Dealing with a vindictive ex

jimsmythee · 2023-09-11T14:29:57+00:00

Been there done that.

She was blameless in all of her faults. I was to blame for everything. Everything.

All I can say is wait it out?

I_Touched_Grass · 2023-09-11T14:34:41+00:00

I take great pleasure in ignoring the living shit out of her in regards to everything except pick up/drop off communications regarding the kids.

Acrobatic_Access_905 · 2023-09-11T16:02:49+00:00

Women hate accountability. They are never taught to criticize themselves because they live in a world where criticism is violence. You will never convince her that she is doing anything wrong.

cstick · 2023-09-11T15:17:50+00:00

I did not handle it well, so I will give you some wisdom. It sounds like you described my ex closely.

Take everything you can, including the kids. Give her as little as you can. Because once that is judge approved you will have no other choice. I would have rather given to good behavior than given to bad behavior because I legally had to.

The courts do not care and attorneys are great but ultimately they need your money, in my case.

Make sure custody or visitation are clear. Financials probably will be clear. I paid alimony for a couple of years based on an attorney's recommendation that it would make her happy and that did nothing to help at all. I gave her more than 1/2 of our assets, left her no debt, and she is still screwing me as hard as she can at every opportunity she has.

I am happier now, freedom is changing, just take your time expanding after, and defend yourself against her.

Ok_Transition_4914 · 2023-09-11T15:46:44+00:00

I'm doing a serious exercise in swallowing my pride, documenting (and pulling evidence wherever it exists) to show just how pathetic of a beaten little dog of a man I was for all those years. I have no idea if I'll be believed in court.

techrmd3 · 2023-09-11T16:20:29+00:00

I have same situation.

I took her to court for some reason my ex really hates having to admit stuff under oath.

only lever I have really nothing else works. No one believes she’s how she is… no one gets close enough to see she’s crazy.

ControlTraditional48 · 2023-09-11T16:57:00+00:00

My bf’s ex is the same. Just keep your comms to the kids and let the rest go. People like that expose their own toxic traits. Be the best dad you can be!

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2023-09-11T20:09:18+00:00

Ignore it. She truly believes it. You’re both vulnerable to making the same mistakes again. Work on making sure that doesn’t happen to you.

streetsmartwallaby · 2023-09-11T22:41:39+00:00

Trust me - anyone that knows her knows the truth. I had a similar situation and no one was fooled (for long) by my ex.

Live your best life; it truly is the best revenge.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-09-11T23:40:24+00:00

Let her have her narrative. It’s not like she’s going to change and attacking her and it will only validate it. Move on.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-09-11T15:32:37+00:00

Karma. Plus, most people aren't that stupid. Most people can see what's happening. But, mostly karma. When people like that fall, they usually fall hard.

The same woman wants her ex to continue to make the high income ...
also let the world know that the ex is also a scary monster to look out for

Yes, spot-on. The flaws in her "reality" were so brazenly obvious in court that it became comical. According to her, I'm a violent, untrustworthy, unstable, mentally ill arsonist -- who can earn $200k a year in a job that requires trust, stability, maturity and an extensive background check.

EDIT: a few weeks ago, I made a post that said during a divorce where support payments are to be ordered, the man's ex-wife should write a letter of recommendation to future employers. But, that letter will also be used to establish his character in the divorce. So, am I an unemployable monster or not?

ciscopimp2 · 2023-09-11T17:06:55+00:00

Sounds like a narcissist to me. The following YouTube series may help...

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3QtnfcMTMhFSuEpxtGSHk--9GLEYCan0&si=izicI-hlbg35edZa

throwaway05092023 · 2023-09-11T20:15:34+00:00

So glad to read these comments. You could copy and paste my situation. I just need to finally find the strength to permanently stop giving a fuck and not fall into the “what if we could work it out” trap that always sets me up to be manipulated by her.

captainchippsixx · 2023-09-11T16:07:04+00:00

That’s why I tell guys file first and put daylight on it with both families. Guys stay silent. Keep their business to themselves. Women will broadcast and repeat the lie narrative so they can sleep at night and have a story for the new guy. And of course collect $&$.

If every one knew the truth, no one would associate with them. But now your coming to the party late. If you still have to texts you could substantiate it.

whereami113 · 2023-09-12T01:40:25+00:00

currently sitting in a courthouse waiting room because of this exact issue..lol

I have no history of violence or drug and alcohol abuse. However the ex sure has

She stopped me accessing money that was mine, and i made a stupid mistake in the phone with the bank, letting my agitated state get the better of me.and saying the wrong thing The bank called the police .. Next thing u know , i have a family violence restraint order on me , after having no contact with my ex in about 7 years..

The system is not for men , it is all for women. Briffaults law , where men are always seen as the aggressor. I will never cohabitate or be in a relationship with a woman again in this country (Aus)

sak144 · 2023-09-11T15:23:09+00:00

Serenity Prayer, even if you are not a religious person. Know what you can and can't control and you CAN'T control other people.

