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View 74 posts and 395 comments by softinvest on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
73

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 07:59 PM
57

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 06:30 AM
51

Rantsoftinvest/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 10:40 PM
39

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 02:18 PM
39

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 07:53 PM
34

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 02:25 PM
30

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 02:47 PM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 04:58 PM
29

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 03:32 PM
28

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 02:06 PM
28

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 07:23 AM
27

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 04:10 PM
25

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 06:14 AM
23

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 03:10 PM
23

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 10:13 PM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 01:13 PM
20

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 02:23 PM
20

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 08:59 PM
20

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 03:56 PM
20

Rantsoftinvest/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 05:32 PM
19

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 05:10 AM
18

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 01:07 PM
17

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 05:54 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 01:46 AM
15

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 09:40 AM
15

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 03:34 PM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 02:58 PM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 05:00 PM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 08:03 AM
12

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 03:16 PM
12

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 04:56 AM
11

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 02:57 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 06:38 AM
10

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 06:48 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 02:25 PM
9

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 05:12 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 05:05 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 05:43 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:40 AM
7

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:05 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 05:28 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 11:19 PM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 05:31 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:10 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:04 PM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 05:08 PM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 09:45 PM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 11:21 PM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 05:01 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 05:37 AM
6

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 01:13 AM
5

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 02:20 PM
5

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men19/06/21 05:35 AM
5

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 01:00 PM
5

Lawyerssoftinvest/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 09:40 PM
5

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 06:13 AM
4

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 05:00 PM
4

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 01:17 PM
4

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 04:50 PM
4

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 10:18 PM
4

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:25 AM
4

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 05:21 PM
4

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 05:17 AM
4

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 03:42 AM
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softinvest/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 12:09 AM
3

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 03:46 AM
3

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 05:20 PM
3

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 05:34 AM
3

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 03:42 PM
3

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 05:40 AM
3

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 02:58 PM
2

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 03:58 PM
1

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:53 AM
1

softinvest/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 08:15 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

I’m similar (48). I want to keep my retirement and give her the equity in the house and most of the ridiculous amount of contents in the house. The contents far exceed what I want anyway. All told the equity and belongings are much more than my retirement and she gets it right away. I’ll be on the hook for child support but it’s a manageable amount and timeframe
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 04:07 PM
1

This is me. I want to be rid of her forever
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 08:04 AM
1

Thanks. I want to be rid of her too. I want to be rid of the courts. My kids are old enough where child support will end in the next 5 ish years. And I too have lifetime alimony hovering over me
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 08:02 AM
1

Love hearing this. Enjoy the peace and extra money
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 08:06 AM
5

Unfortunately more and more women are beating them in court. It is simply not worth it to marry or cohabitate. They must always have a residence that is not with you
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 06:23 AM
4

Wonderfully said. Men should not marry. Most of us don’t desire it, but it is the single biggest financial burden you will ever experience in your life. Single guys, don’t do it. I married an independent educated woman who stopped working after 10 years and refused to go back. I made the financial mistake of staying with her
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 06:20 AM
6

It’s ridiculous that they can do petty shit but if we do it we’ll get accused by a judge of being hostile or unfair. The world needs to change
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 12:57 AM
1

Love hearing this!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 12:55 AM
1

So nice knowing I was not alone in this. There was so many reasons to file, but this one just grinded my gears. And then they get stressed and pissed off because the house is a mess and you are doing nothing to clean it. Meanwhile you are stacking junk on top of junk.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 10:35 PM
5

Everyone can do this however I’m referring to someone who takes a scenario and when they are on one side of it then it is your fault and when they are on the other side it is still your fault. A small percent of guys I have met are like this but a larger percent of women I have met are like this.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 11:42 PM
1

I have spent a lot of time trying to find a way out of spousal alimony. There are some outlandish ways to avoid it. -Prepare years in advance. Lose your job and live off of savings for 3 years , then file for divorce. If it doesn’t eliminate support, it will drastically reduce it -Move slowly and quietly post divorce, tell no one and never return. Pick the right country -Hope she somehow comes into a large sum of money. Maybe encouraging a rich guy to get to know her
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 06:34 AM
3

I’m glad you got clarity from it. Marriage, and the hatred that happened in mine, has offered clarity as well. I will never marry again, and I will never financially expose myself to anyone else. My life is my life and no one else gets to say how I live it
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 06:15 AM
4

How did you make it thru
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 05:32 AM
2

There are no written laws stating lifetime alimony. Instead they call it “indefinite” once you’ve been married 20 years (common law counts in that number). To remove the indefinite there has to be a good reason to argue to a judge. “She won the lottery, she married a rich guy” are some options. Me getting into a car accident and no longer being able to work would not be considered a good enough reason
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 05:30 AM
1

I’m actually in Canada altho I believe California has it
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 05:27 AM
3

I’m ok with a policy for my kids (some are now adults). As long as she can’t haunt me in my death
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 05:25 AM
2

Honestly, I would 100% leave if I didn’t have kids. I would slowly sell my belongings and vanish into the night. I would pick a place where I could avoid being extradited/extorted and sample it for a year or so before making it permanent.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 05:23 AM
1

I’m a lifetime alimony person. Leaving the country has crossed my mind
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 07:13 PM
4

Sad. Sorry man. I’m ok with child support. Spousal support should be illegal. Get a job, get a life. If the economy tanks and we lose our jobs why is the onus on the payor to continue paying. Why aren’t they required to work
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 05:27 PM
6

Absolutely no reason to get married. Please guys, learn from our mistakes and DO NOT get married. I don’t care what you think you stand to lose, it’ll be far worse than you can ever imagine
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 03:35 PM
1

I would keep my life insurance payout in a trust for my kids. The kids are almost all adults now so they don’t need her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 03:33 PM
3

Unbelievable. I’m so sorry man. Women get far too many accommodations by the courts and it is sad.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 03:32 PM
8

My guy. So sorry for this. I was ridiculously emotionally abused for nearly 20 years. It rewires your brain to a level of paranoia and always being on edge. I wish courts would prosecute it like physical abuse. You can try nesting but tough when she’s an abuser
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 03:58 PM
4

This is the only way. Please, unmarried men, DO NOT MARRY. Don’t even live with her without a pre nup. Protect your future, marriage has a 50% failure rate. Another percentage suffer in their marriage in silence
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 03:11 AM
5

I hear you. It is so disgustingly bad in 2025. I spent probably 1000+ hours trying to find a way to not pay her spousal alimony. Short of doing something illegal, there is no way. My wife was emotionally and psychologically abusive (once even physical) and I still couldn’t avoid it. My wife refused to work, demanded a higher standard of living, and for years played the stay at home mom victim while I paid for a nanny for her so she didn’t have to work at the job she signed up for. I actually con…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 03:09 AM
20

The trick is to stop caring. It’s done it’s over. Her successes and failures are hers
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 02:48 AM
3

Personally, repeatedly threatening divorce is a sign of manipulation for control. This marriage will not get any better even if you come to some agreement on your religious/cultural differences. Also, comparison of her deceased ex to you to belittle you is also emotional manipulation. You will eventually be turned into a shell of who you are. This behavior will not change. Unless you learn to fight fire with fire, get out, and never look back
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 12:01 AM
3

Humans need a purpose. All those times you wanted to do something for yourself in your marriage, but didn’t, try it. I’d recommend finding yourself first. Don’t complicate your life with a relationship, level up yourself and when you are ready you can consider it again. Once you find yourself, your passion, your purpose, having a relationship will be the cherry on top with the RIGHT person. But learn to cut it quickly when you see the red flags
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 08:19 PM
1

Put it thru the court system. There are apps that will record all communication. Use ChatGPT to give emotionless responses.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 06:04 PM
3

Love hearing this
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 06:56 PM
2

A lawyer once told me a husband slapped his wife on her butt years ago, once, when walking thru kitchen. During the good times. Years later, they were getting a divorce, and she filed a sexual assault charge against him. For that slap. That’s the world we live in.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:43 AM
1

Ya this right here. If you ever married one that constantly needs an explanation for every decision you make, you can appreciate this next level freedom. Especially if the explanation isn’t approved by her, then she’ll use it and weaponize it as incompetence. The invisible weight gets lifted, and you can eventually clear your mind and find peace again
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 02:45 PM
3

Any sexual assault proven to be false should subject the accuser to the equivalent amount (or more) of jail time and public judgement. Maybe, just maybe, people won’t be soulless humans if this happens
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 02:27 PM
2

Yup. One way street if I do
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 10:55 PM
2

I am considering selling everything and getting citizenship elsewhere. We all have a timeline on life and I’m ok with moving so she can’t get access to it. Now just to find out where
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 06:12 PM
3

Love hearing these stories!
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 05:21 AM
19

As I get older I become less interested in sex. I realized as I was a boiling frog trying to escape the pot that relationships are not worth my loss of peace. We’re too gullible or desperate to please our wives. Some of us are strong enough to say no to them, but I wasn’t one of those guys. I can be 100% happy being alone and fulfilling my curiosities and enjoying life. Not only that, most marriages fail and many of the ones still together are miserable. And then when they fail you lose half of …
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 05:25 AM
2

No not at all! I actually can relate to what you are saying
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 04:37 AM
3

I never thought of it as ok. I didn’t grow up going thru that, and I’m grateful for that. It does amaze me that people think it’s ok to attack the person rather than address the problem. Attacking the person will cause resentment, anger as well as a host of other issues. If I got mad at my daughter and told her she was a horrible person, and the next day I’m nice to her, what message am I telling her. At the very least I leave her confused. And then imagine following that pattern over and over a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 03:04 PM
2

I feel the same way. It’s our responsibility as parents to remove ourselves from the situation before getting to this point. It’s never ok for a man to explode emotionally and abuse a woman in any way. It most certainly should not be ok for a woman to emotionally abuse her daughter. That shit sticks with the kid, for life. Home needs to be their safe place, or they will find it somewhere else
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 02:57 PM
3

Yes, all words. What she does is collects all of my flaws and stores them in a part of her mind. Where she is mad at me she unearths all of them in a way to bring me down as brutally as she can. I can’t even raise my voice in a fight without her saying “I am frightened for my safety” just loud enough for the kids to hear. Even tho I am typically a very docile person
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 05:51 PM
4

For simple stuff she will. But for core things, her behaviors, when she clearly overstepped and hurt someone else because she overreacted emotionally, never. Her emotional reaction is always a direct result of someone else’s action according to her. But if her overreaction turns out to be because she misunderstood what a situation was, she will not apologize. She will paint over it by changing the topic
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 05:45 PM
2

