Working or SAHM?

anywineismywine · 2025-12-16T15:26:33+00:00

Hi there, I'm in a similar position atm, I own my own company and have been very successful. Throughout this year though with having 2 young children, it's become more difficult for me to maintain my hours and work pressure. This year my husband brought up with me whether I'd like to stay at home instead - I said I'd think seriously about it, ultimately agreeing with him that I'd really like that

Since then to ease me into it I've been gradually reducing my workload and clients, at this moment in time I'm only working a few hours each day from home and taken on a full time role home making. The children are happier my husband is so much more relaxed and i am happier and not feeling so stressed out and guilty all of the time. If the kids have an appointment I can drop everything and take them, if they're ill I can care for them. If theure awake all night (common with our kids a toddler and a SEN child) then I can go to bed for a few hours in the morning and husband gets their breakfasts etc instead of one of us nearly killing ourselves to work all day and be awake all night. The house is tidied, cleaner and far better organised day to day.

It's my husbands final decision on whether he wants me to give up this last bit of work (I'm only bringing home £1300 a month now a significant drop from what I was bringing in a few years ago) but with his outstanding money management combined with not needing full time nursery hours /before and after school care, we feel better off in many many ways.

I do have some concerns namely around complete financial dependence which honestly stems from the fear mongering of modern day life, however we thought theres no harm at all in sorting out a passove income for me to solve that worry.

EDIT to say that I've just seen that you are TTC youre not getting ahead of yourself at all it's good to have an idea of what you both want . My husband has always loved the idea of me staying at home, after our first child I stayed at home for 18 months before setting up my business, initially to work around school hours etc. But it took off lol.

It's now we have two children and my husband asking me again that allowed me to think that he wouldnt be angry at me for stopping work.

5tealthNinjaWhattt · 2025-12-16T16:20:12+00:00

My vote is to be a SAHM unless your household really needs the income.

I had my own company for the first 7 years after my daughter was born. My hours were flexible and I was able to be there for her 21 hours of the day. The other three hours my mom came to babysit and it give us great comfort that we had a loving and doting grandmother helping to raise our child. Once my daughter started school I could be the Room Mom and volunteer in the classroom.

After that my husband retired me and it really was the best transition for our family. I was super Type-A before becoming a mom but relinquishing control was NICE and knowing I could trust my husband with his leading really surprised me. I grew up thinking I had to be this super independent boss-lady type. Knowing he’s got this just made me look at him like how proud are we to have a man like you in our lives?

Now that we have high school aged kids I do see a lot of moms going back to work, even part-time, partially because they want more purpose in their lives and need to make more for kids’ upcoming college tuition and car insurance. So if you really miss work and your career you know you can always go back.

They say the days are long and the years are short when you have kids. It’s unnervingly true. One day they’re infants and the next thing they’re taking their driving tests and getting ready to forge their own path in the world. You will want to be there for all the tiny moments and to savor all their sweet baby and little kid ways. Not one day goes by that I don’t look back.

On the contrast my sister had to send all her kids to daycare from the age of 2 months on. It broke all our hearts that this was their option but we lived physically too far to be able to help.

So I gently urge women to stay home and raise their kids if they have the option. 🤍

alittlebitburningman · 2025-12-16T20:34:22+00:00

Once you have the baby, you won’t want to return to work and you’ll be so happy you have the blessing of the option to stay home. Best to plan now for the transition! I will also add — it’s impossible to understand what I’m saying until that baby is in your arms. ❤️

PreciousMuffn · 2025-12-16T16:15:07+00:00

What is your support/childcare system like if you opt to continue working?

I have a 5 yr old now that was born in the midst of covid. We were already WFH because of that, and at the time lived with my inlaws.

I was so bored I chose to go back to work 3 weeks early, mainly because I could just work from my desk upstairs. If I'd had to commute the 35 min each way and be there at 8am that might have been different. My job also allowed babies to come to work until mobile or 1 yr (whichever came 1st) provided they weren't disruptive, but because of covid i never had to do that.

I became a full SAHM once she was 16 months as she was trying to kill herself every 5 seconds and I couldn't focus on both her and drafting court docs and handling appeals. I'd never wanted to be a mom, and especially never a SAHM.

But I found it more relaxing. I could just go with the flow of my kid's and my moods and schedule of the day. Went to the park a lot...had more bandwidth to cook family meals, etc.

When she was 2.5 I took over my father in laws real estate brokerage, and my daughter has been in preK since age 3. I like this job better because I can set my own hours and choose what jobs to take etc.

ArkNemesis00 · 2025-12-16T17:34:20+00:00

I wanted to stay home from the start. I had a SAHM growing up and it was awesome from a kid's perspective. I wanted to give my kids at least a good of a childhood as I had.

I've been a SAHM about five years now. It's not all sunshine and rainbows and if you're unhappy, you do have to put in work to figure out what's wrong and what you can do differently to increase your happiness. Sometimes for me that has been focusing more on intense hobbies that provide a sense of completion and intellectual stimulation, sometimes it's been chilling out and focusing more on fun times with the kids.

