Ever Get the Feeling You Were Used?

BumpMeUp2 · 2026-06-23T19:12:44+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfxOeEv1MCU

you will get through this

iSkeetOnFeet · 2026-06-03T16:54:03+00:00

She's stayed home since marriage. I finance a few girls trips a year plus concerts and outings in between for her and her friends, then I'm still expected to pay for date nights, multiple family vacations per year, brand new car, big house, her credit cards.

Plus we eat out almost daily because she's too overwhelmed and exhausted to cook. I had to work from home because it was too much for her to take the kids to school and pick them up everyday. Now I do the school runs everyday while I'm supposed to be working.

Don't even get me started on the never ending cheating accusations. I work from home, don't see my friends because she doesn't approve of them, don't watch sports in my own house because she didn't like it, I'm around her 24/7 and still get accused of cheating. I realized she's just afraid of losing her gravy train.

DedInside_6 · 2026-06-02T19:14:31+00:00

1000%

Techdude_Advanced · 2026-06-02T12:18:13+00:00

You feel used and disposed, but when you start to move on and work on you. Life becomes awesome. You become the captain in your life again. Make the second chance count and never sign a contract again no matter how good she is or makes you feel. Sadly most men remarry and end up paying again before they learn.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-06-02T11:20:04+00:00

Absolutely. My wife planned her exit for over 12 years. Waited until I retired from the military and then until we hit the 20 year marriage mark. One month after our 20th she blows it up with an affair and now I pay her for life. Very sad but that's how they roll.

Puzzleheaded_Monk_39 · 2026-06-01T13:33:35+00:00

Yea she got to quit her job to take care of kid and just spent all day on her phone buying stuff and going on day trips while I slaved away. Expected two international trips a year and when covid hit I was so happy she couldn’t travel. Did the math and divorce is cheaper in the long run.

ColdEstablishment172 · 2026-06-01T06:20:35+00:00

Hmm i'm kinda on the fence about this. Because the truth is, no one could use you without your permission. Did she sometimes take advantage of your kindness? Maybe but here's what most guys don't understand. A woman can only take you for a ride if you allow them to. Period. I'll DM you.

balanced-asymmetry · 2026-05-31T17:05:44+00:00

I knew she used me because she told me I used her.

Dakeddit · 2026-05-31T16:41:44+00:00

Absolutely. She left me when our child was only 3 months old. There were multiple signs leading up and oddly cryptic things said before she left. And just the complete change of personality from being my best friend to an almost bitter enemy was too overnight for it to be coincidence.

exlongh0rn · 2026-05-31T06:43:22+00:00

My wife just walked out today. We were planning to spend our 20 year anniversary in just two months traveling around northern Italy, the place she’s always wanted to visit. I spent the last two weeks working my butt off researching buying her a new heavily modified $77,000 Bronco because again that was her lifelong dream vehicle (well technically it’s a Jeep) and we’re in a position to afford it. I would say I was absolutely financially used. I wouldn’t say I was emotionally used. It’s funny how financial use of men is just not that unusual.

probebeta · 2026-05-31T02:43:52+00:00

You learnt an important lesson, like many of us here.

veggieburyin · 2026-05-31T01:13:15+00:00

When we were dating she told me she could not get pregnant and told me she was allergic to condoms. And she would use birth control. All of which were not true. I'm dumb I guess.

Then I basically found out that she said, during our separation, she hated me the day our baby was born. She just waited a decade to leave me.

You do the math. I was an obvious sucker. At least I have a vasectomy now lol. And am proud to be a dad to a wonderful kid. Even though it was hell to get here

Accomplished-Bet-883 · 2026-05-31T00:00:08+00:00

She hired a divorce lawyer in January while suffering from intense pain due to an undiagnosed kidney stone.
I basically dragged her to the ER, she got x-rays that confirmed the stone. In early February she had surgery to remove it. I drove her there, drove her home (Taking time off work to do so. A bigger deal than it seems due to the PIP I was on thanks to severe depression taking a toll on my performance.) I nursed her through her recovery, fetched her juices and Gatorade, made every meal according to her needs, walked her to the bathroom, etc for a month. The week after she felt 100% again, she abandoned me. Went on a "business trip" and never came home.

Relative-Cicada1553 · 2026-05-30T22:43:01+00:00

The marriage rate is at an all new low. So, it's working. Keep telling the younger generation of guys that marriage will ruin them.

New-Distribution-979 · 2026-05-30T21:10:03+00:00

Totally.

FeminismIsMyJam · 2026-05-30T19:41:58+00:00

I’m going to play devil’s advocate here…

All of those things are really nice, but what kind of partners were you and she emotionally with each other?

Are you the type of man that’s comfortable being vulnerable?

We live in a society that sends boys very toxic, dysfunctional messages about how men are “suppose” to behave that set them up to fail in long term relationships before they even start.

A lot of men grow up internalizing the belief that vulnerability is a sign of weakness when in truth vulnerability actually takes a lot of bravery and courage.

