What helped you guys recover?

Tvelt17 · 2026-02-08T13:47:57+00:00

Therapy. Friends. Adult sports leagues. Pro Wrestling and eventually dating.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-02-08T03:22:19+00:00

Therapy did not help me that much as my therapist was more concerned that I was suicidal in the beginning.
For me what helped the most was to reflect and work out what was the reasons my 26 year marriage collapsed so that I don't make the same mistakes in relationships again.
During my research I found books the best.
I recommend 'Attached' to learn about your attachment style and the absolute best book so far for me as I struggled with dealing with conflict (no violence, just me and my big mouth speaking my mind) in my marriage was:
'The seven principles for making marriage work' by John Gottman
The lights came on for me to see how I never did a soft startup, never let her influence me while in most fights, one or more of the 4 horsemen of the divorce apocalypse was present. Also I was not aware of repair attempts during fights.
Most of all it made me realize that negative sentiment overrode our marriage in the end. We stopped being friends and didn't turn towards each other, we turned away from each other.
It also mentions why couples therapy does not really work. Gottman can predict divorce in couples with 90% accuracy. I wish I read this book 5 years back.
It helps me recover in that I was full of rage when I found out about her AP, but also made me realize that I played a big part in driving her away and it makes me less resentful, thus helps me letting go and wishing her the best.
Also once the cohabitation stopped I could sleep again and I could start to work on healing as she disrupted my nervous system so much with her cold vindictiveness.

Then-Alps8928 · 2026-02-08T00:07:41+00:00

Getting & staying in shape. Getting back into passionate hobbies A good friend & family Mental health work Finding a new woman who is nothing like your Ex both physically & mentally. A poem by Charles Bukowski- 'nobody but you' and... Reading reddit stories and talking to guys on here. Finding out I'm not alone.

probebeta · 2026-02-07T21:03:20+00:00

Gym, work actually, making money, dating. Its much easier when you have your stuff together, no way around it.

JayRock1970 · 2026-02-07T17:22:19+00:00

8 months out. Not at next level yet. But I try, work, gym, guitar, yoga, cooking. I need to get out of my shell more though.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-07T14:31:09+00:00

Working out. Focusing on hobbies. Forging new friendships. I'm eight years post-divorce and living my best life. This is the most useful info I found about reconstruction and dating post-divorce. Hope you find it helpful: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ogjhm0/wait_at_least_one_year_after_divorce_before_dating/

KneeDeepThought · 2026-02-07T14:30:38+00:00

Knowing that she wanted me to suffer and defying it. When I feel a mental spiral begin, knowing that someone else is doing it to me for spite gives me fuel to push back and do something better with my time. Every minute you're not suffering in your own mind you're winning. All those things you mentioned and more are good for this, like hobbies and reconnecting with friends and making new ones.

All of these are healthy escapes up to a point from the mental prison of torment your ex has crafted for you. Recovery / rebuilding is a long process so be patient with yourself and just get out of the mental box a little more every day.

tonyway7293 · 2026-02-07T14:22:29+00:00

Gym.

Put all that anger and hurt into transforming your body. This will also help your confidence, your energy, your mood.

CherryEuphoric3557 · 2026-02-07T14:15:59+00:00

So far the gym has been the most helpful, but learning a new skill or pursuing a hobby has also been huge.

TheConjugalVisit · 2026-02-07T14:15:41+00:00

Praying, gaming, leaning on my friendships, and lifting.

I was going to the parks to walk because we have a lot around here but in the winter with all this snow, it would be miserable.

OP, if you game what do you play?

familymanlikesfamily · 2026-02-07T13:23:40+00:00

Praying and going to the gym

Title	What helped you guys recover?
Author	Black_Eagl
Upvotes	3
Comments	13
Date	February 7, 2026 9:45 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qy9rsj/what_helped_you_guys_recover/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-helped-you-guys-recover.1572919 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572919

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