The STBXW made a very generous offer of resolution that included more child support for me than the calculator came up with as well as covering all of my training and certification expenses for wherever I go with trying to restart my professional career as I have been out of the work force for five years because she asked me to stay at home. I opted to take it as I'm tired of dealing with my lawyer, who can't seem to get me anything I want despite what I pay her, and dealing with the STBXW who is an emotional drain and whom i can't avoid because we have a 4 YO son together I have primary custody of. I even told her I wasn't going to fight her anymore on trying to block her boyfriend from interacting with my son. I just give up. Long term I'm not going to win, she's going to get what she wants and all I'll have is bills and more time I'm forced to deal with her. I just want to move on.

But there's nothing to move onto. I never want to be with another woman again after this. All my son does is contradict and argue with me about literally everything and anything, but he's a 4 YO. I got this in stereo though as my wife did the exact same shit, undermining me for four straight years to the point I am spiritually and emotionally exhausted and my confidence is shattered beyond repair. I can't go through this again and I've read enough stories of guys who went through exactly what I went through to know that all of them save a few unicorns are exactly like this. There's nothing special about any of them. I can't go through six months of lovebombing followed by interminable years of withholding of affection and emotional terrorism again or I will actually kill myself. My mother died worried about me because she could never say anything about ir to my wife out of fear I would just get treated even worse.

So now the future is just pointless hobbies and self-improvement to help me pass the time and starting over in my professional life as I near 40 so that I can just barely scrape by while I'm a full-time single parent with no social life who has to do all the heavy lifting and no one who can really help me out. I am living existence at its barest minimum, for the sake of my child whom I love more than anything, and this is the best it'll ever get.