Oh yes how could I forget that. Mine did that. Not only did she not accept any accountability, she turned it to find and get me to apologize just to make the bullshit end
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 03:44 PM
1

Can afford not to…interesting way to say it. Yes, this is always a choice, but after being with the same type of person for over 20 years I get a distorted view and think they are all like this. It seems hard to imagine they are not
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 03:39 PM
3

For me, if I were to tear someone apart like she did me, I would be boiling with anger and generally disgusted. An hour is not going to put me in a place where I’m all of a sudden social, somewhat nice and talking like she didn’t just attempt to tear out my soul. Her comments were not something most people would ever say in their life. She has always been a closet case of ripping me apart and then by me never acknowledging that again it didn’t happen so she doesn’t have to feel less as a human f…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 03:37 PM
2

All the fake DV claims mentioned here…I hope the women are prosecuted for lying about a fake domestic violence charge. DV can absolutely destroy a man’s life, and women who file them should have the book thrown at them
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 07:28 AM
13

This is something that has always concerned me. My kids have loved me, but their mom is their mom and since I’ve had to work and she’s refused to work, she has naturally had more time with them. I think many men are at a disadvantage, especially if the ex wife wants to alienate the kids from you. If I knew a fraction about marriages as I know now, I would have never ever considered it. I would never marry again, no matter what. The idea that you could forever lose contact with your offspring, is…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 09:59 PM
4

I also will never give a lump sum. Sounds great to not be burdened with alimony but I don’t want to lose my job and be left with nothing, after years of building equity in my home
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 12:47 AM
3

I would up vote this twice for the last line if I could
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 06:09 PM
3

I will add that to my deal
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 06:08 PM
1

My friend this would be a dream outcome for me. Mine will be going for the jugular. I will do the imputing part but I have 20 year marriage which is like an infinite thing where I am. I feel like I’m financially imprisoned and want to leave the country some days.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 06:06 PM
2

No unfortunately it doesn’t and I’m not somewhere they care about that anyway. But good to see some places still care about it
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 05:29 PM
3

That’s awesome. And I really like the disability law in Arizona. My wife falls into that. She’ll claim she’s too sick to work but she’s just lazy and doesn’t like interacting with people. She has no disability, just lies she told people about being sick. But she’s would never quality for disability, there is zero medical evidence to support that. Mine didn’t have a DUI but I think my kids would want shared, since they are all teens now and can choose
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:23 PM
3

She does have a degree. She hasn’t used it professionally tho but it could be a lucrative degree if she ever cashed in on it
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:15 PM
3

Honestly I’d love it if I had evidence of physical assault. It’s the number one thing that would give me a chance at eliminating spousal support. DO NOT delete those photos. Consult an attorney and discuss your options
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:08 PM
4

I was so naive when I got married. I thought my wife was just never wrong. But she was far too clever, and I was far too gullible. She twisted everything to never take accountability for the bad things she did. If she did something bad, it’s because of a situation created by someone else that left her no other choice. And to this day, over 20 years later, she will still not accept responsibility
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 06:20 AM
10

Most ex husbands nowadays are told they are narcissists. It’s such an incredibly overused and abused term its lost all its value. Not sure you can come back from that. What will she do next time she’s told no
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 06:17 AM
3

Amazing. So incredibly amazing. Good for you and congrats. I hope that for all in here!
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 06:13 AM
2

It’s too bad but this is exactly true. Mine was logical until she was emotional. And then she became psycho. She once told me that I was rude when I told her a story about a retail store worker pretending like she didn’t hear me to avoid helping me. My wife had said it was likely the store worker was deaf and I was being an asshole for not considering that. And then got mad at me over it
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 10:19 PM
2

Oh man. While my wife didn’t pill pop, the victim mentality in this deeply resonates with me. It is utterly exhausting listening to them say the same thing about being a victim constantly.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 10:15 PM
1

Genuinely apologize when you know you did wrong is the quickest way to disarm a guy. But ego gets in their way
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 10:13 PM
2

This deserves 2 up votes. It’s misery
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 10:12 PM
1

And separation is what is needed when they cannot take accountability for it. It is the right choice.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 10:11 PM
3

Receiving an apology instead of doubling down on the wrong behavior is huge
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:25 PM
1

Oh victim. My wife is the victim to every single person she’s met in her life. That word is triggering to me. Shes even a victim to her own kids.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:24 PM
1

I think it’s gross that we have to “put them in their place”. How about be respectful, and earn it in return
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:23 PM
1

Love it. Describes it so well
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:20 PM
3

I very much agree with what you are saying. My wife didn’t live her life with privileged status as a child, but I nurtured that by never calling her out on her bullshit. Hear me, simp men, call your wife out on her bullshit, and if she can’t own it and apologize, leave her. If you want to live stress free and get laid, don’t sacrifice your integrity and self worth to get there
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:19 PM
3

I wish I could say mine grew up in an environment that supported her princess hood. Instead, I created that environment by wrongly subscribing to the happy life happy wife mentality. I will educate all of my kids (boys and girls) on how wrong that is. I have found a few women in my years that will apologize and admit they were wrong. My parents had a healthy relationship and I wrongfully assumed my mom’s behavior was typical. I married an “independent woman”, who wont let any man tell her what t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:16 PM
2

I 100% agree with boundaries, but I also think humans should be respectful. Dogs I can cut some slack to
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 10:35 PM
3

Yup. Cant disagree. She’s a volatile one. I used to keep good boundaries but she would resort to ruthless acts until I quit fighting her. But quitting fighting her was my downfall. I should have just left her then.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 10:33 PM
1

Free sex stopped a long time ago for me. As did love, connection closeness and support. I just have the bill
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 06:24 AM
1

I don’t disagree. It’s a bit more than just principles. I got kids too. But ya leaving her is the right thing
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 11:47 PM
5

This hit home. Wow. I’m 47, in a toxic marriage, and don’t want to pay alimony based on principal because my wife refuses to work and is generally lazy. The thought of her getting it all in my death is not ok. Thanks for this
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 02:38 PM
2

I saw a couple a while back that, before they got married, they created the paperwork to divorce automatically after 7 years of marriage with a prenuptial agreement in place up front. Before they were married. So before 7 years they have to go to the courthouse and renew it. This is a wonderful idea. Decide up front when emotions are positive and then let it dissolve if it’s not worth saving. Nice and clean
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 02:31 PM
4

The ones that are unhinged seem to think they make great therapists. I noticed that
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 02:23 PM
2

What’s most important is you follow your beliefs, your morals. Don’t let her emotional response dictate how you handle a situation. It’s on her whether or not to be ok with how you handle it. This is where having a partner who doesn’t become emotionally unhinged is best. You can have a conversation and express your concerns without fears of attack. Both you and I have been trained to do as they say or face the wrath. The beauty of facing the wrath, and remaining calm, is you take their power awa…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 11:55 PM
4

I’ve turned down travel for work. And you want to know what’s even more wild, I can’t even tell her when I’m asked to travel. If I tell her I was asked to go, and I turned it down, I am a failure for letting my company down. And if I tell her I was asked, and go, life becomes a living hell and that’s something that is never forgotten.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 07:13 PM
11

I could have written the same thing. Honestly, modern day men are cornered. We’re told to be soft and own our feelings and then we are disrespected for showing the soft side. We softer men are too accommodating to our partners and they exploit it. And when we push back a little, they actually double down to get us back in line. I do 90% of the required things around the house and I’m the only one working, and I’m made to feel like garbage when one of those things doesn’t get done. And when I pus…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 07:10 PM
1

Between spousal and child, I owe between 65-80% of my income
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 06:37 PM
2

There shouldn’t be a country in the world that allows this to happen. I consider it modern day gold digging. When a marriage fails, BOTH people should be required to work full time or sacrifice payment. I can completely understand why some men move to countries where they can hide from spousal support. I wouldn’t do it because of my kids, but if it was just my spouse I’d absolutely consider it. My problem with spousal, is it’s higher than child support for me and it is infinite and will increase…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 06:35 PM
17

Guys should not marry. Period. At the very least, I wish spousal alimony was not a thing. Child support is fine, but handing money over to an ex that chooses not to work because they get the free money should be completely eliminated. Spousal alimony should be contingent on evidence from a doctor that there is no job the spouse can do
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 04:00 PM
8

This right here. They will never respect you if you show them you are a backup plan. For the sake of your own life and happiness, do not depend on anyone else for anything. Having someone in your life that compliments you is a bonus, be happy without needing someone
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:28 AM
12

I felt your comments deeply. I’m in the middle of ending my marriage and this is exactly why I’ll never allow for this in my life ever again
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 08:09 PM
1

The iron clad deal was her to return to work when our youngest went to school. She Left work in 2011, should have returned 2016. What year is it again? 2 years into sahm she unilaterally said “I’m going to take a year off after the youngest goes to school for myself”. I said that wasn’t part of the deal and it was like I threw a bag of mentos in a bottle of coke and shook it up. She blew it. Then for years there was all these reasons why she couldn’t return. And during those years I heard endles…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 05:09 AM
2

You’re on this forum, and this is happening to you right now. See it for what it is, and draw a firm boundary if you are not ok with what I just told you is possible.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 06:01 AM
4

Because my wife did not return to work, and where I have has horrible family laws, I will be on the hook for paying her spousal alimony and child support to the tune of 75-80% of my salary (and that’s with shared custody). My stbxw also doesn’t have to return to work, but if she does, every dollar she makes will reduce every dollar I owe her. So, unless she gets a job that pays more than me, what is the incentive for her to work???? My kids are all teenagers!
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 06:00 AM
11

You want to know the best way to find someone else? … Find yourself first. Find a purpose in your life. Not a wife. Find a reason you want to get up everyday. Maybe you want to become a marathon runner, maybe you want to travel the world, maybe you want to volunteer regularly. Obsess with something that will drive you to focus on life. Life isn’t all about being married. I used to think the same way as you and I fell into the trap of being boring to my wife. Being predictable and way too accommo…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 05:24 AM
9

100 upvotes from me on this one. #3 fucked me over badly. Mine promised to return to work. I married a smart one with a degree but once she got the taste of not working, I could NEVER get her to back
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 05:14 AM
24

There are a lot of bad things that came out of my marriage, but getting financially f*cked is something that will burn forever. Become obsessed with making money. Put in 3,6 or 9 months of hard learning on something and let this whole failed marriage motivate you to be super successful. If you don’t owe her anything apart from a bit of healthcare, then make boatloads of cash she can’t touch. The time your kid is with her, pour everything into your empire. And never ever put yourself in a positio…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 05:11 AM
1

