I have posted here several times now. I love this subreddit and I want to thank you for all your support so far through my journey.

Brief Backstory: STBXW filed for divorce this past Spring after I called her out on suspicious behavior that accelerated quickly after she started taking a GLP-1 medication at the beginning of the year. The weight came off, subtle comments about other men followed, escalating bizarre behavior and comments and here we are after 10 years together and 5 years married. I highly suspect infidelity.

Something on this Sunday that I am reflecting on that was a huge red flag was her increased social media usage and the content she was posting. I reflect on the fact that although we should not have to police our spouse's social media, you DO need to make sure your boundaries are clearly defined. I admit I was too laxed, out of touch and maybe sent a mixed signal a few years ago that I am about to go into detail with...

I used to have Instagram, got rid of it a few years ago. I use Reddit, Facebook and Youtube. My wife's Instagram usage increased steadily throughout our marriage. She eventually hopped on the TikTok train and it was around that time when the GLP-1 started and the marriage ended.

Probably 2-3 years ago I remember my wife asking me if she could post some pictures from a boudoir photoshoot she did. Here is where mistake 1 as it pertains to my role in her social media begins. "Sure honey, if it makes you happy go for it but nothing nude!". I know I said something like that and then probably proceeded to hop on my lawn mower and cut the grass. What I *should* have said to set a solid respectful boundary should have been "Honey, I love these photos but they are for my eyes only". My mindset at the time was if it makes her happy why not.... she would never betray me......

Fast forward to this past year. She starts to take the GLP-1 medication and the weight drops rapidly. She is feeling good about herself. I am feeling better than ever because she is looking good, confident, life is good.....

Remember I said I used to have Instagram? By this point, my Instagram was long gone.

About a month before the marriage blew up, a good friend of mine called.

Friend: "Hey man, is everything good between you and your wife?"

Me: "absolutely! things are great!"

Friend: "Ok, well, your wife is posting some cryptic things with her selfies man, just seems bizarre"

Mistake 2: I ignored it. Literally ignored it. I doubt it would have changed anything by this point. I can't honestly tell you why I ignored it but I did.

I later found out after the marriage blew up, she was posting all types of duck face selfies etc. One of which said #hideyourhusbands. She was making a mockery of the marriage for all to see on social media and I had no idea until it was pretty much too late.

Fatal Mistake: believing loyalty is assumed. Trusting that your wife is on the up and up when it comes to social media. Looking back, she was on her phone 24/7 towards the end and I was completely passive and blind to it. Had I set a hard firm boundary with social media years ago, maybe this could have been fixed. Ignoring my friend's phone call maybe wasn't as big a mistake as I think because had I called out the behavior THAT late in the game, I would have been viewed as insecure. I believe she was also secretly on the dating apps without my knowledge as well in the end.

I learned my STBXW is someone that feeds off external validation HEAVILY...... there is some childhood trauma there I won't get into that I believe is a core reason for this.

Has anyone's ex or STBXW have an increased social media presence before the end?