When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with someone, we find out how they honestly feel about us by analyzing how they respond in turn.

Will they return our affection or will we learn they don’t feel the same way we do?

Not having our love returned is painful, but what is more frightening is giving someone that may actually be cold and unfeeling the opportunity to cause us some serious emotional pain.

Someone that lacks the maturity and complexity needed to at least be kind and respect someone for the courage it takes to completely let their guard and take a chance on love can turn that pain into something traumatic and scarring, and sometimes those people are highly skilled at camouflaging who they really are and can slip in under our radar.

I don’t know your wife nor do I speak for my entire gender, but for me, now, 11 years post divorce looking back from the POV of a much wiser person that has learned how to face the hard things and how to be honest with myself…

I want that emotional partnership more than I want any of the things you’ve mentioned. I want it more than I want height, good looks, high paying career, high net worth, a well-toned physique, property ownership…etc.

All of those things that woman foolishly put on their checklists (I am guilty of it myself), can be sexy. They can lure us in, but they will never be enough on their own to carry a relationship long term.

Only emotional intimacy and connection can, but not only are we not teaching our boys how to do that and what healthy relationship dynamics look like, we are teaching them that being vulnerable is wrong.

We are setting them up to fail.

I am not saying you it’s all your fault or it’s all her fault, but if you think those things should have been enough to make her stay, I worry that you will repeat this same relationship dynamic, that without vulnerability and that emotional partnership, was doomed from the start…and you will have a higher probability of attracting women that only want the things and not you.

I mean, it’s rough out there going back out into the dating world.

We have been hurt, burned, and maybe even scarred.

If we unconsciously keep making the same mistakes our younger, more naive selves made the first time around, we are going to have more failed relationships, more pain, more heartbreak.

We are going to become that cliché of the bitter, cynical person that nobody wants to hangout with because all we want to do is talk about the dark side of life and how doomed and hopeless it is out there.

My apartment is next to this couple where the husband manages and does the maintenance here.

He is tall, skinny, awkward, and visibly missing quite a few teeth.

He isn’t working at a high paying job. No fancy cars. He is the kind of guy most women would walk past without even noticing him, let alone turn back and take a second glance at.

I was out on my balcony that overlooks the parking lot. He was on the far end doing something and his wife was on the opposite far end getting something out of their car, when heard a “thump” and then I immediately hear her yelling at someone (which is so not her), a woman yelling back at her, and a dog barking.

Her husband was across that parking lot in seconds. I decided to be a nosy neighbor and I leaned over the railing to see what was going on.

I watched him run up to them and immediately go to his wife’s side, facing the other woman, and start yelling at that lady to calm down without ever stopping to ask any questions or get any information about what just went down.

It turned out the thump I heard was that lady hitting her dog, and his wife just flew into a rage, just like any decent human being should, but he didn’t know that. He had no clue what was going on.

He had her back regardless of anything else, no questions asked.

That’s what I want even if it comes with a Jack-o-lantern smile and living paycheck to paycheck, and I would rather die single than settle for anything less.

…but let’s be clear…the sex has to be good too. That’s a non negotiable.

I read once if the sex in the relationship is good, it makes up 30% of the relationship.

If it’s bad, it makes up 80%.

I can confirm from my own research that statement is 100% true.

But, honestly, I probably am going to see any man who has my back like that as being VERY sexy..so I think the rest will work itself out.

KingJon85 · 2026-05-30T19:40:29+00:00

100%.

My ex basically told me that she hadn't loved me for years and she wished she would have found her new boyfriend long ago. She was really squeezing every penny out of me this last couple of years as well.

She lied to my face daily for years, saying she loves me and having sex with me. Only using me while she searches for someone else.

Be ruthless. Be selfish. Take care of yourself #1. Never, ever, ever, ever trust a woman fully. 99% of them will move on once they find something better.

I had an 18 year marriage that ended in December. Separated in December. Im recently getting out with the only intention of making friends and getting laid. I don't want or need a relationship.

I may get a girlfriend in the future. I may someday even live with a woman, but i will never trust or fully open up to a woman again.

Initial_Breath9215 · 2026-05-30T19:07:28+00:00

Yep paid for everything and her debt still tried for more told her to let her new man pay for her shit.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-05-30T17:43:21+00:00

We never vet out first wives. Thankfully this is a good learning experience so you don't make the same mistake twice.

Just remember we ask them to marry us, not the other way around. If we choose badly, it's 100% on us.

tropical_human · 2026-05-30T17:41:27+00:00

My issue is why is it that y'all only speak about stuff like this when they leave? Men are the very ones bullying other men for putting themselves first. Yall are okay with subsidizing women's cost of living, sacrificing for them, and talk about it as being a good man. The only time any of you have a problem with it is when she leaves. Recently, Dave Ramsey was talking trash about a man who refused to marry a girl who is heavily in debt. Thats how men roll. They brag about how they let women take advantage of them and posture it as they being nice and responsible. They only have a problem with it when she divorces them or they can no longer afford it.