Is affordability before support payments or after?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 04:58 AM
1

Thanks. Well I am the only one working so technically I can pay for it but after alimony and child support there is no way I can.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 04:57 AM
1

No. They ask questions about why we don’t behave like other couples but they haven’t been told we’re cohabiting. The irony is I read the card and it was like it was written by a different person, she treated me like garbage the rest of the night. True love!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:34 PM
4

Ya. This. I. Love my kids, my parents and some close family and friends. Outside of that, I won’t be buying into the “love” thing ever again. Overrated. I’ll be focusing on building financial freedom and always being in control of it. Never letting the courts into anything ever again
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:31 PM
2

Did you leave? My kids don’t see us fight because I just don’t fight her. So the kids experience mom abusing dad and then mom topping it off with a “dad made me miserable so I’m a tortured soul because of him”. So it’s tough in the kids but honestly my kids will understand if I leave. I just hate knowing it’ll mess them up to some extent
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:27 PM
1

Me too. Almost All my 40s gone because of this bs. She could try to claim “I was a wonderful wife” but my kids literally see how she treats me on a regular basis. They wouldn’t buy it
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:24 PM
2

She doesn’t spend apart from groceries etc. I’m the only one getting paid and I see where all the money goes. If she’s tucking some away it’s not an incredible amount. But ya, Rip the bandaid. It’s 100% a kids thing. Their life gets ruined instantly and the mom becomes the classic “my ex did everything wrong and he is to blame for everything.” She had said once she’ll start with the false accusations but alas I don’t have that recorded.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:22 PM
3

I’m not necessarily hung up on it. I just think there could be a sinister plan behind it. I don’t trust her. It’s such a ridiculous comment that I can’t understand what she is up to
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 05:08 PM
2

It’s hard but I stay neutral with the kids. I just don’t go there. And exactly what you say is happening. She’s so ridiculous in her criticisms that the kids are calling her out on them. Money is why we cohabitate. She won’t (refuses to) work and I’ll be financially crippled because of the alimony/child support.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 05:06 PM
5

I would double vote up this if I could. Accurate comparison. I have decided I don’t ever want another relationship again because I have seen how disgustingly hateful someone can be. Toxic doesn’t begin to describe it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 05:04 PM
1

I think friends, a hobby, wealth goals and volunteering will be my future. I like the idea of having someone to share it with but I no longer believe a partner will not try to change me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 02:02 PM
3

Good for you. At peace and with a plan. Love hearing this
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 03:01 PM
2

I can relate with a lot of what you are saying. My wife was insistent that I was a covert narcissist so I did what I normally do in that situation. I self reflected, went to therapy and sought advice. I needed to understand what she was seeing. That’s when I got clarity. My therapist told me it was likely my wife was the narcissist and projecting onto me. The projecting part certainly resonated with me, strongly. Every failure she has ever had so have supported her but then somehow she found a w…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 02:58 PM
3

The no stress part is golden. I’m tired of do this do that while they sit and criticize. Truly not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 05:39 AM
6

Getting laid is no longer a big target for me. For me, it’s potential trauma. A road I care not to travel again.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:17 AM
6

Ouch. But honestly when you get old enough it’s no longer high on the list. Being a great father, peace and financial security all rank (much) higher than getting laid
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:51 PM
5

I feel you. I empathize completely. It’s not a life to live. From moment to moment you don’t know if the bomb will explode. Once day how you change the garbage is completely moronic and the next day you are brilliant for doing it the same way. It’s not a way to live
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:32 PM
2

Nice to hear this. Congrats on finding the right woman. My wife married me with the expectations that she would change me. I gave in once I became too tired to fight anymore and became miserable. And now expectations are unachievable
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:22 PM
1

Well that’s sad. This is truly a great space. Was there a reason for this decision?
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 11:19 PM
6

Peace my man. Peace. The expectation bar kept raising while the appreciation bar kept lowering
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 07:44 PM
3

I think I just enjoy hearing perspectives. I’m pretty much dead set in my thoughts about future relationships, but I always like to understand and learn from others
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 07:43 PM
1

It’s shuttering?
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 07:42 PM
4

I don’t sail but I feel you on everything else. I have kids and they are my priority. The risk of a bad relationship isn’t worth the chance for a good one
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 07:41 PM
2

Do you find the peace outweighs the lonliness
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 07:40 PM
2

Did you prenup the next one? I would never ever expose my assets again
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 07:38 PM
5

This kind of stuff is why I don’t think it’s worth it. Also, financially they cripple you when it’s over
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 07:38 PM
1

Solid advice. I’m so battered from the abuse I’m not even sure what peace looks like anymore. Thankfully I know it exists as I had a great childhood
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 07:45 AM
4

Wow. Mine is just emotional. Never jail altho some of the things she says should warrant prison
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 11:54 PM
1

I guess I just mean I’ve typically been a go with the flow person but I’ve also allowed her to violate boundaries to keep the peace. Short term thinking. It’s important to stand your ground and align with your values or they will forever exploit you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 10:29 PM
1

Why in my name only? We have a house credit line. If I ask for a separation she’ll immediately take from it. We need it to help pay our bills right now since she won’t work so each month we go further in debt. I wish I could lock it down but I can’t. I’m also a bit confused about who pays for the lawyers. She doesn’t work, so does that mean I foot the bill?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 09:53 PM
2

I like the diary idea. Explain to them the truth and share it with them when the time and their age is right
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 09:50 PM
8

I think this is true. They see me as the lesser authority and as a result are losing respect.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 09:49 PM
3

I have literally recited the conversation I am going to have with her over and over again in my head and in a soft voice when no one is near. I have practiced remaining cool and calm and on point. I’m not a hostile guy, unfortunately I lean more toward simp (working on that). I need to keep calm as when she goes crazy it’s hard not to raise your voice and defend. And then she calls police and says she feels threatened. I’m actually going to be secretly recording the sit down, in case she goes th…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 09:48 PM
5

Oh I’ve heard from her how I’m a narcissist. She’s got a phd from Google. Basically I’m a narcissist because i sometimes disagree with some or all of what she says. Her ego is made of glass. When I first looked it up to find out if I was one, one of the things I read was - the first person to accuse the other of being a narcissist is typically the narcissist
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 09:43 PM
3

Hearing the words “freedom” and “beautiful” gives me something to look forward to. I feel like I’m on death row, pleading my case to a deaf judge
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 09:41 PM
2

But how. I have been trying to plan but she monitors money out very carefully. Money wise I don’t have options, I have an unemployed abuser who I’ll have to pay to continue abusing me. She already is slowing turning the kids into disrespecting me. I am worried about false dvs, but what can I do to prevent something false. I’m documenting right now and have been for a year. I’ve recorded some conversations (single party). I can show a pattern of behavior. I’d love to hide money, kick her out and …
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 09:40 PM
5

I feel like with the way the world works, keep everything legally separate so that when/if it breaks down again, lawyers don’t get rich off you anymore. Be smart, everything separate and know if your woman is the type to file false DV charges. If they can’t get it one way, they will try it to get it another way. I believe people should ONLY be allowed to get married if they sign a prenuptial agreement up front. If you can’t have that conversation openly and honestly before you marry then your ma…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 04:38 PM
7

The long term prognosis on relationships is why I’ll never want anything long term again. I like the idea of having a partner for life, but not one that constantly wants me to change to hit a new goalpost
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 06:46 PM
14

It’s so easy to please men. Respect, acknowledgement and peace. If you can give those things to a man, that man will do anything for you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 06:45 PM
22

Mine once told me how I wasn’t peeing right. That my form was wrong. And not to be funny, because she was annoyed with how I did it. I can relate to all of it and it sucks. “Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted”, favorite Doors quote. Honestly, when it reaches this point, you have to fundamentally change. But what sucks about this is us men do NOT get married with the belief that we must change. We’re ok with compromises, but what you get on day 1 is what we give on day 10k. —-Has anyone on he…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:44 PM
2

Sleeping in my car would really suck. But honestly, when you are treated so badly that scraps of positive is a euphoric moment then you know you are risking your life by staying
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 04:00 PM
1

The lawyer is to help me with that but I have been doing some prep. I don’t have anything put aside really because she sees where every dollar goes. I have a supportive family. The child and spousal support calculators tell me I’m screwed but I’m even more screwed the longer I stay. I don’t have anywhere to go and no amount of planning will resolve that. My marriage has been toxic and I’ve lost a lot of friends as a result of being isolated
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 03:18 PM
0

Yup. And my kids are older and don’t need a SAHM. She just won’t go back to work
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:26 PM
2

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:26 PM
3

She’s aiming for the false charges so that’s why I’m worried. She’s hanging that over my head if I pull the trigger
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:25 PM
2

Take the offer this time!!! Honestly what I’ve learned from all of this is that you can only rely on yourself. A spouse should complement you as you do them. I’m going to get myself and my kids back on the path and not be worried about dating again
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 11:19 PM
1

I think all we can do is keep communication open and honest with them. And show them our love and hopefully they figure it out. I have no intention of passing my judgement on my wife onto the kids
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 10:32 PM
1

That part will suck. I have older kids but not adults. So that will be brutal. She will definitely alienate and I’m not sure if there is anything I can do to stop yhst
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:39 PM
3

I think it was a doors song that said something about how a woman completely changes when they view you different. Can’t remember the song but it’s true. We’re toxic now and have been for years in spite of me bending over backwards. It had the opposite effect, she just lost more respect for me by doing that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:37 PM
1

I have realized thru years of this bad marriage that you can only work on you. I used to hope my wife could find peace after this but I’ve reached the point where I no longer concern myself with it. She’s not going to care when I’m gone so why do I worry. Bitterness is a poison pill
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:35 PM
2

I figured. But it’s their anchor to carry, I will move forward. She is no longer my partner
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:28 PM
1

Sigh. Hearing you say that brings me to exhaustion. I was hoping that separation would allow me to find peace but I fear the same ol’ will come up again
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:51 PM
6

I didn’t set boundaries and you are completely correct. Unfortunately now it’s a hindsight thing
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:47 PM
3

Absolutely love that quote
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:53 PM
9

Yup, but why does this have to be a thing? It’s so gross. If they are unhappy, I am not responsible for making them happy.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 04:39 PM
11

