“Are we Dating the Same Guy?” Facebook Groups

upvotersfortruth · 2026-01-19T03:59:38+00:00

I originally removed this as it doesn't strictly fit in the purpose of the sub, but then again, post divorce dating is a huge topic so I think the topic provides support to our people. Any thoughts? Are there other subs that already do this?

PerfectDescription39 · 2026-06-26T14:13:02+00:00

I ended up being posted in one of these groups within the last week.

I had gone to dinner twice and on several walks with a woman I met through Facebook Dating. Unknown to me, she posted my name and photo in one of these groups. There were no negative comments, and I only learned about the post because someone I know happened to be a member.

When I asked her about it, she immediately acknowledged that she had made the post. She explained that she had previously been involved with a man who was simultaneously dating several women, and that experience made her cautious. She apologized, but also was a bit flippant about it, describing the group as “girl’s fight club” and was more focused on me learning of her post vice the posting itself.

I explained why I still viewed it as a serious issue.

Subjectively:

- It conveyed that she did not trust me or feel comfortable enough to have a direct conversation with me.

- She shared my name and photograph in what is essentially a 31,000+ member online gossip forum without my knowledge or consent.

Objectively:
- The post created professional consequences. I hold a relatively senior leadership position and am recognizable within my community, so having my photograph circulated in a large local group was not inconsequential.
- While she was able to leave the group and move on, I am the one left dealing with the lasting reputational and professional effects.

Ironically, we met through Facebook Dating. I had already deleted my dating profile based on my interest in her, while hers remained active.

For me, the bottom line was simple: I decided not to pursue the relationship any further.

Over the past week, I've spent some time looking into these groups. In my opinion, they function far more as gossip forums than as legitimate safety resources. Very little posted about an individual can be independently verified. Context matters, perspective matters, and many discussions seem to devolve into criticism and speculation rather than factual information. They often become self-reinforcing echo chambers where one-sided narratives are accepted without meaningful scrutiny, while the person being discussed has no opportunity to provide context or respond.

Do both women AND men have a legitimate interest in learning about someone they may date? Absolutely.

Verified criminal history or documented abusive behavior? Yes, and there are legitimate ways to obtain that information.

Seeking perspective from a former partner? Perhaps. But former partners also bring their own biases, emotions, and interpretations. The difficult question is this: how do you separate subjective opinion from objective truth?

Sea_Lifeguard1634 · 2026-03-21T03:27:22+00:00

I’ve had 3 failed talking stages since my wife and I split back to back and come to find out it’s because of these groups, so I feel you bro. Like okay so I’m being cancelled because I had other matches than you? Insecure much?

Intelligent_Meet_918 · 2026-03-11T17:37:41+00:00

If you say no, or I'm not interested and reject a woman that isn't emotionally mature, then you will probably get posted. When you break it off with a narcissist they take it as an attack and will retaliate. man or woman. Best thing you can do is choose wisely, pray, and hope that you don't get mixed up with the type of person that will do this. Below average women or women with unresolved issues retaliate and won't accept accountability. Decent stand-up women won't waste their time spreading lies, they will just move on. Its self-respect, someone who doesn't respect their self is a dangerous person to deal with and will try to destroy you for trying to leave and save yourself. I've been posted twice and it was because I was thinking with my d***. My offense was realizing what I was getting into after the sex wore off and wanting out. That's more than enough justification for a woman to call you a liar, or ghoster, abuser, etc. we gotta make better choices boys. Don't be so quick to sleep with a woman just bc she looks good. everything that glitters aint gold. just my opinion though. good luck out there and stay safe folks.

West-Possible5128 · 2026-03-08T18:53:37+00:00

Yeah good luck. I was posted for just matching. I went on 3 different dates in a span of a year and one of them thought I was too goof y and should be medicated. Really nice group. Now my friends and coworkers see that and it's embarrassing to be seen that way.

Camille_Toh · 2026-01-26T18:57:53+00:00

Your profile pic or a screenshot of the profile = just someone asking if there is good news or bad news, or no news about a particular man they've matched with or have a date set up with. 9/10 times, there's nothing to report, or just a neutral "we were talking but never met," or "we went on one date and didn't vibe, but he seems nice enough."

