Give her the house?

NC_Geezus · 2026-01-03T00:19:41+00:00

Currently, I (55m) am waiting on the the judge to sign the petition for divorce from my stbxw (54f) after a one year separation. We are divorcing because of her incessant infidelity with old boyfriends. We worked out the Separation Agreement before the separation with an attorney. Because we were married for 25 years (together for 30), I new that I would likely be up against lifetime alimony, so I agreed to give her my stake in the residence (my half the equity was around $350K), but there would be no alimony, no child support (both kids are over 18), and we would each keep our own retirement accounts, debts and savings.

So yes, I cashed out my half the house to forgo alimony, and I think it was worth it. She carried a fair amount of credit card debt that she keeps, and had very little in savings. Her retirement with the state is decent, but my retirement is considerably more. I'm walking away with no remaining attachments.

Pmoneywhazzup · 2026-01-02T20:23:10+00:00

I did something like this during my divorce (and I am a lawyer). In my state, a spouse can waive alimony/spousal support. I knew she wanted the house, so we agreed that I’d pay half the mortgage for four years in lieu of alimony, then she would buy me out of my half of the equity. Like you, I was absolutely opposed to paying that unfair bullshit (in our case, she has a well-paying job, but I made twice as much, so the alimony formula would have had me paying alimony for 18 years!). Judges take alimony seriously, so the judge asked her twice before signing off on it, “Are you sure you want to waive spousal support? You cannot come back to court and ask for it later.” I am happy with the deal I made with her. Two years and counting until I am completely free of that bitch. Have your attorney run the numbers. Remember, if you are paying alimony, the court retains jurisdiction over the case, which means under certain circumstances she can go back to court and ask for MORE MONEY.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2026-01-02T15:03:18+00:00

This is an attorney question. The one thing I'll tell you is this: you need to negotiate the entire settlement as a whole, and not offer individual bits one at a time. Alimony is legally mandated in some states, and offering to give her the house may not relieve you of that obligation.

Were it me, I'd take the cash from the sale of the home, invest it, and pay her out over time......assuming you have no intent of buying another house.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-01-02T11:39:40+00:00

I retained the house in the divorce and will absolutely trade it to cancel alimony. Just waiting for the right time to propose the trade. Could care less about the house and even though it's gone up significantly, I could care less. I just hate having to pay alimony.

No-Addendum-1373 · 2026-01-02T08:27:31+00:00

1- Does the jurisdical system in my country restrict her from filing alimony due to a bs argument a year after the case is settled?

If so:

2.1. In case she realizes she will not get the house, will she become hostile and attempt to stain my reputation which have the potential of me loosing my job and my family?

2.2. Is the house's respective sum + the dividents I will get from placing that sum into a lucrative fund greater or less than the alimony of XX years? (probable inflation as well as the headache from giving monthly payment should be taken into consideration)

Title	Give her the house?
Author	softinvest
Upvotes	1
Comments	11
Date	January 2, 2026 8:15 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1q1t4ti/give_her_the_house/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/give-her-the-house.1570214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570214

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