It’s sad. It’s sad for the woman that don’t behave that way. You know what’s even worse, if they study this and find that women do this, I’m sure they’ll conclude it was because it’s men’s fault. I am SOOOO looking forward to not being married. And not because of the desire for someone else, but rather it’s the desire for peace.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 04:37 PM
3

You give us all hope. All the best to you and your new anxiety reduced life!!!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 04:14 PM
1

If the income change is significant enough they can order it immediately if they are made aware
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 04:46 PM
1

Annually
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 06:04 AM
4

Thanks. I wish I had a Time Machine to create an LLC. Better yet, one that takes me to the moment before I decided to marry her so I can slap myself.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 11:06 PM
5

If you pick wrong your life is ruined. If I wasn’t so blind and naive, I would have never married. And I NEVER will again. It’s simply not worth the risk.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 06:34 AM
2

Join a community of men. Make some life goals, build some good friendships and remind yourself everyday that you are worth happiness. Don’t rely on happiness from external sources.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 11:17 PM
1

I’d rather be alone, focusing on my future and supporting my kids future, than worrying about providing more of myself to a black hole
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 07:54 PM
1

For me, it doesn’t matter what they want. In my mind, I want to be alone for a while
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 04:44 PM
6

I don’t view this as cheating but, after going thru marriage hell, I am in no hurry to be with anyone again when mine is done
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 04:28 PM
1

Finding hookups may be better for you. Honestly, take a lot of time before another relationship. I think all of us divorced or soon to be divorced men should really just live alone or with our kids for a while before trying to give ourselves to another. The world is skewed heavily in the woman’s favor right now. The pendulum has swung way too far that way right now. The odds of you finding a genuine woman, not caring about your resources and actually caring about you, is likely low. The stronges…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 03:43 PM
7

I married someone on the path to riches in her field but marriage made her lazy. Guess who know longer works and who has the big alimony to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 01:44 PM
3

Even with this, I still don’t trust courts and marriage
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 01:42 PM
3

Almost the exact same thing happened to my uncle. My dad was going to receive a large inheritance from him and the brand new fling pulled the rug out from under him within months of them getting together (and they were late 70s). He was diagnosed with brain cancer and she hired a lawyer and took control of everything. My family was almost entirely left out and the stuff they did get was damaged due to the kids from the other family’s total lack of care.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 01:41 PM
1

Being alone sucks and we think we can cure it by finding someone to fill that void. A lot of us can’t be in the company of ourselves. We need to man up and not be simps and always plan for the worst and until we do that, these stories will persist
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:04 PM
5

Yes. I couldn’t agree more. But the ridiculous assertions and statements that she is making makes me question my realit(ies) and questioning her own realities is something she will never do
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:53 PM
8

I couldn’t agree more about tending to our own harvest. All people should live life on their own for a period of time and be happy with that before bringing someone else in. If you dump your happiness onto someone else as a responsibility you will be disappointed every time
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:50 PM
3

Does boom mean you left her?
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:24 PM
11

lol. Slow intentional clap for this one!
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:23 PM
9

It’s true. Mine always relied on me for everything. I was happy to do it for her but then it became expectation. Smart you picked a new partner who was single for a while first. Be with someone who can be on their own and you know that person is with you because it’s you
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 08:44 PM
22

The one thing I learned from this, for me, was that I got pretty resentful over her going rampage over one mistake when I had 500 good things I did before that. Rather than get resentful I should have just expressed that the behavior wouldn’t be tolerated and then had the balls to do something about it if she continued to be that way. I will never operate future relationships thinking there is a bank. I will be good to them but I will leave them if they can’t see my value.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 08:40 PM
39

What drives me is she invents the past to suit her narrative. I used to think I was putting money in the bank so to speak for years with her over all the good things. But in reality there was no bank, none of it is remembered
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 08:27 PM
10

Bingo.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 08:25 PM
2

You have no control over what she tells your kids when you are not around. Show them your love when you are with them and fight for equal time with them if you leave. The kids will eventually see the truth by your actions.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 08:24 PM
1

I feel you, man. Mine became toxic. Very very toxic. What you are sharing is a step in that toxic direction. A healthy, constructive marriage would have two people sit down and have a discussion about their concerns. A healthy marriage would be one where the kids can be kids and not confused about why mom treats dad so badly. Conflicts where the partner feels the need to rip their partner apart in front of their kids tells me that they are not healthy for a relationship. Let me flip the script. …
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 08:22 PM
1

But how do I avoid defaulting. Banks don’t care if we’re divorcing, they only want payment. If I keep paying the bills for x number of months while we are sorting out divorce details, will I owe her child and spousal for those x number of months we are in flux? Double dipping so to speak
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 07:48 PM
1

This makes sense. My wife has a massive massive ego so attacking her will set her on the revenge path. And yes, that would be super expensive
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 05:18 AM
1

Are we not allowed to argue and disagree as long as no threatening things are said. This is all bullshit. Courts should not cater to these women. I will be driving it home to my son to never ever marry. What can a woman do if she records an argument where nothing criminal is said. Does she cry wolf that she was scared. I have never insulted nor threatened my wife, ever. Man I need a body cam but it has to be completely hidden so I catch her true personality
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 05:17 AM
1

I thought you can’t cancel anything when you file. Like everything remains status quo. Also when I file child support and alimony will cripple me. Do I keep status quo (of me paying for everything) until it’s decided or will she demand the support later on even tho i paid for everything while we wait for conclusions
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 05:11 AM
1

What’s the downside to the argument besides losing my own peace. I feel like she needs to hear the reason I’m divorcing her. She should already know but I can’t assume that. She’s not going to own or like what she hears but the truth hurts. I won’t be threatening, intimidating or anything like that nor will I raise my voice. I will just speak facts.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 02:46 PM
1

Does filing first actually make a difference?
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 12:57 PM
2

Only once a while back and not too serious. It’s mostly been verbal barrage and mind fuckery shit. Really bad to the point where I’m going to need a lot of post marriage therapy to appreciate and understand my worth as a human being.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 12:56 PM
1

What do you mean? I don’t care to play it, I just want out
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 12:15 PM
1

There is no valid answer for marriage. Be with someone, fine, but never get the government involved. I think there should be a course that kids take every year to undo what Disney has done to people.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 04:37 PM
1

lol. Sad but true and really funny
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:57 AM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 04:23 PM
3

You bring up a good point. I could tell her I’m going to file and then she could pull the trigger on a purchase since I didn’t officially file.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 04:26 PM
2

I didn’t realize that existed. That is outstanding. Honestly, all states should be that way
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 09:10 PM
1

I dont think many men on here want to desert their kids. I think many want to support them. But I’d much sooner support mine 100% of the time with me applying 100% of my salary to that cause. The problem is courts tend to favor giving the women more than 50% of your income even tho you have 50% custody. My stbx also doesn’t work and refuses to work therefore I am financially punished further. When I look at my salary I think I should be fine but then it evaporates to the tune of 65-75% to my vol…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 08:03 PM
1

Find one with more money than you and then you should be able to reduce the financial burden. But beware if they lose their job
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 07:37 PM
1

Does this actually work if you live together tho? If you have kids you’ll have child support. If you live together you’ll still have common law. The only hope is to live in different places or an iron clad prenup, that is never truly iron clad
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 07:36 PM
2

Mine is single party
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 01:04 PM
1

Mine is emotionally unhinged at times. I think my calmness drives her crazy because she wants me to do something.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 04:05 AM
1

Very very good point. Setting the tone. I feel like this here would make a big difference
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 04:02 AM
2

Sounds like my situation. I wish you the absolute best. Some want the gravy train to keep going but they can’t figure out how to destroy them and keep the train alive. Sometime our careers is what protects us from false DV claims
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 04:01 AM
1

Why what happened by not filing first
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 03:59 AM
5

How will I ever load the dishwasher properly
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 03:58 PM
3

Exactly this!
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 03:57 PM
7

Oh a classic. Almost forgot. So many gems
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 03:30 PM
2

Not one exact thing but rather a behavior. In good times, getting along mine would listen and be empathic about my vulnerabilities/challenges in life I might be having at that time. A future time we’d argue she would weaponize those private conversations just to chop me down so I’d bow out and give her control. Systematic destruction of self worth and exertion of control.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 02:38 PM
11

Just the mere fact that they portray themselves as blameless is infuriating. No one can live their life without making mistakes. Impossible. I’ve never wanted to fast forward my life before
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:52 PM
3

I like this wholesome answer. It’s true that I have to do it for myself. And yes attitude shift etc is important. It’ll be years before I can shake the toxic feeling this created unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:45 PM
2

I am such a happy dad when she is not part of the picture. My kids see who I really am. When she is around I literally get mocked for having fun. As if having fun means I’m incapable of anything else and I don’t deserve to have fun with my kids. To me these are problems in her but the constant projection gets to me
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:43 PM
2

I’ve documented several things over the years. But I feel like without her actual voice recording it’s my word against hers. She’ll deny it, conveniently forget or flip the narrative. But at least I do have something.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:39 PM
3

When you say “take everything” what do you mean? I will accept nothing less than 50% with my kids but they are old enough now where they have a choice. I will not fall on my sword for her, I’ll only be giving her another reason to disrespect me. I hate this feeling but I would rather make my attorney rich than let her impose her will. Id much rather my kids have a better life while with her but I know it won’t be all going to them
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:47 PM
1

I’ve bitten my tongue for 20 years with her and I feel like I’m only validating her by not disagreeing with her. And that’s certainly not the message I want to give her. The irony is she looks at me and says I never accept responsibility for stuff but she is constantly projecting her incorrect thoughts onto me. It’s mind fuckery at best.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:42 PM
4

Exactly this. I was a manager of a 10 people and a product but yet I’m incapable of everything else in life. And she is a hard worker but she rubbed so many people the wrong way when she did work that she got fired/constructively dismissed from multiple jobs over the years. And it was all their fault.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 03:39 PM
7

Is it just ignoring her or is it defending yourself to others. She has a narrative about me and she is perpetually the victim. To those that only know us a little, she was “lucky to get away from me” because of how she portrays the marriage in her mind. It’s mind blowing. And then feeds this to the kids too
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 02:52 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 05:48 AM
3

Thanks. I’m addition to that there is a list that helps. It says “change all your passwords”, go grey rock etc. very helpful but cannot find it
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 10:38 PM
2

I would if possible but she is not happy and is angling to maximize money if I leave her. She knows it’s possible so she’s already in the know. Alimony could be set based on my salary but then if I get let go I have to fight to get it reduced where I am. And if I quit and divorce then judge will force my current salary on me for alimony. Trapped is all I can say and she refuses to work
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 06:05 AM
1