No one is "picking apart" a profile, and you can get banned for making a negative comment about a man's looks.

There is a lot of positivity, e.g., "I worked with him so don't know what he is like to date, but he's a great guy." My favorites: "That's my ex-husband--he's a very decent person and good man" and--"Oh, that's my dad--glad he's getting out there." :-)

The dudes who get posted for negative behaviors--They are ALL repeat customers who are absolutely serial in their awfulness. It's like a career for them. And it's not reports for petty stuff--these are men who are dangerous.
And/or they're lying about being single. Studies prove that at least half of the men online dating are married.

The rare "this guy didn't ask me out again!" silliness gets the person criticized for wasting people's time, and those get deleted.

BASH811 · 2026-01-21T04:46:42+00:00

I was posted on one of those, and three separate women I’ve never met in my life posted completely fabricated stories about the horrible things I did to them.

maturin_nj · 2026-01-21T01:39:34+00:00

You guys have a lot of power. Why be one of the sheep playing nice, according to their rules like a trained seal, on a dating app. If All of you guys simultaneously drop the apps and OF, what happens. You stop giving free attention in exchange for nothing. This has been turned into a biz model. Free attn lowers your value. Boycott it, your value automatically increases. Lowered supply. Facebook is the free attn homeland. Think before you leave that like or that ridiculous message . It's should feel embarrassing. Like you've lowered yourself. Like you've bent the knee.

Here's the power part. Boycott those free attn for for nothing biz models and you'll bankrupt them. No revenues. Just like the bud lite Boycott. Inflict serious material damage in weeks. The apps will then come begging for their patsies to return. But it's too late . Your never returning to the plantation.

2coldoutside · 2026-01-20T17:18:38+00:00

May I add that therapy during and post divorce was very hard and very beneficial to me.

At some point, I adopted the Mel Robbins slogan, ‘so let them’.

I can work on me and be consistent. My ex-spouse has played the victim and is now civil.

My adult children are still trying to navigate this turn of events and warily coming back into my life.

Can’t change the past and it costs nothing to be kind. It is darn hard and expensive to get through therapy though, and well worth it, IMHO.

Legitimate-Bit7192 · 2026-01-20T16:35:26+00:00

If you're in Ontario, it costs only $108 to file a civil lawsuit for up to $50k. At the very least, they have 20 days from the day they were served, which means they'll be required to obtain a lawyer. Chat GPT will help provide the necessary support to word it correctly, based on your specific case. A few things to go after them for would be privacy (privacy torts), defamation law and harassment (some of which falls under criminal law).

Good luck

Simplement_thrown · 2026-01-19T21:09:20+00:00

Everyone and anyone can see it and weigh in. There's rarely anything positive said about men and when it happens it get either drowned out or removed. There's no way to validate anything that's said. Some men have been posted for simply not paying for the date.

One of the worst examples of harassment/group stalking is a man being posted for canned messages then the women would repeatedly post him because they would seek him out just to see of they would get the same message. Then was posted so much people who have never met him would leave the dreaded "he was posted before and it was bad" not knowing his only crime was using the same opener.

These groups are bad news and many women are being sued and losing because of the free for all they've become.

NilesCraneSeattle · 2026-01-19T19:47:23+00:00

Hey just to give the other side I’m on lots of these groups and lots of posts say positive things about the men that get posted!

Yes there are lots of others too where people share and situations, abuse, suggest looking up Claire’s law but I promise you as a woman the vast vast vast majority of us are on there to keep ourselves safe x

TheBKing1000 · 2026-01-19T18:39:02+00:00

My friends ex wife posted him to all the groups and a creepy forum too. She was trying to wreck his dating life. What he learned is who the eff cares. You don't want yo be dating a girl who is all over these groups anyways.

