Is it just me?

IAmBigBo · 2024-12-04T08:50:32+00:00

Isn’t that what they all do?

PlanktonDiligent7668 · 2024-12-04T05:05:37+00:00

Okay, I’m a woman and my former spouse simply couldn’t/didn’t drive. While we accept the men that we love when we marry them, sometimes we overlook the small things that can eventually damage our relationship. In my case it was my spouse’s reluctance to learn to drive that made me feel that I was contributing too much to household labor that I believe we should have shared. I paid 50% of everything in our household but there was no equality in our domestic life. my spouse didn’t know how to wash a dish, far less learn to load the dishwasher. He couldn’t boil water to make a cup of tea. I accepted him because he had other wonderful things to offer: real compassion, supportiveness: we were a team.

But sadly the household stuff needs to be cleaned, dishes need to be washed (I liked washing dishes, by the way). I didn’t want to nag him to change anything because I thought I could deal with the 100% work load that I had in our domestic life: running errands in my car, taking him to his doctor’s appointments, etc. What happened is at some point I was hospitalized and needed support. And at a time that I was most vulnerable, I realized my spouse couldn’t be “there for me” in any way. He couldn’t drop me off to my early morning docto’s appointments during Covid when there was no taxis, or Ubers or Lyfts because he didn’t drive. He couldn’t make me a cup of ramen noodles so that I wouldn’t starve to death because he never learned to turn on a stove and didn’t know how to.

At that point of extreme vulnerability, I realized that I had a lopsided relationship. We had no children thankfully, but while I could be there for him in an emergency…he just didn’t have the simple skills most men had to help me in a time of crisis. This was the beginning of the end for us. So I’m sad that your wife is stressed…many women get stressed these days because we’re holding down full time jobs and we’re not getting equity in the home. Look how many men in this post talk about “helping their wives:” wives don’t need to be helped, they need a full time partner at all times. Don‘t be like me and my ex…sit down with your wife and discuss the reasons for her stress…ask her what would help her relieve her stress. This should be a productive conversation, women nag because they are not socializing to ask for the things they need in life. Good luck, my good man. If your wife is worth keeping you can get over this with good communication and your willingness to change to make her happier.

DoughnutObjective806 · 2024-12-04T03:29:35+00:00

I don't think they actually believe this about their husbands. Let me explain. Some women act in bad faith in marriages to an extent that would shock most men. They play the long game and they play it masterfully.

Women will stay with a guy for years knowing the entire time they're going to divorce. The worst one I know of personally Is 13 years( it was to get a military pension).

I think women like this start early and build a long, long case to to "prove" that the marriage "just wasnt fixable". They know on some level what they're doing is insanely hurtful, and will ruin the lives of their husbands (and kids the vast majority of instances too), possibly forever. I think this is how they justify it.

CorporateNonperson · 2024-12-04T02:48:00+00:00

Pretty sure my wife is having a midlife crisis and is depressed. The reasons she gave for leaving were I: was too fat, didn't unload/reload the dishwasher enough and put my feet on her when we were on the couch.

Did the counseling thing, and she'd show up to the appointments and little else. She asked for the divorce. I got a puppy. My attorney was working on the petition today.

It's gonna be ugly, because we have stuff to fight about. But the dog doesn't mind when I put my feet next to him.

iamdyinginsideyeah · 2024-12-04T01:42:03+00:00

My ex told me I couldn’t hang up a shelf correctly. And said that was a metaphor for who I am as a person. Any minor critique of her would just lead to me being reminded of my incompetence.

piratehat · 2024-12-04T01:33:39+00:00

Yes, my wife is this way. Also, she will complain about how little I am doing to help, regardless of how much I am actually helping.

thelostfather_922 · 2024-12-04T00:35:02+00:00

Yup same here…. And rather then standing my ground or saying something I gave in a paid for laundry service, bought a $1200 vacuum that mops and vacuums and everything else she wanted meanwhile she was a stay home mom didn’t work

Slowloris81 · 2024-12-03T23:05:00+00:00

Yes. Same. Couldn’t handle stress and I was the outlet. The abuse got turbocharged during Covid.

Content-Class1259 · 2024-12-03T22:40:41+00:00

Yet go to work and be as nice as pie to coworkers

ORTENRN · 2024-12-03T22:34:08+00:00

It's called "hen pecked" and yes it's ridiculous. I am guilty of loading the dishwasher incorrectly. Apparently its a capital crime.

Beersguard · 2024-12-03T22:27:47+00:00

Yep. Mine would always take her bad day or mood out on me. If I made any minor mistake or oversight, I knew it was coming. Brutal. We deserve better. Part of my screening process moving forward for sure now.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2024-12-03T22:21:56+00:00

Boundaries my friend. Set and maintain boundaries with the next one. Even a dog will act up if you allow it.

Title	Is it just me?
Author	softinvest
Upvotes	25
Comments	25
Date	December 3, 2024 10:13 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1h5zt7b/is_it_just_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-it-just-me.1537463 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537463

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