I’ve felt that way for a while now. Bpd is definitely a good fit. I often can’t say something because she may react explosively one day and happily the next day to the same thing. And then if I don’t say it and it comes up in some form later then there is hell to pay for not saying it. But if I say it in the beginning then I create situations that requires answers and that is more than she can handle and goes crazy for putting that on her. Even tho I’m only asking an opinion. And then other days…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 10:25 PM
1

I am so happy to hear that. The fact she even tried reenforces the common thread I read on these forms. I never got married thinking “she is my meal ticket”. I never dated hoping to snag a rich one. I dated women that I thought were kind and fun. My attitude has changed, I will only date a financially independent woman because I’m not being with someone whose end goal is to live financially free on someone else’s back.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 01:07 PM
1

I think this forum is a solid landing page for all of the things you mentioned however it’s up to us to not only be validated with our feelings but also see the part we played in our marriage demise. I have heard for years, all the horrible things that I am from my wife. meanwhile I’m the only one paying the bills, I supported our own kids more than my SAH wife and I felt like an evil monster on the best of days. I spent time in therapy to which I was mocked by her for doing so, looked inward to…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 01:01 PM
2

I’m worried about the loneliness of it but that is an issue I can work on within me. The strongest types can live a life with just themselves and be happy. My first problem was thinking another person would “complete me”. I’m reality, I shouldn’t be in a relationship if I’m not complete. A partner should be the cherry on top of a completed person.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 12:41 PM
1

Absolutely. My wife has major unresolved childhood trauma to which I naively ignored when we dated and I married. I never realized how unbelievable that changes someone. Her need to control everything to feel safe is exactly why I can’t handle her. And what’s insane is she paints it like I try to control her even tho I’m the doormat. Fun then run sounds like a better plan
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 12:35 PM
1

You’re lucky you had an agreement. I’m in the worst financial situation, I married a woman who wanted to be a SAHM but return after our youngest started school. Well the youngest is in middle school now and no sign of ever going back. I’ve asked her many times over the years to go back and the response is always the same - she flips it on me, calls me controlling, mocks me for not making enough for her to stay at home, says she’s not ready to go back or promises to go back and then never looks. …
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 12:29 PM
2

Nice to hear the other side. All I know for sure is I will never financially cripple myself again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 05:21 AM
1

I would never ever be with someone who isn’t financially independent or well off. It’s not only the fact they have their own money and don’t need yours but also they have usually have reached that point because they are driven and remain with you for reasons other than money
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 05:19 AM
1

None. But cohabitation can create legal hell too. Living separate homes would be best
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 05:17 AM
1

Lol. After being financially screwed for life as a result of this, I think I would answer the same way.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 05:16 AM
5

I read a lot of guys just do casual, nothing serious. I’ve reached a point where I just don’t trust and it’s not because mine cheated. It’s because mine tried to mold me into what she wanted rather than what I was. I don’t trust because I’m not a project to be fixed and controlled and abused if I don’t conform. And then to weaponize the personal vulnerabilities I shared in confidence. I really don’t care to have another woman mother my kids neither so with that mindset casual is better at least …
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 04:29 PM
1

The Dr. comment made my eyes open. My spouse has stormed out of countless different doctor offices because they have all told her the same thing, which is not what she wanted to hear. She even had many negative tests done for which she said she lies in the margin of error on those tests. I learned it’s emotional abuse when you approach them to discuss something and by the time you are done explaining your feelings you are left apologizing to them. Emotional manipulation and abuse. If something b…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 06:17 PM
1

Not standing up for your rights will actually hurt you and your kids in the long run. Asking for your legal share is fair and not unreasonable. If your stbx knows she can bully you into accepting less than she will know that when push comes to shove later on she can bully you into accepting situations involving the kids when coparenting. Stand your ground, respectfully, and accept no less than what is legally fair. If she wants to hissy fit over it, keep that bullshit away from your kids ears. C…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 02:30 PM
1

Flip the script in your mind. What would she want?
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 02:24 PM
12

No. Never. Date, if you want, but never ever marry again. Letting the justice system control your fate will end in disaster. Ill be happy alone
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 10:28 PM
2

Thanks! I’ll look into it
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 06:11 PM
1

Unfortunately i don’t have one. My wife is pretty savvy and quite paranoid. I’d have to be very careful. She actually accused my son of recording her once and he would have no reason to be doing it
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 06:11 PM
2

Do you mind if I ask why it was admitted it court and how it made a difference?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 06:05 PM
2

Where I am it is legal one person
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 02:24 PM
10

This. Don’t marry. If you must, pre-nup, especially if it’s a sahm. At least an independent woman may not feel so dependent on you and she may actually make more than you. You cannot prevent cheating. Impossible. Just be ok with walking away with your money as soon as it happens. My stbx is a sahm by her choice and hers alone. She is smart and independent but lazy. Pre nup will help protect you from this but honestly, don’t marry. Be ok with being alone and be happy for it. Find friends, love fa…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 03:36 PM
2

I figured. I am in a place where child support is necessary for a child entering university. If they don’t, no support is necessary. I’m just wondering if the support can be sent to my child directly but yes, it’s sounding like a lawyer is best to anseer
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 03:31 PM
1

I’m certain I’m married to one of those. I’m about to find out
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 03:59 AM
6

Mine has tremendous baggage from childhood that manifested into her need to control everything. I bought into the happy wife, happy life mentality but realized that pleasing them to deactivate the bomb did little other than to delay it until another moment and add a sprinkle of resentment each time. Her expectation increased with each new thing I took care of and she then had more things to complain that I was doing wrong. That then led to more resentment and if I tried to call her bullshit it w…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 07:01 PM
3

Which website are you referring to? Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 07:07 AM
2

Build a plan. If you are ok with never seeing your kids again then I too would move somewhere else to avoid giving her a dime. If it makes you feel any better you can put that child support money into a safe place and give it to the kids to start their life once they leave the nest or she dies. If you become a slave to support payments then your mind could take you to bad places. Can you get her income imputed if she doesn’t work? Can you get 50% custody, even if it means moving states? Think of…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 05:57 AM
6

One of the best responses I’ve seen on this sub. I hate how truthful this is. Career slavery is exactly it. Supporting my lazy ass entitled stbx for life for leaving her and her abusive ways
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 05:43 AM
1

There is consistency in people’s responses and I don’t want a larger bill at the end of the day. I’d rather be completely rid of her
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 07:47 PM
1

Anger. I’m tired of biting my tongue. I feel like screaming sometimes. Some spouses are so emotionally ruthless. My wife calls me a gaslighter for having a different opinion or disagreeing with her. Labeling is becoming ridiculous nowadays. After hearing the comments I will pursue no fault because I’m not interested in an even larger bill. She will already bankrupt me
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 07:46 PM
1

I’m so bitter at mine, she is a toxic human being hell bent on my suffering because her entitlement should rule the world. I bite my tongue only because of my kids and the fact she could be recording me at any moment. I wish I could expose her for what she is to the world but it would only hurt my kids which I cannot and will not do. My kids are innocent and loving and do not need this. But then I listen to bullshit like her saying she was a super mom when they were younger and I want to serious…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 01:06 PM
4

Adopt a kid if you really want one. Having a child with a woman will RUIN you if you pick the wrong woman. And it’s very very difficult to find the right one. If you want companionship, get sterilized and then take care of all the legal stuff up front like prenup. If she says no or puts up a fight then be strong enough to walk away. I have been married once and she absolutely entirely ruined me and divorcing her will further ruin me and the endless threats and actions toward ruining my life will…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 01:01 PM
4

My wife has already played the abuse card. She’s setting the stage by saying certain behaviors of mine are “abuse”. If I disagree with her I’m gaslighting her therefore psychological abuse. I won’t share anything with her emotionally so therefore I’m emotionally abusing her. If I forget to pick something up for someone after they requested it but two weeks later I go out and remember to get myself something then I’m a narcissist because I only think of myself. She would absolutely love if I hit …
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:54 PM
3

There is no love between my wife and I. She won’t hesitate to destroy me in court. The things that fear me the most are she is ruthless, vengeful and smart and if she feels wronged by someone she will scorch the earth. The question I ask myself is what good does a TRO do to my kids. I strip them from her to give me an advantage to their detriment. Even tho I think she’s a bitch of a mother to them, she loves them in her own insecure way and they love her back (and fear her too). Hearing how ugly…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:48 PM
3

Tell me about it. Smart enough to tell me I’m not doing something right and how I should be making more money but too useless to help contribute
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:38 PM
3

Mine is too smart for her own good. She’s smart and lazy. And she’s very vengeful. She’s incredibly fragile which to me comes from a terrible ego. If I were to imply she had any fault in our marriage she would likely scorch the earth of me. She does have a degree but she refuses to work
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 05:07 AM
5

Glad to hear your friend wasn’t falsely accused. Knowing that they are capable of that makes me never want to date ever again. Fucked up world we live in. I’ll never get married again. And if I cohabitate it will be with an iron clad prenup with a woman who has her financial life in order. There really hasn’t been any true violence. She did a couple of minor things to me in a fit of rage but they were pretty minor and happened years ago. And I never touched her and never would. This is why the w…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 05:03 AM
5

Will filing first help prevent the TRO? We hate each other but are only together for the kids and because she won’t get a job and we can’t afford two homes. She won’t be civil.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 11:56 PM
10

Nothing is more important than your kid. Do you really think your kid want to live their life on the road (or in the air). She wants her cake and to eat it too. Fuck her. Draw a hard boundary on that. She is choosing that guy over her kid by doing that and I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes to him with or without your girl. Do NOT live in a separate state from your kid or there will be consequences you cannot always anticipate.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 11:11 PM
5

She sees you as a doormat. My marriage mirrors this because I made life too easy for mine. I caved to everything and when everything became not enough I became pathetic trying to do everything to please her. It had the exact opposite effect. Focus on your kids, your health and draw strong boundaries. You don’t have to become an ass but just choose not to take it anymore. It’s not easy, it will get ugly and may end up in divorce but at least you’ll walk away with dignity. You are more than the bs…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 07:01 AM
1

You have literally given me hope
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 09:55 PM
3

Definitely wired different. We are usually more logical and they are usually more emotional. I can completely relate with your comments. Mine would get angry and dig up something completely unrelated I told her years ago and throw it in my face thereby making the conversion shift to my failures.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 01:18 AM
5

