Do u feel u settled?

leosandlattes · 2025-07-02T15:59:57+00:00

As I have said before on this sub, the concept of settling means there is some ideal perfection out there. And I inherently do not believe this exists. People are not build-a-bitch, the very nature of someone else having autonomy and thoughts separate from you means there will never be an ideal partner ever.

I do not relate to this idea of envisioning a whole complete “ideal” man/woman. I do not build up this fictional creature in my head and then compare every man I meet to it. I think that idea is some kind of brain dead development caused by dating apps.

Everyone has some number of non-negotiable traits they would like in a partner, like “attractive to me” or “gets along with my family” or “religious” or “promiscuity level does not exceed what I am comfortable with.” General ideas of what they need in a partner to build a relationship and life with them. Beyond this, I do not think about "ideal" traits or what this means in terms people having some sort of arbitrary percentage of ideal traits.

attendquoi · 2025-07-02T16:00:52+00:00

Nope, my husband meets all my standards. I wouldn't be with him otherwise.

AllelWasHere · 2025-07-02T16:08:08+00:00

No, my base requirements were met when we first got together. The rest has been growing and discovering the man that I've fallen for in new and profound ways. I'm not looking for a fictional character, I was looking for a man

SeveralSadEvenings · 2025-07-02T16:15:03+00:00

When I was a teenager I wanted to marry Trent Reznor. Then I became an adult and realized that is a terrible idea, and completely unfeasible.

However the traits that enamored me to him (immaterial and physical) can just as easily be found in the genpop, so I went out and found myself a man that embodies everything that I admired about Mr. Reznor.

No settling, just growing up and realizing the practicalities of life out pace the fantasies of girlhood.

ThatBitchA · 2025-07-02T16:09:39+00:00

I don't think we all settle.

I think people grow up and mature and realize that fictional characters are fictional.

I think people who limit themselves to their "ideal" being a fictional character or a real celebrity are setting themselves up for failure. Plus, it's weird.

Men in sub accuse me of settling all the time. They never have any proof, though.

I married someone who makes my world brighter and better and so much more fun. Idk how anyone would call that settling.

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ashpr0ulx · 2025-07-02T16:11:18+00:00

no. i never even had a grasp of an idea of how good it could be until i met my partner.

EulenWatcher · 2025-07-02T16:25:57+00:00

I think there’s a difference between admitting that your partner has some flaws, we all do, and feeling that you could do better or that they aren’t good enough.

I’ve never had a specific type tbh. Nothing close to what you’re describing here, as I didn’t even have plans to get married. It’s just at some point dating my husband I realized that my love for him has grown to the point that I want to spend my whole life with him, and thankfully he felt the same about me. We both have flaws, but they aren’t enough to make us think that there someone better out there. Otherwise, we wouldn’t get married nor we’d last this long.

Also, he’s my first boyfriend. We’ve just got it so good from the first try, neither had any interest in dating someone else.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-07-02T16:25:58+00:00

Do you consider it “settling” if you don’t end up buying the flashy, shiny car you wanted as a teenager and instead choose a car that fits your lifestyle?

Yes, you still want to like the look of it… but other things also become equally or more important.

The odds your 10/10 physical ideal is also going to be compatible romantically and want you back is very rare. If you get someone you’re still very attracted to, who you grow and build with, that’s the opposite of settling.

I dated “the super hot person” a few times. After a while, the “omg” factor goes away and you’re left with the actual person. I still find plenty of people who aren’t 10/10 or even 8/10 by societal standards hot.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2025-07-02T16:34:02+00:00

Absolutely not. I’m not even a big fan of dating men, I hardly find any attractive, and I’ve dated mostly women. But my husband is it for me. I raised my standards to find him - previous partners in hindsight were a lower tier and awful to me. This man is truly a king. I took his truck to work today while he got my car inspected. No questions asked just - go, I got this. I will go home later and cook him dinner and give him a bj while he plays DnD. It’s a wonderful setup.

He’s kind and loving and giving. He’s never called me outside of my name and “my love.” We don’t fight or argue. We are trying to decide if we want kids and it’s so loving. Choosing my engagement ring was an adventure we shared. Planning our wedding was a joy. We laugh every day. We get the giggles when we are over tired and make constant sex jokes. When I think of the perfect Man, it’s him. He’s it for me. No one has ever compared.

I think he’s just as happy - he dated a ton of women before me. He was sleeping with a few before we settled down. He could have chosen anyone. He could have continued dating. But he didn’t. He pursued me. He moved the relationship forward. I don’t think we’d still be together if he wasn’t. It’s not like he doesn’t have options.

If you think you’re settling for someone - don’t. They deserve that.

Title	Do u feel u settled?
Author	shourwe
Upvotes	3
Comments	11
Date	July 2, 2025 3:52 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lpzg73/do_u_feel_u_settled/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-u-feel-u-settled.1556148 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556148

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