How are you hot but single?

seduction-ModTeam · 2025-11-25T18:46:17+00:00

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Worth_Newspaper3678 · 2025-11-25T15:57:33+00:00

Not hot but am single

OpinionThink481 · 2025-11-25T16:03:53+00:00

Not everyone wants to be taken. Some people just want to fuck casually and/or focus on important things rather than getting distracted with a romantic relationship that requires way more attention than a casual hookup here and there.

CaStoz3 · 2025-11-25T16:19:25+00:00

Mix of things. Little bit of commitment fear, some recognition that I don't have the time to give a partner the consistency they deserve, partly that I’m enjoying more casual relationships & fulfilling my sexual needs within friendships.

Both_Warthog_3386 · 2025-11-25T16:03:08+00:00

avoidant attachment

emotional intimacy scares me. I can like someone a lot, but the moment they start showing real seriousness, I start pulling back and convincing myself it won’t work.

I’ve actually lost three really good connections because of this.

I’m seeing a therapist now, and I also use some professional dating advice sites (like chαt-visor) to help me adjust my patterns. The biggest thing I’ve learned is to tell people early on that I need a low-pressure dynamic and some space to process emotions. If someone understands and respects that, I can gradually stay grounded instead of running.

but honestly, I’m not afraid of being single forever either.

nintendoborn1 · 2025-11-25T16:19:10+00:00

High standards. Want someone with similar body count that likes me. Rather than someone with too many options to care

Quick fucks, my standards drop like the tide

Intelligent_Text_791 · 2025-11-25T16:28:51+00:00

I don't consider myself hot but attractive a bit and I can talk to everyone and my success rate is high too when approaching.... I am a student and I can't take the risk of dating I don't make money and live with my parents so I use my parents money only on my needs not on dates but I like talking with girls and improve my skills lol

Groundbreaking_Boss5 · 2025-11-25T16:37:39+00:00

Low self esteem, low confidence and fear of rejection that I have only stated to get over this past year. I was also friends with some people that didn’t have the best reputation but I have started to distance myself from them.

gfa22 · 2025-11-25T16:51:25+00:00

My ex and I argued like crazy but she was well educated, intelligent and actually challenged me logically. I just can't feel that same level of connection with anyone since.

shittybillz · 2025-11-25T16:55:22+00:00

I was probably an 8/10 in my 20’s (34 now) and I had long stretches of being single. I think 6/4 years of my 20’s I was single.

I’m kinda picky personality wise. I like a specific kind of gal. That reduces my potential matches. On top of that, I’m a little awkward and my humour is strange (super dead pan), which further reduces the potential matches.

I did fine at the bar picking up, but it was rare things would go much further than that.

Also I did end a 3 year relationship when I was 25 and purposefully stayed single until 29. I wanted the freedom.

DefeatTheUp · 2025-11-25T17:38:00+00:00

Too independent for most people, honestly.

BlastFiend1 · 2025-11-25T16:27:51+00:00

Because I don't have much of a social life. I work (with men and I'm a man), go to the gym, NA and AA meetings which is mostly older men and the rest of my time is spent with my kids. And OLD isn't working. But tbh I only do FB dating and my pictures suck.

Any_Yak9211 · 2025-11-25T16:35:32+00:00

no need for a relationship at this point in my life (24 F) taken care of by my parents and have amazing friends, lots of hobbies and passions, raised a dog on my own.. only thing i don’t have that i need is sex! which is why fwb are perfect :)

Personal-Database-27 · 2025-11-25T16:41:48+00:00

If the person looks perfect, doesnt mean he or she doesnt have demons inside. Our society makes everyone have self doubt. You are never good enough. So hot people just close themselves inside, cause they dont trust people. I talked to many hot people, each had lots of demons. They are also just humans.

tonyferguson2021 · 2025-11-25T16:41:48+00:00

Avoidant, little social life, crappy location with few females of my ‘type,’

actually quite content on my own, miss certain things obviously but unwilling to sacrifice my peace and solitude…

Have a weird perception of my own age- every female seems much too old or much too young 😂🤷‍♂️

I am more attracted to the younger ones and probably have some conditioned fears or shame about judgments.

With the older ones I am always afraid that if we got intimate I would find something really repulsive about her.

Middle aged man living through his second ‘teen hood‘ Puer Aeternus which means eternal boy or Peter Pan type. One day I will grow up 😂

have no money, but if I got dressed up really smart, or somewhere (like the beach) to show off my body I would often get embarrassed and extremely self conscious that I look really good for my age , I guess this is another form of vanity leaking through my shadow and an expression of shame at my own vanity 🤷‍♂️

Its like wanting attention but then feeling super uncomfortable when I actually receive it

decal1210 · 2025-11-25T16:43:23+00:00

Autism. But I do get distracted when a potential interest comes in the picture. I think it’s time to focus on things that will help me instead of whether I will get a text back and that’s with girls I succeed with as well.

dragonforcingmywayup · 2025-11-25T16:49:18+00:00

Hot and taken - sorry ladies 🤣

cryptiiix · 2025-11-25T16:50:09+00:00

I have too many different hobbies that don’t align with peoples views.

I’m into Bass Music, Snowboarding, Guns, Cars, Hiking

Girls that I meet are either into Bass music but dont ski/snowboard because its too expensive. Turns out that are very liberal so they run away when they find out I have guns (I’m apolitical). Girls that like hiking and outdoors typically dont dip into the same music genre I like.