I’d give her a drive to the court if she wants one. Depending on my mood I might charge her fuel. And after this marriage, I am not so sure I want another relationship. If I ever got in one, finances, prenups and everything would be in place first.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 10:33 PM
4

Most overused and most understood word. Basically you’re intentionally trying to mess with their reality and sanity. Came from a movie I believe. I don’t have time for this bullshit
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 10:30 PM
4

Oh almost forgot the mansplaining comments. And women wonder why some men stop talking
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 10:09 PM
4

Oh I feel for you. I hope you got away from her. Is it fragile ego that makes them do this. Why does anyone need to feel superior to anyone else. Be human. Fuck. No one is better than anyone else
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 09:50 PM
1

My stbx is the label-maker (yes that is me labeling her). She loves labeling everyone with conditions. I try to understand why she just can’t see people as people and why everyone needs a label but I can’t wrap my head around it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 09:05 PM
2

All women tho? Has anyone found a safe woman to carry on mature disagreements with respect and no criticisms and name calling. All people want to be heard and if a person cannot accept being in the wrong ever or hearing alternatives to their thoughts then who has the problem
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 09:03 PM
1

A part of my brain knows that what you are saying is true but she has me questioning that belief. I feel like I’m going insane
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 08:59 PM
8

Yup. Narcissist. I get that sometimes too. I’d rather never date again and focus my life on my kids and have a dog. Maybe I’ll just never understand women but from what my marriage has taught me I don’t want one
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 08:56 PM
9

Thank you. I get all 3. I feel like I’m going insane. If I don’t agree with everything she says there is something fundamentally wrong with me because no normal person would disagree with what she’s saying
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 08:53 PM
1

I didn’t want my wife to be a SAHM. I agreed for short term at her request and here we are 11 years later with divorce on the table and her taking MORE than half while us sharing joint custody. Tell me how that’s fair. She has a degree, has a brain and a non disabled functional body and chooses not to work. My kids are teens, they don’t need momming anymore. Courts won’t care about what you think she deserves
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 03:57 PM
2

Amen
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 01:19 AM
2

I’m in that right now. I’m alone with someone and it absolutely drains the soul
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 01:29 PM
2

Ulcer meds probably good idea. Never thought of that but my guts rot regularly. Separation and therapy only solution imo
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 05:45 PM
7

Hey man. Sorry you are going thru that. My wife accuses me of gaslighting. I had no idea what it meant. And when I looked it up, I was convinced it described her really well. For instance my wife has a medical condition where she could develop a lifelong problem is she travels by train or plane. So asking her to travel by plane or train would be an insult to her because I should consider her condition before asking that question. She could actually rage on me for just asking. So I don’t. The oth…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 04:43 PM
3

Makes me never ever want to get in a relationship ever again
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 06:48 PM
3

I’d upvote this twice if I could
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 05:43 PM
1

Sounds about right. I’m doing some of those things now but I’m not emptying bank account
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 05:20 PM
1

Have an appt tomorrow
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 03:45 PM
1

Thanks. I’m happy you got 50/50. Men are fortunate to get equality in divorce
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 03:12 PM
2

Whats ovi?
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 03:07 PM
4

Have an appointment tomorrow with one I already met with several months ago
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 02:46 PM
4

I feel she’s trying to provoke violence. I won’t ever touch her but I really feel like she’s trying that
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 12:57 PM
2

Thank you. This may be the best thing. I’ll need furnitures and items tho to start fresh. I wonder if I can buy those
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 12:18 PM
1

I would love to have married the woman you are describing. If the worst you can say after all those years is “lazy and boring” then I think you can work with that. Seek therapy, inject fun back into your lives. See what you can do for her. The grass is not greener and we should all appreciate the good ones. On the flip side maybe you prefer the high highs and low lows. If so, maybe she’s not the one. A woman can be such a wonderful compliment to a man if she supports and acknowledges him. Realiz…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 05:07 PM
1

This is an excellent book. Best book I’ve read to help me nail down my problems. I let my resentment take hold of me in my marriage much moreso than any other relationship I’ve been in. I think what happened is I got exhausted with boundaries and just let things slide rather than fight. Kids came in the picture and I further let things slide to avoid fighting around them and such. Then I started viewing her as someone who was abusing and mistreating me. On the flip side they see they can get awa…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 06:54 PM
11

And yes, lawyer. Expect it to get messier and be surprised and happy if it doesn’t. Do not believe anything she says during the process, look out for you and your kids only
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 09:48 PM
20

Focus on yourself and your kids, if you have any. Read, workout, make new friends and grieve. And don’t jump into another relationship right away. Personally I feel I’ll be happier if I’m not in another relationship for the rest of my life
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 09:46 PM
3

I wish I was that way tbh. I’m working on it. I respect how you acknowledge your needs first. I built up a lot of resentment by allowing my needs to go unmet. Do you get a lot of women ripping into you over your boundaries. How do you deal with that?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 03:11 PM
1

I can relate to what you are saying. They emasculate you and then blame you for causing them to do that. Last I checked disagreements will happen but healthy couples try to sort it out without making it personal. I frequently heard “you” and “always” or “never”. Makes you feel crazy because if you do something right 9/10 times and then someone tells you “you never do it right”.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 09:31 PM
2

I admit, it’s kind of sad to hear. I think you left when you realized things were not going to work in the future and were brave enough to deal with it right away. I let things drag on much too long to the point where an amicable divorce is only possible if one of us died
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 08:26 PM
2

Yes please do
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 05:25 PM
2

She knows exactly where to cut. I have a documented incident where she told me she was going to “rewrite the good memories the kids have of you” in the event of a divorce. I get her need to want to hurt me, but that hurts the kids and should not ever be ok. I have constantly taken the high road, not fighting back and just accepting what she says about me to have the kids lead a lower stress life. I want so much to be able to right that ship of destruction but I know what you are saying is correc…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 04:35 PM
2

I appreciate the analogy. It does feel like such a weight. There is no momentum in my life, at all. If I feel positive about something, I am quickly reminded that I shouldn’t have hope for life and that I am a miserable pos. I watch how her mother communicates with her and her mother simply agrees with everything she says. I’m tired of the don’t rock the boat life. I think once I’m out of it, the constant fear I’ve felt won’t haunt me as much anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 03:44 PM
2

Yes. I lacked boundaries and let fear dictate that. I will need time alone from a partnership to find my esteem again before even considering dating
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 03:37 PM
4

If only women knew that appreciation is at the core of what men need. Woman want so many things from a guy but guys don’t ask for much in return apart from acknowledging that what they do matters.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 03:04 PM
1

Sock day = file for divorce day?
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 03:02 PM
1

Yes it is literally killing me. You are very right. Which, I wouldn’t at all be surprised if this was her plan. I married an Anjalina Jolie and she will never stop even in divorce. I almost feel this is one of those situations where you “keep your enemies closer”
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 03:01 PM
1

Sad to hear my wife isn’t a special case. This is exactly why I’m not interested in marrying again and perhaps live without ever getting into a relationship
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 02:59 PM
1

I feel like my wife aligns with BPd, ppd and narcissism. The ironic part is she thinks I’m the narcissist. I see that as projection
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 02:58 PM
1

Such a good suggestion. I did record some things like her mother saying how I was a good guy and didn’t deserve her treatment of me. Her own mother said that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 02:57 PM
1

Yes. I know it will be bad. I feel like I could end up broke, enslaved, my kids hating me and very few people supporting me at the end of the day. My kids love me deeply right now but my wife parents by being ruthless. Two of my 3 kids are behaving like I did where my self worth was tied to how she felt about me (so unhealthy I know). So they try to make her happy. Alienation is definitely on the table in this divorce
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 02:56 PM
1

How do you find life now?
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 02:51 PM
3

Oh the projection. If there is one thing I won’t miss with marriage, it’s the projection. My wife had a really fucked up childhood where she took on the failure of her parents marriage and many many other things as her fault and has reached capacity I think. Now everything is everyone else’s fault no matter what. But then she’ll say that I always deflect whereas I’m the only one owning anything in this shit show
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 02:50 PM
5

I very much feel this way about my stbxw. She worked full time for the first half of our marriage but then wanted sahm full time. I never realized how victimizing they become with it. Not once did I tell her “you must continue to be a stay at home mom”. She just continued to choose it. Eventually I asked her to return to work so we wouldn’t be hurting so much financially and I would do whatever I wasn’t already doing with the kids to make that happen. Apart from cooking, mine didn’t do a whole l…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 02:39 PM
1

Your situation sounds similar to mine. Even the narcissist part. My wife is convinced I am but my therapist doesn’t think so and she actually aligns closely with one. My wife also loves labels tho. The no more Mr nice guy describes me quite well and boundaries are the worst for me. I literally can’t say no if I feel someone will be hurt by me saying no. That is not good.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 11:51 PM
1

I do have qualities I do not like about myself and acknowledge them. Not being ok being alone is one such thing that bothers me but there are many others. I realize and accept a change is necessary. The recommended “no more Mr nice guy” book is really resonating with me. Since I was recommended it in this thread this morning I’ve already finished two chapters. I definitely have the nice guy personality which I want to shed. I think it’s difficult in my current situation because I do have someone…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 07:52 PM
8

I know. And it’s difficult to do that but I try, daily. Being in a marriage that reminds you of why I shouldn’t accept myself doesn’t make it easier but I will be out of it soon. I’m ready to embrace the next chapter and find my way to self acceptance
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 01:56 PM
5

Just focus on myself but perhaps become a better man for dating later in life
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 01:33 PM
2

Gross. And perhaps the worst part is she has reproduced. I hope the lawyers can find an angle to recoup the money and make sure measures are in place that she can’t do that again when she gets pregnant again
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 04:28 PM
1

You need to get out my friend. She needs to do something to make it appear that you are the evil one
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 05:31 AM
1

I have no faith in relationships right now, maybe never again. But being able to live a life without the constant criticism should never be taken for granted. I look forward to alternate ways to make money that can be mine and mine alone
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 07:19 PM
1

Wow. That’s a level of paranoia that mine didn’t have. Mine just requires everyone to drop everything and look for it as if it would never be found until that was done. What you are talking about could be a form of schizophrenia
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 07:15 PM
1

Your comments sound so familiar that I’m realizing not getting into a relationship ever again may be best for me. The eggshells and stuff going temporarily missing are two big ones for me too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 04:29 PM
1

The double standards thing made me feel insane. It’s ok if you do it that way but if I do it that way there’s a problem. But perhaps the biggest double standard of all was I was not allowed to be upset with a situation that she upset me with. I must “deal with it” but she is allowed to emasculate me under any circumstances that she perceived I was wronging her in. That’s the divorce level stuff
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 03:16 PM
1