From a numbers perspective, go over your budget and see what you can reduce by staying at home (like your clothing spending or eating out). Add that number to what daycare would cost and then see if how these post-tax expenses compare with your post-tax take home pay. Your husband will still be able to contribute to your IRA if you stop working.

For me, babies have been cheap as hell. Someone threw me a baby shower but everything on my list was under $5k if we had to buy it all ourselves. Breastfeeding meant our only real expense was diapers. Walmart and Costco are fine for this. We did cloth diapers with our first until we broke even cause my husband didn't like changing the cloth ones. I didn't mind them.

AutoModerator · 2025-12-16T14:21:41+00:00

Title: Working or SAHM?

Author MajesticShare2232

Full text: Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself here, but as we are TTC, something that has been on my mind is whether or not I should stay home after having a child or continue working. My husband makes good money and we could comfortable make staying home work.

I currently make ok money. I am the second highest person in my department and have potential to continue to grow. My company is very good. Very family friendly. For example, one of my coworkers said to our boss yesterday that she was going to be late today because she was going to have breakfast at her son's school with him and our boss said that sounded fun. I can also work from home up to 2 days a week, probably more if an emergency occurred.

My thoughts are that I really feel a responsibility for my home and my family. My husband works over an hour from home so a lot of that responsibility falls on me since I am simply home more. He does help when he's home, but I also have higher standards than he does, so I care more. I want to be home, but I also worry if I stay home, that would end up unhappy.

I am just hoping for some insight on if you all work or choose to stay home or how you made a decision either way.

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flower_power_g1rl · 2025-12-16T15:31:34+00:00

"I want to be home, but I also worry if I stay home, that would end up unhappy." Can you clarify? Who do you worry would end up unhappy?

butterflyyzz · 2025-12-16T19:33:20+00:00

I do not have children but I understand that there is some complexity when it comes to having either a 1 income family or 2 income. If your husband is the breadwinner or has an income that is substantial for your family, SAHM. If you do not, maybe accept less hours or move into a part time role if feasible. I just know you cannot take time back and to be as active as possible in your children’s everyday life sounds great. I also understand women, specifically working women start feeling overwhelmed fully in SAHM and stop feeling useful to society because their success was built on their career but, honestly I think the best career will always be family, because that’s why people work at the end of the day to have a family.

SunRose42 · 2025-12-17T05:41:17+00:00

I mean it kind of depends. Some of us love our jobs. If you love your job and it brings you more fulfillment than homemaking/ child rearing, then keep working and use the extra money for childcare.

But for a lot of us, work isn’t a passion project; it’s to pay the bills. And if that’s you, then I’d say stay home. You’ll be comfortable and raising kids is one of the most meaningful things you can do with your time. Not to mention that it’s incredibly useful to have one partner in charge of keeping the home clean, groceries stocked, dinner ready, etc. That’s useful and important work and while you can make do while working a job, it’s less stress and more breathing room for everyone if you’re home.

What I will say: if you stay home, don’t make the mistake of making that your WHOLE identity. Like make time to volunteer or make art or something on the side. I feel like not having those other sources of identity and fulfillment is part of what led 50s housewives to go a little crazy.

Just_curious4567 · 2025-12-17T15:30:46+00:00

I stay home and a lot of times I’m bored. All the working moms I know are completely burnt out..they don’t have time to organize playdates and stuff like that. It’s like we can’t win! I feel like working part time is the best scenario. If your job has flexibility… I might try and keep your job at first and see how it goes. You can always quit later or cut back on hours later.

And this goes against what a lot of people say but I found that my kids did better after I put them in part-time daycare. It teaches them to interact with other kids, they have to follow directions, they see other kids eating different foods, the daycares potty train them, etc. even though I stayed home with them, I needed breaks to exercise, shop, and just be without them for a little while because when they are little, it’s pretty much nonstop.

When you stay home you also miss talking to adults!

So your choices are boredom or burnout! Welcome to motherhood!

tbirdh · 2025-12-17T17:48:31+00:00

I have my own debts and I enjoy my job. Due to childcare, I work 3 days a week (Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday.) My husband is home with the baby on the weekends and is happy to spend time with her. My mother in law is home with her on Thursday and loves her time with her as well. I love being able to get out of the house and have adult interactions with my coworkers. I still have plenty of time to keep up with the house and spend time with my baby.

Familiar_Accident802 · 2025-12-19T19:33:01+00:00

It is going to be up to you in the end.

Me, personally, I could not leave my job. We are a double MD household, so if I wanted to I could be a SAHM.

However, much of what makes me as a person are the relationships and abilities I learn while caring and learning about medicine. I will just switch my hours so I either work overnights or while my kid is at school.

SuccessfulGuidance51 · 2025-12-21T19:10:16+00:00

I always think : don't have more kids than you can afford. Personally as a SAHM we can only afford one kid which is fine with us. We live comfortably and we can still afford dates and fun stuff. If you can't afford the things you want for fun , don't have any more kids. I'm getting 2 tech Christmas presents from my husband because we can afford fun stuff , only having one child.

Title	Working or SAHM?
Author	MajesticShare2232
Upvotes	7
Comments	20
Date	December 16, 2025 2:21 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1po35aq/working_or_sahm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/working-or-sahm.1568985 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568985

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