are single. You are a reminder to the married couples of what can happen as well as being a third wheel. Focus on yourself and get back to the things you did not have time for when you were married. Improve your golf game, wood working, writing that novel, whatever used to give you pleasure but never really had time for when you were married. I would also suggest solo travel. Seems weird but take some time and get out of your present space and it really helps. Ive been there and it does get better

dadmacintosh · 2025-07-02T18:42:47+00:00

Get a cheap road bike and join group rides on weekends. You will meet a lot of people, It has done wanders for my social life and physical health.

You are not alone. It is just you tried to lead your family with dedication and focus. The result is that you have lost friends along the way. Focus and dedication require you drop people that do not share life direction/priorities. I dont know how old you are but you will get to appreciate being alone and in peace. Yes, holidays, birthdays will feel lonely. But it will all get easier.

THX1138-22 · 2025-07-01T17:35:51+00:00

Join clubs and go. Sign up for things you normally wouldn’t do. Don’t overthink this and fall into analysis paralysis.

Known_Paramedic_2967 · 2025-07-01T17:17:01+00:00

I’m 55, no kids, was married to my HS sweetheart and learned that she had an affair with her best friend’s husband. So, I’m in the same spot. I am trying to meet people, joined a gym, taking a photography class, but am lonely because I depended on a social network that we built together.

Mental_Risk101 · 2025-07-01T10:15:20+00:00

same boat. only across the ocean. I am going through the same process. wife initiated the divorce ( 70% do). I paid for the house and she gets half ( or more, depending on which way the wind is blowing at the divorce court).

How do men make friends in their 50s? At least I won't have to pretend to like all of my soon-to-be-ex's awful friends. So that is a bonus. I know in the states ( from 2 1/2 men) alimony seems to be a problem, here in the UK, we are going through mediation and hoping to come to some agreement with no spousal monetary allowance. child support - that's different, I will pay it no matter what. I don't want my kids to think I am a dick.

I am putting all the money I get from the sale of the house into crypto. I will either be on the streets or own them.

good luck

OverCut8474 · 2025-07-01T10:00:58+00:00

I’ve been in a similar boat: 46, recently separated - divorce pending.

I’d recommend going to singles nights (not speed dating), join some clubs. Get to know yourself and what you enjoy.

Kingcyprus1 · 2025-07-01T06:58:36+00:00

One thing you should be happy about is you didn’t mention money. After a divorce a lot of guys are posting how their ex took the kids the house the money and don’t know what to do. Making new friends takes time nothing to worry about.

streetsmartwallaby · 2025-07-01T05:33:07+00:00

I do a lot of volunteering.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-07-01T05:26:04+00:00

It's a slow process, if you, like me made your wife your only friend. I force myself to go home only to sleep or cook a meal. No real friends yet, but people wave when they see me or stop n chat, have a beer or two, there's some interest from lonely late 20s girls. But all the people I meet are 10-20 years younger, everyone my age is still probably still getting nagged to death by their wives. I wish there was some kind of local single dad group in my bumfuck nowhere, maybe I'll start one, lol.

Biggest problem is lack of time or energy to party since I work like crazy to pay huge child support now.

NewDay0110 · 2025-07-01T04:48:56+00:00

I felt the same after my divorce. Part of what I felt was anger. Angry that I invested so much of my life into trying to be the best husband and dad I can be, only for my wife to raise the bar so much that I couldn't meet her unrealistic expectations while she contributed nothing back. I sacrificed a once vibrant social life, move away from my home town, threw away a vast amount of inherited family wealth all because of her. At 40 I'm picking up the pieces and rebuilding.

First thing that helped was that I fought tooth and nail for 50/50 parenting. My ex slandered me in court with false accusations in an attempt to remove all of my parental rights. After a stressful trial, the judge bought none of her lies and we ended up with a 50/50 arrangement. Being able to raise my daughter gives me a sense of purpose, and meaningful social interactions.

But I need to socialize with adults too. Both my parents are dead, but I still have my brother. We go out to eat and catch up at least once every other week. For a while I was going out to bars on the weekend alone and getting into conversations with strangers. The bartender at this one spot got familiar with me. I've also gone on a few dates from dating apps. Not with the goal of meeting a new wife, but just to get out and see where the adventure goes. (They all went nowhere, but it was fun.)

Then there's people at work who are open to some socializing outside of work. I have to be careful who I trust, but with a few of them I will play video games, or go to someone's house to play an occasional board game. With all of the new "friends" I've made, none of them are very close. After the betrayal of my ex wife, I feel like maybe it's best to keep a distance from other people.

funnyman6979 · 2025-07-01T02:39:38+00:00

Sorry you’re stuck, one day at a time change up your routine, trust that you will be ok and give things to the good Lord.

Slowloris81 · 2025-07-01T01:54:36+00:00

Yes. I was similarly isolated but I rebuilt and made my own network. You can too. It’s daunting and it takes effort but don’t lose hope.

I made a post about it a while back with some tips that might be helpful.

Ashamed_Mountain_400 · 2025-07-02T13:25:14+00:00

Hey friend,

First, I just want to say—I really feel for you. It takes a lot of courage to open up about feeling abandoned and isolated, especially when you’ve poured so much of yourself into your family for so long. It makes perfect sense that right now you’d feel lost—your whole identity and daily life just changed in a massive way.

I think many people reading this (myself included) can relate to that feeling of “How do I start over?” Especially when shyness and sadness make the idea of connection feel like trying to push a boulder up a hill. Please know you’re not alone—so many people have been in your shoes and found their way through, step by step.

One thing I’d gently suggest is to be kind with yourself about where you are now. You gave so much love and care to your family for years—that doesn’t mean it was a mistake. It means you have a huge capacity to love and connect, which is actually your gift as you rebuild.

You mentioned the gym—honestly, that’s a great place to start. Maybe next time you’re there, say hi to one person you see often. Or try a group class where people naturally chat. It might feel awkward at first, but people usually welcome small friendly gestures more than we think.

If meeting new people feels too big right now, maybe try reconnecting with old friends you haven’t talked to in years—sometimes a simple “Hey, I was thinking about you, how are you?” can open a door.

And it’s okay to start small. One conversation, one coffee, one connection at a time. If you’d like, there are also groups for people rebuilding after divorce—support groups, meetups, volunteering, or even just hobby clubs where people gather around something they enjoy.

It’s not about forcing yourself to “get over” your shyness—it’s about letting your curiosity and your caring nature lead you to little moments of connection. Over time, those small steps build trust in yourself again.

You matter, and there are people out there who will be so grateful to know you—just as you are, shy or not.

Sending you so much strength and warmth for this new chapter. You’ve got more courage than you know.

One day at a time, friend. 💙

- Alice

Title	Struggling After Divorce: Feeling Lost and Alone
Author	OperationOwn7008
Upvotes	12
Comments	16
Date	June 30, 2025 11:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1lomj9o/struggling_after_divorce_feeling_lost_and_alone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/struggling-after-divorce-feeling-lost-and-alone.1556042 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556042

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