If you don’t have kids then financially you are much further ahead than many men. I’m in a situation where I will be giving more than half of my income to my wife who chooses not to work (child support plus alimony). So she gets all her bills paid and all the time with them. Courts are not fair and she will likely be a monster during separation/divorce but, at the end of the day, you only have one life to live. If you have equity in your house then that can go toward lawyer fees. Yes, it sucks r…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 02:41 PM
13

Wow. This is manipulation and control. She will do what she wants and she’s actually telling you how you need to behave when this is over. And what if her new man she finds has a kid. I have learned to not trust. They will feed you whatever to get their way. My wife has threatened me that in the event of a divorce she will rewrite the children’s memories of me. It’s such a disgusting comment and filled me with fear at first but then I realized, I can’t let her keep control of me. If she wants to…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 05:25 AM
1

Don’t admire me. It took me way too long. I am not an example of what to do. I am an example of what can happen if you don’t do it
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 03:08 AM
17

Don’t feel guilty about the equity. Most men on here are the ones that give away half to their wife who won’t work. Mine is one of them. Don’t fall on your sword for her. It does sound like she cheated
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 02:31 AM
1

You have to realize that you can have both happiness and giving to the kids. You are not in control of her and no matter if you stay or go that doesn’t change anything with her. If you think she can work on her issues, then great, but the traits you have described are not something that can be fixed or not fixed easily. Unless you see her aggressively trying to rectify her issues then you will continue to live in misery. What I’ve noticed about myself is I’ve become bitter, lonely and defeated. …
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 02:26 AM
1

Up to you at the end of the day. I wish I walked away sooner. As a matter of fact I haven’t officially walked away yet. I’m working with lawyers now and serving her soon. My experience is it will not get better and you start pondering what the meaning of life is. You starting accepting that you are not meant to be happy. My joy exited my body. I became a slave to her emotions and I didn’t like the person I became. I have to refind myself. Longer I was there the worse it got
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 01:12 AM
1

Don’t underestimate anyone, especially one with those traits
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 12:16 AM
1

My wife made close to the same as me in the beginning. Now I make 4x my salary and she doesn’t work at all. I am obligated to go to work at that salary and pay her to stay at home. With shared custody she is entitled to 60% of my salary. My wife not working is her decision that I strongly opposed but I cannot force her. Her staying home was always part of her plan, she just never let me know that
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 12:15 AM
1

Disclaimer: You are asking this question in the most biased Reddit group you’ll find. Absolutely not worth it. Younger kids bounce back better than older ones. It will only get worse Support costs will only get worse Your sanity is worth so much more That feeling, in the pit of your stomach, will never go away She might actually respect you more for erecting firm boundaries The time you’ll have with your kids will be far more enjoyable when you do not have to obey her every unreasonable request …
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 11:58 PM
3

Thank you. I will confirm this fact with my lawyer and I am very happy to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 10:58 PM
2

I’m not sure tbh. I have requested an appointment with my lawyer to discuss. We both can’t stand each other now so giving her papers will turn this into a ridiculous shit storm. I expect her to try and get me kicked out for some false accusation. I thought child support was right away but it makes more sense that it remains status quo until we move out
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 10:53 PM
3

Thanks. She doesn’t know but the hatred/indifference between us is pretty bad. I’m working on the prized possession thing but I don’t have a family home to put in. Need a storage locker
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 02:16 PM
3

Good to know. I won’t be doing that
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 12:35 PM
6

I will always take care of my kids. Not giving my wife that money is taking care of my kids as I will use the money for them not her obsessive hobbies that change every 3 months
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 05:30 AM
4

Thanks. Are you speaking about only spousal or both spousal and child? I will die on the 50/50 hill but my kids are older and will have choice too.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 02:13 AM
18

You held a firm boundary. Good for you for doing that. Not holding boundaries is exactly what allowed my wife to walk all over me. Her reaction to your boundary is simply her manipulating you into getting IVF. The yelling and screaming will not change. That new behavior is just temporary and if you share kids with her the rest of your life will be this way.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 09:52 PM
3

I hear similar things altho my situation slightly different. At end of day I’m married 19 years with kids and a wife that has refused to work for a long long time after many promises over the years. Protect yourself tho, as from what I’ve read, divorces can bring out the monster in some even if they are depressed now. Hurt people hurt people. I also struggle with this. I make a really good salary but by the time I pay my child support and alimony dues, I’ll be lucky to afford a 1 bedroom. And it…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 07:42 PM
1

What’s a good iPhone recording app that runs 24-7? Is it possibly to run it silently so if she grabbed my phone to lookup something she wouldn’t see it? What cloud do you use?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 07:37 PM
1

Do not get married If you insist on getting married then get a prenup first
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 04:07 PM
2

Thanks. I ask because I feel like if she files first then maybe she’ll feel empowered and not need to go that road. Whereas if I file she may feel revengeful for being rejected. I am desperate to get out and start a new life but depending on how I leave it could get incredibly messy. I’ve seen her cut off her own family for 10 years just for a perceived slight against her so how she’ll react when she is losing her kids 50% will be bad
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 02:04 PM
1

Ok. I was thinking about the storage thing. I’m going to have to find out storage costs in my area. I feel like she’ll file a tro and then burn my shit while I’m out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 01:16 PM
1

At times I think bipolar. I think narcissistic at times too. She’s very controlling and very very sensitive. Any perceived slight or negative comment about a choice she makes is war. You cannot openly communicate in a compassionate way because her ego won’t allow it
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 03:00 AM
1

Haven’t started the divorce yet. When you say put into storage, do you mean rent a storage unit and start tucking stuff away? What is a “blue”
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 02:58 AM
6

The answers you receive here are going to be mostly biased toward men getting the short end of the stick. I do think, however, that financially and custody wise, women typically win more in court. I hope Johnny Depps trial helps shed light on this but, sadly, there are so many yes men that will get walked over and abused and then made out to look like the perpetrator. I don’t care to ever marry again and allow a judge to decide how much of what I worked for am I entitled to. My wife refused to w…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 06:50 PM
3

Sad :(
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 05:47 PM
3

Thanks. Figured as much
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 02:14 PM
3

I’m about 99% sure. I guess I am naively hoping she won’t go that road. I’m not sure if I should take that chance or not. If I try a tro and fail I can say with 100% certainty that she will go there
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 07:19 PM
1

What kind of support
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 04:38 PM
1

Actually a friend of mine went thru something similar and his marriage was only 5 years. She did nothing, left him, claimed she needed to up her education and he was forced to pay for 5 years plus 4 for school. He was making 200k per year and she bankrupted him in alimony and lawyer fees for near 10 years. His retirements gone, his mental health gone. And she finished her degree and never worked in it. His rod of her but lost his retirement in so many years of his life as well. Protect yourself …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 03:18 PM
6

Good for you to keep calm and execute successful. Mine doesn’t have any brushes with the law altho I wish she did. Staying outside of the home has me fearful she’ll destroy stuff that has value to me. I guess I should start moving the stuff out now
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 02:13 PM
1

Hey man. I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s like you are speaking for me as well. My wife has pulled the same thing and I remained this long only because I will face the same consequence. My wife constantly complained about child care and how the kids were suffering and she needed to be a sahm. I reluctantly agreed for a defined period of time that she be one and from day one she hated it and took it out on me but yet refused to return to work. I am at fault as well tho because I enabled that behav…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 05:14 AM
2

Even with the imputing part, I can request it but I cannot control that outcome either.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 10:45 PM
1

Sigh. You are right I know, it’s just frustrating. Imputing and finding peace about the whole situation is all I can control. Not making the same choices again that put me here is also something I can control.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 10:45 PM
13

I am at the end of disastrous first (and only ever) marriage. Not everyone is the same but I would not ever marry again. I would never ever financially expose myself to anyone else, ever again. My wife will come close to financially bankrupting me but worse than that, she has promised to turn the kids good memories of me into ash. If someone ever wanted to live together again, it would happen only after legal documents were signed unless they make far more than I and have for quite some time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 04:19 PM
1

Mine does have a degree in something but who knows if that even matters. If she worked in it she’d actually do quite well
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 02:12 PM
2

That sucks. It feels like I’m being buried alive and I’m the only one who notices. It’s amazing people move on to next relationships at all or at least without future prenups in this situation
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 02:10 PM
1

Sorry to hear. It’s gross people choose to be so lazy on the backs of others. She’s also exploiting taxpayers as well.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 02:40 AM
1

Is taking her back to negotiate really an option? And is it only once per year or something along those lines?
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 02:39 AM
1

That’s awful she wasn’t imputed to 80k. The system is not fair. I would be responsible for child and spousal if I made same choice. Glad some was clawed back but it should have been whole 80
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 01:09 AM
1

I heard courts are smart about that. They look at previous years of employment. Perhaps I could take something much lower paying but as soon as I’d do that she’d catch on and file for divorce. I plan on working out a strategy with my lawyer but it’s cheaper to get ideas on Reddit to start
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 07:20 PM
1

Wow. Great to hear that exists. putting the onus on individuals to take care of themselves is something I fully support. Spouses shouldn’t be responsible if their partner chooses to be lazy with no reasonable excuse why they don’t contribute to the marriage. On top of it all, for many years I was the primary parent as well while she was sahm because she “couldn’t handle children”. I blame myself for enabling that
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 06:52 PM
1

How long does she have to be working for me to get her locked in at that salary?
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 06:17 PM
1

I’m ok with that, hopefully. She has a high sought after degree in the area we live and could gainfully become employed quite easily for 2-3x minimum wage without much effort. She simply chooses not to.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 04:01 PM
1

Mine has a highly sought after degree in the area we live. Perfect for the area but still refuses to work
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 03:30 PM
1

My situation sounds almost identical to you. I not only want the money tho, I actually want her to work. I want the gravy train life to stop for her. I’m willing to do whatever I legally can to make sure she has to go out there and get an actual job, making at least minimum wage.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 03:29 PM
1

Our deal was sahm for 5 years. We’re now more than double that
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 03:26 PM
3

Listen to this advice
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 02:47 PM
2

Laws need to be changed for exactly this. I have a lazy useless wife who is entitled (I enabled her) and now she will pursue everything in court.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 02:46 PM
1

