Why do They Drag it Out

ImpermanentSelf · 2026-03-09T18:25:49+00:00

Mine filed last January and I am only now getting a conciliation conference, failing that I will finally be able to push to trial.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-03-09T00:25:44+00:00

The fastest way to finalize a divorce is to head to trial. Without the fear of a stranger in robes making decisions about her life, she has no motivation to settle quickly.

smartalec-71 · 2026-03-08T23:35:00+00:00

It's about leverage.

During the relationship, she would use emotional manipulation techniques to get you to do what she wanted (when she wanted, the way she wanted.) It boils down to-- I'll make you emotionally uncomfortable enough until I get my way.

When you're married... it sort of makes sense, because helping her is helping the family. And it doesn't occur to you that you're on different teams. You've committed to sacrificing for the family. She's trying to extract value. She "has" your assets, now she needs to get all your time, and minimize her effort. You were on different teams, she didn't say so, and it wasn't on your radar.

Now... you're on different teams, she's using the same tactics. Don't give in. Let your lawyer do the talking/communicating. Realize what she's up to, and it has long term consequences. One thing that helped me is only communicating through writing, and keeping copies of that stuff. She was civil in writing (she knows how evidence can work against you) but was shitty in person, and did many things to get me on the phone. (Hey-- it's her! I'm not picking that up.)

Here's some examples of what my ex-wife did:

She didn't report a (sizable) inheritance she'd received. If they're not on the balance sheet, and you don't figure it out... she doesn't have to split them.
We were supposed to produce docs with asset values on the same day... she kept putting different dates. (Which lets her hide assets.)
I made a shared spreadsheet for the balance sheet. She used it... then claimed she couldn't. (She could.) She made her own. Then unshared it. Then shared a version she'd edited. (Maybe he won't notice...) Then unshared it. (I made multiple copies, offline.)
She wouldn't agree on the value of the house. We ended up having to sell it. (I wanted to buy her out, instead of sell.)
She wouldn't give me the kid's passports, which are necessary to visit their grandparents. She hasn't made an international trip in 20 years.
She wouldn't complete the divorce (knowing this was something she could use later when negotiating who got what.) She wanted it joint... then wanted to make changes the day before. Then "forgot" to sign it, before it expired. Then, she wanted me to refile, with her changes... so I could repeat the 3 month cycle. I filed single, so she couldn't pull that shite again.
She wanted to negotiate over child support (there's a standard formula, where I live.)
She wouldn't give me the kids necessary meds, that she has the prescriptions for.
She kept changing the accounts for the kids before and after school care
I offered her a lump sum so I wouldn't have to continue paying child support. She accepted that... and then turned around, and... asked for child support. (Yeah... nah.)

mundolingua · 2026-03-08T14:01:55+00:00

For the love of the game

mesi130 · 2026-03-08T05:53:43+00:00

Drama, control and to make your life a living hell

4wesomeForce · 2026-03-08T02:03:55+00:00

Don't take it personal, just let her use the courts and be patient. File the paperwork, show up, and wait.

Good luck through this process. And God help you don't let her rattle you.

fruittidemare · 2026-03-08T01:39:45+00:00

Part of it is the courts too for whatever that’s worth

KingJon85 · 2026-03-08T01:22:59+00:00

They love the control.

Slowloris81 · 2026-03-08T01:09:43+00:00

For the thrill of the fight and to try to cause pain through the court system.

Title	Why do They Drag it Out
Author	tonyway7293
Upvotes	14
Comments	9
Date	March 8, 2026 1:06 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rnr07z/why_do_they_drag_it_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-do-they-drag-it-out.1574958 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574958

Comments