I am looking for perspective specifically from men who have been through divorce and are considering or have entered a second marriage.

My boyfriend went through a chaotic divorce that involved betrayal and significant financial stress. We are approaching one year together.

During that time I have stepped up financially when he was under pressure, taken extra shifts, helped significantly with his children and household, and remained consistent through stress. I am not financially dependent on him and will likely out earn him after graduation. I am fully open to a prenup and strong legal protections.

I recently discovered that he has been thinking deeply about how to structure a future proposal and marriage in a way that maximizes power imbalance before commitment. He has explored ideas about maintaining long term dominance, structuring marriage strategically rather than sentimentally, and ensuring airtight legal protection.

He also explored the idea of a contractual structure where, if we had a child and I ever left, the child would legally remain his. That part especially gave me pause.

I understand that remarriage and more children after divorce is a massive risk for a man. I do not dismiss that. I respect wanting to protect assets and avoid repeating past mistakes.

My question is this:

From your perspective, where is the line between wise risk management after divorce and overcorrecting out of unresolved betrayal?

If a woman has demonstrated loyalty and stability under pressure, does it still make sense to intentionally engineer structural imbalance before marriage?

For those of you who have healed and remarried, what shifted internally before you felt ready to build again without guarding against your new partner as a potential future adversary?

I am not looking to attack him. I am trying to understand whether this mindset reflects healthy caution or wounds that need more processing before marriage.