Never ever get married. Especially when being forced. Forcing you is a form of control and your entire relationship will be her trying to control you. Sorry, speaking from experience. If you really absolutely want to get married (bad idea) get a prenup, as iron clad as you can make it. Or find someone who is independently wealthy already. My stbx pressured me into marriage and so many other things I wasn’t ready for and now we are nearing separation and she has promised to dismantle me in court
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 02:38 PM
1

Thanks. I’m going to look that up. I think it will help
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 12:41 PM
1

Awful life choice. I’ll be the first to admit that. There was only one person but still no excuse and I own that. It is a marital home and yes there are places I can go. If she gets physical the camera will come on. I would never ever touch her and if she hits me the law will get her
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 12:41 AM
1

I had a realization today that I almost forgot. When we were early in our relationship she would often verbally abuse her mom. I couldn’t make sense of how extreme she would go over petty matters. Nowadays she has redirected it my way and her mom is her safe place. Convenient. Her mom takes it tho as do I. We both enabled her by not having strong boundaries
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 10:11 PM
1

The gray rock sounds like what I need to do. I knind of do something similar. I need to turn off the concern I have over her hatred of me. Not sure why I care, I think it’s just fear of the unknown
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 09:34 PM
1

She is very manipulative. She sprinkles in truth in a pack of lies and justifies her comments by pointing out the truth portions. My family supports me and friends and even people who lived with us over the years.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 09:32 PM
2

Yes once we no longer share the same space I will never again interact with her if a camera, audio device or paper trail is not involved
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 09:29 PM
1

I hope I get to your mental space someday. I currently let fear dictate my choices when I know better logically.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 09:28 PM
2

Yes. I did it. She knows about it and has for many years
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 08:41 PM
7

I think on some level I’ve been trying to do this. I do engage with her but only to try and diffuse the bomb and accept responsibility for her feeling wronged. Sometimes I just blindly accept her parameters of the truth to avoid the toxic explosion that would come with not accepting. A bit twisted, I know, but it’s a keep the peace situation. Fighting with her and standing my ground only incites a level of anger that would scare someone senseless so I don’t go there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 02:49 PM
1

How did she? Be good to know what us abused folk should expect. Did the world cut you off?
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 04:21 PM
2

Sorry to hear. Like others have said, expect the worst but you cannot control her actions, only your response. My belief is to get a good lawyer, one that is willing to sue if necessary and take the high road. Don’t get into shit slinging. I am in a similar situation where I fear the loss of my kids, social backlash, false accusations, financial ruin and general character destruction. I’ve feared it so much I’ve wasted years off my life being too fearful to leave. It gets worse over time, much w…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 04:08 PM
1

Thanks. She will likely file a tro because from what I’m hearing they give them out like candy on Halloween. My family/criminal lawyer actually advised I file a tro. I don’t want to play dirty tho. I’ll try to stay but she is so hateful toward me I can’t imagine this working.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 06:30 AM
1

Ordering one. Got some things to help my case on phone but need a lot more
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 07:46 PM
-1

I do not know you. I am a guy. So please stop trolling. I am sorry you are going thru what you are going thru but I am not your stbxw
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 07:44 PM
1

I feared that might be the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 03:30 PM
2

Sorry you are going thru this. That’s gross. Good for you to bettering yourself already. And yes, nothing less than 50/50. My wife will try to pull a 60/40 thing and I’ll go broke in legal fees before I’d do that. My kids are a bit older and have choice but I have faith they want to be with me 50%
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 03:59 AM
1

I’ve met 3 attorneys. Two are from same reputable firm and the third does criminal and family and “loves the messy stuff” but runs his own law office. Trying to decide
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 12:30 AM
3

Unbelievable. I would rather fight it in criminal court then pave the way to everything she wants for her lies. This is so sad and gross and makes me not trust anyone ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 08:57 PM
1

I don’t think I can logically afford it anyway. She doesn’t work so even without spousal alimony I am getting murdered on child payments. Perhaps the selling of the house is the best bet. I don’t want her coming back for money in the future if she bankrupts on the house. Besides, If she gets a full time job the spousal payment would go down and there is no reason why she cannot work. If I give her the equity in the house and she gets a full time job that pays reasonably well then spousal drops s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 07:01 PM
1

Sad. I just want to move on and start bettering myself and be single for a while. No matter all the shitty things that happened in my marriage, I have no interest in continuing the negative emotions I have for life right now. Does she not realize it won’t make her happy at the end of the day?
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 06:56 PM
1

Interesting. So this is a thing? This actually happens in a number of cases. And do they win?
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 06:54 PM
2

Thanks. Hearing the other side helps a lot. I think my motivation for keeping the house is wrong. I fear they’ll prefer the house they know and they are old enough to make the choice where to live. I have a big house so kids wouldn’t lose their bedroom. I have two spare ones
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 04:53 PM
2

Thank you. I feel pulled in that direction too. I can always sell the house when the kids move out to pay down debt. I’m willing to find a way to make it work for exactly what you are saying.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 04:08 PM
2

Truly it is. I could choose to keep it as well. My goal is 50/50 no less. I can accept that I don’t have the house but I also worry that if I don’t have the kids in that house then they may not desire the other 50% of their time in my new and different house.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 02:44 PM
1

I am just about to start this process and I’m very sick over it. I’m happy to hear you can go through that and still come out happy. I worry the most about my kids mental health but it sounds like you guys are getting stronger by the day. Thanks for giving hope
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 02:23 PM
1

Do you have knowledge of any small mics I can plant in my house to record interactions. She’s always careful to inspect my phone when in a conversation to make sure I’m not recording her. This has to be pretty covert while we still are living together.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 02:49 PM
1

Yes I do. All older than 10
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 05:55 AM
4

This world is a sad state. I lived my whole life and never assaulted anyone. I never even spanked my kids. I dont even criticize her or point out her flaws as she freely does to me. I simply take it which is a problem in itself. But yet she has the power to cry wolf and permanently alter my existence and my ability to have a normal healthy relationship with my kids. This is really fucked up. Why is the world ok with that
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 05:50 PM
1

I could play it like that. I do need a lawyer to protect myself. I do not care to drag this out. I’m ok with equality and both move on with our lives
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 04:42 PM
1

I’m not erasing any. Not sure what you mean
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 04:39 PM
3

I hope I have an excellent lawyer. I have a lawyer that deals with both divorce and criminal because I’m being paranoid. Should I just get one that is completely focused on family court and one completely focused on criminal if she goes down that road. I will never marry again
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 04:37 PM
1

Ugh. This sounds like a potentially painful starting point but perhaps a necessary one. It might be what I need to do
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 04:31 PM
2

I would love to do exactly that. Move on and both find our happy. But I think that’s a unicorn at this point
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 04:30 PM
1

Yes we do. I was hoping that would be enough for her to divorce without false allegations but perhaps that is the reason she would want to lob allegations
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 04:29 PM
2

Yes. They are. Not adults yet tho. This stuff makes me want to give up on life. Work my ass off and the reward is I need to continue to work my ass off to reward someone else for refusing to work.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 10:36 PM
1

Thanks. Working on the lawyer. Have had some free consults already but nothing in person yet because of covid issues. There is no reason she can’t work. Yes, I’ve dragged this on long enough. Got some back channel stuff happening now. I just want out and she will be so ruthless it’s awful.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/22 05:34 AM
0

Omg serious? Is this how divorces go or is it just because of the affair? That would be savage. The impact on my kids would be ruthless. No wonder so many men take their life after a divorce. I’m not so sure my employer would support me. As long as I continue to do my job I won’t get fired but if the noise gets loud enough they’ll find a reason to demote me. And I have 0 contact with the affair partner. Not seeing nor interested in anyone else other than my wife. I just want to take the higher r…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 03:15 PM
1

Thank you. Lots of helpful suggestions here. I’m not being naive when I say - I truly don’t think she’s seeing anyone else. I don’t think she will for a long long time. The affair has wrecked her ability to trust and she wants to preserve her moral character. There is nothing I can do to hide who I am. If she is going to blurt it out then there is nothing I can do to stop her. If it’s false I’ll react but if it’s true then I can’t do anything. Where we’ll have problems is she has opinions mixed …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 02:43 PM
1

Where I live it is no fault…no extra considerations given to the other party for a divorce apart from allowing a quick divorce with no separation time needed
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 02:26 PM
1

Thanks. I know that letting her go makes the most sense but we built a pretty awesome family and life together. The kids are loved immensely by both of us and we would both go to whatever means necessary to let them know we are there for them and care deeply. Breaking that safety for them scares me the most because it will mean a life where they lose trust in people. If it was just my wife we would have divorced by now I’m sure. She cannot stand me most days and remains only because she hasn’t b…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 04:32 PM
2

Thanks. Yes I admitted to it. I guess I’m still no fault then. I have not broken any laws. I have never physically abused anyone, ever. I don’t use drugs, rarely drink, not even porn anymore and haven’t for years.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 03:27 PM
2

I did have an affair and I admitted to it. So it’s at fault. Affair was almost 10 years ago. She has never forgiven me for it. But no to any crime altho affair almost should be. She has narcissistic and emotional abuse (lying) on her list. I regret my choice deeply but I cannot take it back and have never had another one. So thanks for helping put my mind at ease a little bit I am thinking worst case scenario here. For me that is a life where my kids are not part of it. They love me unconditiona…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 03:10 PM
1

She’s making lots of claims and has built a huge case against me already. I was so desperate to save us I would agree I could have done a better job with a or b or c and I didn’t realize she was recording me at the time. I was saying things under duress trying to validate her but I didn’t realize I was burying myself. I’m already doomed there. I just want equality in a divorce. I have been a great supportive dad and she will make me out to be a total failure
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 02:06 PM
1

She’s making lots of claims and has built a huge case against me already. I was so desperate to save us I would agree I could have done a better job with a or b or c and I didn’t realize she was recording me at the time. I was saying things under duress trying to validate her but I didn’t realize I was burying myself. I’m already doomed there. I just want equality in a divorce. I have been a great supportive dad and she will make me out to be a total failure
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 02:06 PM
7

She’s making lots of claims and has built a huge case against me already. I was so desperate to save us I would agree I could have done a better job with a or b or c and I didn’t realize she was recording me at the time. I was saying things under duress trying to validate her but I didn’t realize I was burying myself. I’m already doomed there. I just want equality in a divorce. I have been a great supportive dad and she will make me out to be a total failure
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 02:06 PM
1

I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m not sure how I can go on without them in my life. Why do they hate your stbxw? Have you told your family and friends. I’m terrified of the intense loneliness and affair and divorce brings.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/21 01:41 PM
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