Anyone else drowning in responsibility without a chance to grieve?

Narrow_Finding3352 · 2026-02-18T01:35:34+00:00

Some people shouldn’t have ever had kids. It’s hard work raising responsible adults. Just know that whatever happens, the kids didn’t ask for any of it, so focus on them. The extra stuff will work itself out.

PostTrenchesDad · 2026-02-17T21:41:03+00:00

Yes, you are not alone.

When we first separated I was told my nights to go out were Monday and Tuesday. I did end up meeting someone, however when I found out my ex was just getting a babysitter for those nights and going out 6-7 nights per week I put all my energy into our boys. I explained to the person I met what was going on and she would come over after our boys were in bed.

It could be that she's "checked out". Do document this stuff as facts, patterns and evidence are important.

Being the stable, consistent, reliable parent isn't easy or fair. Over time you will find your groove and it does get easier thought still a lot of work.

You will get through it. Keep being yourself and doing what you think is right.

TheConjugalVisit · 2026-02-17T17:37:04+00:00

The only thing you can do, take it one day at a time. Grieve, join support groups, call people....divorce care is good and filled with women, I'll probably go back lol. Trust me they way they looked at me, they were hungry.

I'm starting to remember who I was before her but for a long time she became my identity.

She just called and every fucking time it's a shitshow. So I blocked her ass never want to hear from her again.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-17T14:54:30+00:00

Here's the reality: You have to figure out how to parent your children 100% of the time. You've already seen that mothers will ghost their children for Mr. Wonderful. Mothers can also pick up a chemical dependency, become hospitalized, incarcerated and perish. Once you figure out how to parent your kids 100% of the time, then half the time is easy.

If you can't do it all yourself, then hire some help from Care.com even if it's just to help you through the immediate future with your daughter.

rum53 · 2026-02-17T13:37:24+00:00

Tomorrow I tell my wife of 18 years that I want a divorce. I have the papers ready to serve her and a new house setup for me and my kids so I can start 50/50 custody of our three kids immediately.

Being that I’m the one initiating the divorce, I’m mentally prepared and have all my paperwork in order. I started the process last summer and have been preparing ever since, even been seeing a therapist since September.

yef99 · 2026-02-17T12:39:49+00:00

Yeah. Divorce can be hard on men who are conscientious and family oriented. The suicide rate among divorced men is higher than average and there aren't a lot of support systems so you need to find your own. Just know you're not alone, rally your friends and family to your side, and endure. Make time for yourself. Negotiate with the ex - it's not fair that she is with someone new while you're at the hospital. It will get better.

nickpete12345 · 2026-02-17T12:06:46+00:00

5 kids here including a couple with special needs. My ex is mostly around but monkey branched and is now moving him in. I can’t do anything about what happens at her house and who she leaves the kids with. What I can do is be a rock for my kids. When they come to my house it might not be as “exciting/chaotic” but they know what to expect, dads always here and there is love in the home. Be there lighthouse in the storm. Slow and steady.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2026-02-17T12:01:05+00:00

OP, you need to think hard here. Why does a young daughter need DBT intervention? Answer that honestly. It ain’t you demonstrating Cluster B behaviours, it is your stbxw. Your stbxw doesn’t need a “break”, she needs DBT herself, along with being held responsible for her actions.

serkovavantgarden · 2026-02-17T09:04:15+00:00

Bro, no offence but her ‘new lover’ ain’t as ‘new’ as you think.

Make yourself less available. Lie if you need to.

Set the standard. You’ll always see your kids but you need your own time to make things happen.

You need to harden up for this game. It’s a long one

Title	Anyone else drowning in responsibility without a chance to grieve?
Author	default-username
Upvotes	34
Comments	12
Date	February 17, 2026 8:33 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1r70o8l/anyone_else_drowning_in_responsibility_without_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-else-drowning-in-responsibility-without-a.1573667 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573667

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