I not coping

North-Permit-1021 · 2026-02-06T02:48:45+00:00

Glad to see the community helped you brother!

condortheboss · 2026-02-05T19:18:18+00:00

It will remain hard to cope with hearing that your child doesn't want to come to your home. Assume your ex is lying, as they have no incentive to tell the truth.

In my case, my kids usually cry and fight every time I arrive to pick them up because their mother does nothing to prepare them to leave prior to my arrival. She instead allows them to watch both their personal tablets and TV, while not even dressed to leave (both my kids are under 7) and makes no effort to remind them that they are going to my home that day.

After the trip to my home, and spending about an hour in my care, they remember how nice it is to spend time with me and to be free to act like the children they are again.

MonarchistExtreme · 2026-02-05T18:32:47+00:00

Don't believe your ex about what your kid wants. At least go over there and take her to your place and ask then. If she doesn't want to you can try your ex's idea.

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-02-05T18:11:19+00:00

Call and talk to your daughter. Don’t trust what the ex says. Get her excited about it and make it special. Maybe take her out to pick out things for her room.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2026-02-05T16:25:01+00:00

From a legal end of things: Child support and custody is based on overnights.

You need those overnights to establish the status quo.

183/182 is 50/50

You're going to get some big emotions, as will your kid, but you MUST power though - the longer you wait the harder it will be.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2026-02-05T15:01:27+00:00

Why completely trust/believe what your Ex says? Mine regularly lies about what my kids think and/or say. I follow up with them and subtly ask them and they will be completely surprised and tell me that they didn’t say X or don’t feel that way (that Mom said). And many times it is about minor stuff that they wouldn’t worry about telling me themselves.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-05T14:27:00+00:00

Where are you in the divorce process? Is it finalized? Do you have a court-recognized parenting agreement in place?

RiseNo3399 · 2026-02-05T09:18:31+00:00

Be kind but enforce it. She’ll be happy once she’s there

Potential_Bowler_532 · 2026-02-05T09:06:59+00:00

Let me give you a different perspective on this.

Your daughter was excited yesterday but now she's not. I don't think you can conclude that your ex is manipulating the situation or your daughter is dictating dad time. She's a kid whose brain has spent the last 24 hours processing the reality that tonight she'll sleep somewhere that isn't home for the first time since her entire world changed. Her anxiety spiked, which is completely normal child psychology, not a power play that requires you to take charge.

You can't go back to the family home because it reminds you of what you had; this is your grief talking, and it's completely valid. Your daughter is experiencing exactly the same grief, except she doesn't have the cognitive tools to process it.

You're both mourning the same loss. The difference is you have the ability to make strategic decisions that help her through it. She doesn't have that capacity yet.

Being a good separated dad at this early stage is about reading your kid's emotional state accurately and responding to it, even when it conflicts with your own needs or pride. Help your daughter learn that her new life includes a dad who sees her distress and helps her through it.

Tonight isn't the test. The pattern you set over the next few months is the test. Maybe do shorter visits first if you haven't already. Make your place familiar and boring. Let her explore and don't Disney Dad it. Just be Dad in a new location. Set a pattern of gradual transition rather than forced compliance. I know it's hard and if tonight doesn't happen it will feel like a crushing loss but the long game (the only one that matters) is building a relationship where your daughter feels safe with you in any location.

All of this is only a minor setback which you can manage and overcome.

joginadler · 2026-02-05T08:53:51+00:00

Excellent advice Sir 👍🏼

serkovavantgarden · 2026-02-05T08:41:01+00:00

Man up and take charge here

You’re letting her dictate dad time

Go and tell the kid you’re taking her for ice cream or something then take it from there.

They’re kids mate. They can’t even choose which clothes to wear yet so don’t be letting them dictate whats happening from this moment on

Title	I not coping
Author	BootsKennedy
Upvotes	25
Comments	16
Date	February 5, 2026 8:28 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qwfu70/i_not_coping/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-not-coping.1572763 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572763

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