Background_Lettuce17 · 2026-01-19T14:12:49+00:00

In response to your update, yes, it's likely every woman you know I aware that you're posted and probably know what it says, and they will lie directly to you about knowing. It only takes one woman you work with to spread it around. If your sister knows, then all her friends know, too.

frequentcannibalism · 2026-01-19T13:56:32+00:00

Stay off the local swipe apps if you’re looking for any serious or you’re a man with a good life and anything to lose. It’s not worth the risk.

indigo_pirate · 2026-01-19T09:20:45+00:00

The problem is that the original purpose of the group is borderline acceptable. It was intended as ‘is this guy’ a threat , criminal or patently abusive.

But as you would expect it has just descended into a catty gossip column. With completely unacceptable posting and tearing down of random men. For any reason.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-01-19T06:48:06+00:00

This is has been a vicious thing in Thailand for a decade or more …

ramad84 · 2026-01-19T04:04:16+00:00

i had a lady post my photo to one of these pages before our first date. wtf

One_Mathematician864 · 2026-01-19T01:47:02+00:00

Facebook groups, tea app, their own friend Whatsapp groups.

Funny thing is, they are also talking to dozens of men and sleeping with a few of them.

They don't consider their actions cheating though. Cus the men "didn't make it official". So they are simply weighing their options.

It's only men who cheat.

Salty-Amoeba-3139 · 2026-01-19T01:34:03+00:00

What? What does my response have to do with the legitimate and very serious issue of domestic violence against women? Not making the connection here. I’m just saying I wouldn’t want anything to do with a group of people (male or female) who spend their time picking apart dating profiles. Shit, I hope life after divorce offers more than that

HedgeRunner · 2026-01-19T01:33:38+00:00

I mean don’t date far left? 🤣🤣🤣 It’s a joke guys don’t be triggered :)

hhh888hhhh · 2026-01-19T01:16:27+00:00

Someone should bring a lawsuit to any chic that violates someone’s privacy, image and likenesses.

Salty-Amoeba-3139 · 2026-01-19T01:01:09+00:00

Dude. Find a wholesome woman. Go to church. Or to the boat ramp. Find a woman who fishes and doesn’t criticize dudes on Facebook

NewMeNewUsername · 2026-01-19T00:53:26+00:00

I know I will be downvoted because I'm a woman, but I wanted to comment that I belong to one of those groups for my local area and what I know about it. I have never posted on it, but I have seen many of the posts.

The rules say you are not supposed to nitpick the profile itself and it's not for critiquing what the person looks like. The best thing about it is you find out who is actually married or in long term relationships with a pregnant girlfriend at home or who has a history of DV/stalking so you don't want to be on their radar in the first place.

I have seen many posts where people have said nothing but nice things about the person posted. Most of the time when only bad things are said, it is because the person posting was already seeing red flags and wanted confirmation or a sanity check. If you are serious about finding a relationship and you aren't flaking, ghosting, in a relationship, or just sleeping around then there aren't going to be bad things said.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-01-19T00:30:38+00:00

It happened to me. I'd just started online dating and the first woman I went on a date with showed me I was on the site. It was obviously her that posted me and she was trying to get a reaction.

That being said, it did force me to really scrub my social media, my LinkedIn.

I ended up keeping only one FB dating profile. Had a lot of success and then met the girl I'm with now, through a friend. Deleted all my profiles and haven't turned back.

These women will search your name, find your ex, search all her pictures. They're instance.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-01-19T00:28:59+00:00

There should be an equivalent “is she a whore” Facebook group

conker574 · 2026-01-19T00:28:05+00:00

Lol I was only mentioned in one of the groups.

I got lucky, but my ex had her pictures posted plus screenshots of messages she was sending to dudes.

Morale of the story, dating in 2026 is weird, don't get caught dipping your dick in crazy, and also be sure to be subtle with your dating.

Some things are within your control, some things are not. Be cautious and wrap your tool.

Good luck.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-01-19T00:14:23+00:00

If they don't do it on Facebook, they will do it with their girlfriends or family. Let them waste their time on you if they want, who cares what they think and bicker about.

Title	“Are we Dating the Same Guy?” Facebook Groups
Author	tonyway7293
Upvotes	128
Comments	136
Date	January 19, 2026 12:10 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qgorxr/are_we_dating_the_same_guy_facebook_groups/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-facebook-groups.1571471 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571471

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