Men are the source of the problem!

j_k_802 · 2026-05-30T17:31:30+00:00

2x before for babies and child support. Prior deletions gave them a conscience as “chads” ruined them and they settled for me. One was very short “dating” and pressure from families (very young) 2nd played long game and finally got pregnant the very last time we did the deed. Both exes filed for divorce left for family at 6 months of babies age. You’d think I’d learn but nope. 🙂‍↔️ 3rd and last marriage is similar to yours although no kids, longer together and she actually does help with house and food preparation and eating. Dead bedroom for decades because she can. I’m just continuing to work and keep my head down as she won’t divorce since she has it made. I won’t take the last financial hit in my near retirement years as I’m close. I can see the end of the tunnel. I try to explain to many others they all do this and the ones that don’t are already taken long ago

trailler · 2026-05-30T17:22:56+00:00

IrresponsibleInsect · 2026-05-30T17:17:21+00:00

Exploitation is the name of the game. Worked my ass off for 25 years supporting her while she did drugs, lied, and put herself before the children and family every. Single. Time. I brought home the $ AND took care of the house, and the older children basically raised the younger ones. The last 10 years or so I began figuring it out and making moves to try to force her to do more and be accountable. She got 10x worse. I was in the final blows of cutting off any reliance I had on her- driving the children to the bus stop and picking them up from school. I was moving the family somewhere more urban where the bus would pick up and drop off at our house. This would have been the last thing I needed her for, and she knew it. A week before the move she filed for a restraining order claiming I raped and beat her 9 years ago. 0 evidence. They granted the temporary, gave her the kids, the house, the car, and with the house was everything in it- personal or community property. We get to trial 6 months and $18k in attorney fees later and she submitted 0 evidence, with 2 witnesses- her "best friend" who advanced on me as soon as the restraining order was filed and I rejected her, and her mother, who in 21 years of having grandkids has not once watched them overnight, ever. Suffice to say she dropped the restraining order that day, but not after like 8 attempts to again get me to agree to absolutely exploitative bs agreements. Fast forward to now- I filed and the court gave her custody because the kids are in school where she lives, and gave her the house because I don't live there, because she kicked me out with a frivolous restraining order.

It's a racket. Leave because you're being exploited and the court becomes the new mechanism for exploitation. The system is broken.

ImpertinentNazgul · 2026-05-30T17:17:16+00:00

Divorce final this March. I was absolutely used. Paid for her and her two kids lifestyles for a decade, helped her dramatically improve her career, and never really questioned her intent. The minute we hit even the remotest rough patch (I was underemployed for 18+ months), she cheated and bailed.

BUT. Jokes on her. The money we split out of the divorce, she used to keep showing off for the neighbors and I put into the market and have been making bank. Just landed a job that’s a 100% salary increase…now making more than her, with a higher eventual upside for both compensation and role title.

That’s not me bragging, that’s me telling you…things happen for a reason. You can absolutely rebound from this, find contentment and peace, and live a great life. Get out there, and good luck, brother!

Pmoneywhazzup · 2026-05-30T17:11:17+00:00

Please do not get married again. If you are tempted to do it in the future, and you might because women can be very persuasive when they are motivated to do so, I sentence you to 12 hours of reading this sub.

ThaTruth_NoBS · 2026-05-30T16:45:59+00:00

Remember “women” start planning these things way in advance so by the time you’re aware that she wants something different it could be 3-5 years. So by the time you catch up you add another 2-3 years. Imagine how much planning she’s been doing towards her exit……

InfuriatingLeisur081 · 2026-05-30T15:54:19+00:00

Divorced on March too. Just 2 years ago. I lost the house fully to her and had to pay a hefty chunk as well. No, I did not cheat. I was not on drugs or had gambling issues. It was just an unbearably conflicting marriage.

Do I feel like I was used? Yes, very much. I mean her salary before me was going straight to stray cats as she was living with her parents. Now she got a fully restored house in the best district of the city with all furnitures. But I find comfort into thinking that I bought my peace and secured my mental abilities in exchange for money.

You and I should be greatful as we no longer have to deal with exes due to no child. Read around and you will see that there is a substantial majority that are being taken advantage of in here.

The system, regardless of the locarion, is broken and there is nothing you and I can do about it, my brother. Our best bet is to minimize the loss which you and I already did. My heart and thoughts go to other brothers who gotta pay their exes for the upcoming decade.

SwanInitial7493 · 2026-05-30T15:45:49+00:00

Yeah, that’s one of the things I really struggle with. I borrowed a lot against my inheritance to provide all the things she wanted: house, new car etc and then she just stole it all and the courts supported the theft. Also glp-1 related.

Title	Ever Get the Feeling You Were Used?
Author	tonyway7293
Upvotes	72
Comments	61
Date	May 30, 2026 3:32 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ts32ky/ever_get_the_feeling_you_were_used/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ever-get-the-feeling-you-were-used.1581675 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581675

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