All of this bogus and I live in Denver which you think it would be easy since all these things are popular here. But at least 1 of these things is a turn off to someone.

Puzzleheaded-Wait125 · 2025-11-25T16:56:20+00:00

Because I'm an avoidant.

Emotional and physical intimacy scare the shit out of me.

chriscrowder · 2025-11-25T16:57:17+00:00

I'm married

dominiquebache · 2025-11-25T16:58:36+00:00

On purpose.

Currently not interested in any social relationship thingy.

And happy with that.

shmorgsaborg · 2025-11-25T17:01:49+00:00

Adult child of an alcoholic (she’s sober now) but it still fucked me up, generations of trauma from alcoholics and made me think that I had to earn love. That anyone I dated, if I wasn’t fixing them or anticipating their needs, I wasn’t worthy of love. So I always pick people that recreate this dynamic for me. So a lot of time wasted on people who aren’t worthy of my time or who only wanted me bc they put me on a pedestal because of my looks.

Glad I learned now! It just sucks bc dating is hard now that I’m finally ready for a real relationship with a healed and normal person.

glintingUZI · 2025-11-25T17:05:23+00:00

Assualt when i was a child along with religious conditioning made me slfear intimacy. I could be aroused and have a fear like im going to be intimate with the devil itself

ElmarSuperstar131 · 2025-11-25T17:10:20+00:00

Anxious attachment but overall it’s really difficult to meet quality men, especially because I live in kind of a sleepy town. Even if I didn’t it just feels impossible and the apps SUCK.

Whiskeybaby22 · 2025-11-25T17:15:33+00:00

I was single for many years by choice, high standards ( which I think is good) but also just focusing on myself and life.

When the right person comes along you won’t to live your life without them 😉

Captain_w00t · 2025-11-25T17:28:35+00:00

Experience, high standards and personality.

But I have several FWB, I love them, they love me. But I actually don’t want any commitment or exclusivity.

I already did my job: had 20 years marriage, had kids, had another marriage.

I tried some other relationship, but I’m so happy to be alone that when they are around my house too much (say, 2-3 days straight), I get anxious about my space and time.

My sweet spot is having a good rotation of FWBs (usually 3-4) during the week, text them regularly (even daily!), date them and having sex with them.

autodidacticasaurus · 2025-11-25T17:35:42+00:00

I tend to fuck up relationships further down the road (months or years) and I don't really approach enough to keep my pipeline full enough. Simple. Answer: Working on myself.

Normal-Help-1337 · 2025-11-25T17:49:23+00:00

All four xD

ashuftasar · 2025-11-25T17:53:44+00:00

1 High standards 2 inertia 3 Insecurities? Maybe 4 prefer peace over chaos 5 not a bragger. I am what I am. So I expect true love kinda thingy, or people getting attracted to me naturally rather than I forcing attraction 6 People presume,both boys and Girls, that I am not single given that I am good looking.

BRZRKRGUTS · 2025-11-25T18:00:16+00:00

Most woman in 30's have kids which make it harder these type of woman are either married or don't want commitment. You really have to have talk game as oppose to single woman and if your hot I would say easier. That being said I would get hit up on Tinder so I am thinking they wanted Hook ups. You can be hot but so will she and the woman tend to have rosters on dating apps, they will have he privacy screen, tinder, hinger, snapchat etc. So it will suck meaning your only shot is through apps. I had woman confess how they feel, only to have a different dude at work leaving her shieet lol. She was hot af and I doubt she was separated lol, the bs she told guys she wanted to mess with. She told the others she was married.

Ryzasu · 2025-11-25T18:06:40+00:00

awkward and introverted

Wean1eHu11 · 2025-11-25T18:22:43+00:00

Seems like every girl I like doesn’t like me back. I think it’s genuinely a curse now lol

tilldeathdoiparty · 2025-11-25T18:38:20+00:00

Sounds like a personal decision

RandomBlokeFromMars · 2025-11-25T18:42:11+00:00

if i can have a different burger every day, why buy the cow?

Only_Entertainer_142 · 2025-11-25T18:45:44+00:00

I think I’m average. I’m neurodivergent so dating feels taboo for me. I tried a lot between 17-24, and I think I turned a lot of people off by being too desperate. Because of all the weird experiences I had dating where I was led on, I don’t even know how to act anymore. Showing even a grain of interest in someone feels too much

leafygyal · 2025-11-25T17:09:15+00:00

High standards, low tolerance for nonsense.

CTWaythenthen · 2025-11-25T17:36:18+00:00

I'm "hot" in the sense that I'm good looking and somewhat fit (slender with muscle, but a small bit of body fat). The times I've been single (between relationships) is mostly due to having trouble finding a woman who has their life together and doesn't have kids.

Where I live, there's not a lot of women in my age group that I would call "mentally healthy" or that hasn't been consumed by the neo-feminist zeitgeist ("I'm strong, powerful, and owe everyone nothing; but a man has to do everything for me!").

My view is that two people in a relationship serve each other, not have these ridiculously high expectations and unreasonable fears that are brought on by modern social media.

This means that there is often a divide in what we expect out of a relationship. I expect to serve, communicate, and do nice/romantic gestures. She expects to be served, doesn't communicate, and does very little nice/romantic gestures.

Title	How are you hot but single?
Author	Lopsided_Meeting_984
Upvotes	37
Comments	43
Date	November 25, 2025 3:53 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1p6g0qa/how_are_you_hot_but_single/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-are-you-hot-but-single.1567389 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567389

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