Once you truly begin to live your life in that way, when people try to undermine you it just rolls off your back like water off of a duck. Don't ever let other people take up space inside your head rent-free.

Common theme everywhere is that women are 100% incapable of recognizing their own faults or shortcomings and always need an enemy to blame for their difficulties in life. it's just how we're built. They are emotional, men are logical. That's the grand irony of relationships.

BreakGrouchy · 2023-09-11T17:20:45+00:00

Keep calling her BS out . I saved evidence of her actions and lies .

Reflog1791 · 2023-09-11T17:40:42+00:00

Your solution is to let it go. Get out of her orbit and prove with your own attitudes and behaviors that you have risen above the fracas. Don’t do it out of some altruistic sacrifice. Do it because it is best for you.

Divorce calls for new attitudes and worldviews. Do what is best for you.

WartimeDad · 2023-09-11T20:13:10+00:00

Not much you can do. You give her enough rope to metaphorically hang herself.

LobstersMateForLife · 2023-09-11T21:25:18+00:00

My ex is that way, even went as far as to Facebook stalk and then message a girl I was talking to. She talked a bunch of shit to the girl who then came to me, I told her the truth and she told me my ex is crazy and needs to get over herself.

She’s so quick to say how terribly I treated her and how she’s this poor victim but has never admitted to all of the times she laid hands on me(I have photos of the aftermath of each instance), denies that she ever lied to me about anything, never put in any work after the first year of our relationship, checked out and refused to go to therapy with me to work on our issues…I could go on and on.

You have to just ignore her. There’s nothing else that can be done with someone who can’t even admit to themselves that they were wrong. It fucking sucks, especially when you’re still in love with them, but it’s the only way to get past them.

MR_Butt-Licker · 2023-09-11T22:24:33+00:00

Sounds like my ex wife. She spread rumors and destroyed my reputation with lies, and continues to do so. Anyone who gets involved with me now gets badgered by her friends about how I left her “high and dry” when court docs state the opposite

dadplup · 2023-09-11T23:18:51+00:00

Are you talking about my ex? She did exactly that to the letter,

Change the things that you can change, accept the things that you can't and try to be wise enough to know the difference.

I wanted so much to tell people the truth about who she is but I realized I would only end up being the exact thing she claimed I was, I even created videos on the clock platform about it, I did it for myself I needed to vent what I was feeling, however her brother ran in to my videos and she saw them, she never said anything and just blocked me, she had also made sure to tell her friends to stay away from me and my online activities, because they make her look bad, I didn't lie on any of them, or embellished that's what bothers her,

The limit of my involvement was only where the kids were involved, I had to let go of my anger and my frustration, with her gone it was easier to do, I totally feel your pain as I've been accused of everything you said and even more, another reason she stays away is because I have every text she's sent since we split up every threat, every demand along with my responses that were emotionless and polite, every police report she filed and disposition, letters from cps, and the divorce and custody judgement and the child support statement ,all available at a moments notice, she is afraid I would show them to people cause they would realize that she's not the victim.

I still get mad knowing that she's telling people I'm evil and a monster, but I know I have no control over it and just writing here sharing my experiences and hoping it will help someone keeps me sane,I also realized that her goal is to see me in pain to know that she's hurt me and I will not let her see me bleed, she will never see me cry, never again, she wins if she knows that i was destroyed by our divorce, she already moved on and is on her second or third boyfriend since she left 2 years ago, something I told her she would do and that ik bothers her that she would be with someone that quick,

Her life was in a tough place a few months ago, the 3 kids want nothing to do with her, her family kicked her out and was homeless for a bit, she's not working she's moved in with her new boyfriend and his mom, for the record we are both 48 ,I don't find joy in it if I'm being honest I actually feel sorry for her and if she were more approachable I would help her but that's just inviting disaster back in my life.

Sorry for the rant but it's something that we all have to deal with every day, whatever they do is no longer your concern, whatever happens is on them not on you, the only one getting worked up over it is you as they won't care and week only want to see you hurt. I hope this helps, don't give her that satisfaction

314FinitePi · 2023-09-12T00:38:24+00:00

Do we have the same ex-wife? This sounds way too familiar to be a coincidence.

berzerker5000 · 2023-09-12T13:36:51+00:00

Omg you are talking about my stbx do you know her?! 😂

There is no point to tell her off. It may hurt her or make her angry. But it won’t make her realize anything about herself or bring her back. Act professional. Greyrock. The truth is revealed in the end, and she will reap what she sows.

l3tsR0LL · 2023-09-14T04:05:05+00:00

People will gradually realize she is stretching the truth to her benefit. Friends will figure it out

I've seen it so many times.

Title	Dealing with a vindictive ex
Author	softinvest
Upvotes	34
Comments	47
Date	September 11, 2023 2:25 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16fwnl9/dealing_with_a_vindictive_ex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dealing-with-a-vindictive-ex.1231439 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231439

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