How much are you paying and why?

No-Werewolf1067 · 2025-07-02T19:29:49+00:00

Thank you all for your info and support, it really means a lot.

My situation is a little different, which is why I’m asking here. I’m currently in the middle of a divorce, and unfortunately, I made the mistake of signing an MSA just two weeks after my wife filed. I was shocked and completely blindsided, she grabbed the kids and disappeared with no warning. I genuinely thought I could stop the process if I cooperated, but I see now how wrong I was.

I also made the huge mistake of leaving the marital home. My wife hasn’t worked more than 2 years in our 17-year marriage. She’s now in the house with the kids while I’m paying for everything ,the mortgage, all car payments and insurance, phones (hers and the kids’), her lawyer, and more. My attorney told me this setup was “temporary” and would be revisited in a month or two. It’s been 3 months, and nothing has changed.

I cannot afford to keep paying for two households. I'm drowning financially.

I’m hoping someone can help with the following:

Is there any legal way to get out of the MSA, or at least modify it due to financial hardship?
How can I speed up the divorce process to get to a final agreement and stop the bleeding?

Any advice from those who’ve been through something similar would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I’ve been set up to fail, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep this going. Thank you again.

waterfoiler · 2025-07-02T18:33:32+00:00

I went from paying 3500 per month in alimony and child support to now she has to pay me 388 a month in child support.

I was supposed to pay 2200 a month in alimony for 12 years. I was married for 24 years. 2 years in and she got a much better job. I filed to terminate alimony as she doesn’t need it anymore. Of course she fought it. It took almost 2 years to go to trial for it. During that time, she got an even better job making 110k per year. The morning of trial she finally agreed to terminate alimony. I also, since filing started not paying the full amount. I would pay random amounts. I was technically 40k behind in arrears that got wiped out. I didn’t have to pay. She agreed to terminate alimony back to the day I filed. I would have won in court anyways.

My youngest son also has moved in with me full time. He is 15. She has to pay me child support for him.

jimsmythee · 2025-06-30T14:44:39+00:00

11 year marriage. Exwife was, and still is, a pill popper in that great big gray fog of pills. 2 kids. AZ divorce. She refused to work.

She wanted everything, every last dime; past, present and future. Full custody, 50% of my take home pay in alimony, and a laundry list of other things. She even put her $7500 in DUI fines as a marital debt because she argued that we were married when she got the DUI.

Mediation went nowhere. Had to go to trial.

Fortune favored me. She got $9 alimony and I got 50:50 custody. I kept my house and my car. She kept her DUI fines. Only money she got was half of my 401k. The judge gave her an imputed income of minimum wage 40 hours, so my CA obligation to her was minimal.

Gattsama · 2025-06-30T01:48:20+00:00

She will be imputed to minimum wage worst case. Spousal support is calculated separately from child support. Child support is normally just a formula and can not be negotiated as, in theory, it's for the child. However, the formula often takes into consideration how many modnights the child spends at each home.

This encourages some women to ask for full custody and full residency, as it equals more money. The more midnights the child spends with you, the less you owe her.

Spousal support in WA is 1 year of support for every 3-4 years of marriage. The marriage was 12 years, and we negotiated 3.5 years of support (ie the middle). The amount is all over the place here through. In the end she got just under 1/3 of my net take home base. Last payment May 2026.

Talk to you attorney and fine out what common for tour state and/or county. There's a huge variation between TX (often no spousal support) and CA (potentially support for life).

Reflog1791 · 2025-06-30T01:35:25+00:00

25% of take home pay is pretty standard. Lots of bs calculations involved.

Everyone wants you to pay up including other divorced dads who don’t want you to have it any easier.

Divorced dads are public enemy number one. Nobody coming to save you.

Best thing you can do is double your income after divorce and never tell ex wife. Tell her you are broke and miserable from here on out. The idea is that it would be a complete waste of her time to do any recalculation paperwork.

Entire agencies and livelihoods are built around squeezing as much money out of you as possible.

streetsmartwallaby · 2025-06-30T00:25:17+00:00

Married nine years. Paid one year of alimony (roughly fifteen percent of salary) and no child support.

My outcome,to be fair, is very atypical. Now ex-wife was a terrible client and had a middling lawyer at best. I still don’t know how I didn’t have to pay any child support.

ImpermanentSelf · 2025-06-29T19:41:05+00:00

Alimony is generally between 1 year for every 2-5 married, but its based on the difference on your income, your ability to pay, and their financial need. Child support is gonna be a lot more. Generally if they get a good paying job you can make it go away, if they were making more (before divorce) they would pay you. If they move in with a new partner you can get it terminated.

OperationOwn7008 · 2025-06-29T15:50:33+00:00

I believe I have come to the realization that I will owe her close to $8000 a month. I make 12k a month. I dont understand how she can take 66% of my money?

First-Sail8421 · 2025-06-29T15:28:05+00:00

Everything depends on income. How much is yours, and how much is hers? I pay many thousands every month, but I have a good career.

whoisgodiam · 2025-06-29T11:21:47+00:00

You didn’t get a prenup, be prepared to lose everything.

Title	How much are you paying and why?
Author	OperationOwn7008
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	June 28, 2025 1:25 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1lmms52/how_much_are_you_paying_and_why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-much-are-you-paying-and-why.1555868 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555868

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