Despair - The Long Term Financial Implications of Divorce as a Dad

PhysicalExcuse351 · 2026-03-21T20:31:39+00:00

Just wanted to post a note of thanks to all of you who replied. Makes me feel not so bad and there were some good ideas. I'd never thought about moving to SE Asia for example to reduce costs lol. Guess i'll just have to keep hanging out at the coffee shop where all the rich widows have their ten dollar coffees. Cheers.

Gattsama · 2026-03-15T10:36:30+00:00

There are no good choices, but here's some general things to consider.

Child support ends. Once it does save and invest everything you can. This might mean working until your mid to late 60's.

Anything you can do when your child is not with you to earn extra money. If your budget is already balanced then every dollar is saving for the future.

If your employer has any matching program use it.

I don't know if Canada has any retirement or pension program, but if so look up how much you might be able to qualify for. In the United States we have social security, we're to be honest I don't count on as I'm not even sure to be around when I finally retire. But it at least provides a floor that you can safely count on worst case scenario.

Strongly consider retirement to SE Asia or central / south America. You need a source of income (retirement, pension, etc) but much lower cost of living and better services. I am actually financially fairly well off, but still plan to retire to a lower cost of living area in the southeast United States, frequent visits to Asia, and ultimately will likely spend my Twilight years there because the cost of long-term care is so much more affordable. And to be honest about it, better than what I could receive in the United States.

Ultimately, you need to find a way to increase your income so that you can save and invest. This means that you're going to have to find some other side job when your child is not with you. It sucks, it's not fair, and the world shouldn't have to be this way. But it is what it is.

DarthDad25 · 2026-03-15T00:25:42+00:00

I personally thought you were good until you said no savings in retirement. If you’re renting, paying child support, and still not able to set anything aside for retirement, at the age of 50… I completely understand why you’re stressed. I personally believe it’s absolute BS when 50/50 shared parenting is happening but you still pay child support. You support 100% of the funds when the children are with you 50% of them time. So why should you also have to fund the ex spouses funds for their 50% of the time? I sympathize for you, brother!

The only solutions I can think of… is it possible to relocate outside the metropolitan area to lower rent? Can you get into a 2 bed 1 bath place to rent? Saving for your future is more important than draining yourself financially and mentally providing more than what’s necessary short term for your son. He won’t remember the living condition. He will remember how you showed up. How present you were. How you raised him and how you prepared him. That’s what’s important

Olderbutnotdead619 · 2026-03-14T22:20:11+00:00

Does your son want to live with his mom? When will he be old enough to have a day in this matter?

FUMoney · 2026-03-14T20:25:12+00:00

Marriage + children + divorce + terrible divorce court system = disaster. There is no avoiding this conclusion.

Reflog1791 · 2026-03-14T18:18:34+00:00

Yup it’s a massive scam that was designed for this outcome. There’s no easy way to make sense of it.

If you’re paying an amount commiserate with the laws and guidelines there’s nothing to be done in divorce court.

My creative idea for you is focus on cash flow, squeeze out an extra $500 per month (cord cutting etc), and bet on the stock market.

If you can squeeze out some savings do a little Dave Ramsey plan and pay off any debts to open up even more cash flow, then 6 months emergency fund, then fund retirement, then blast it on stock market.

It takes a lot of time and energy to invest wisely, but imo it’s a better use of time than a second gig as a delivery driver or something.

TimeCycle3000 · 2026-03-14T18:14:33+00:00

Hi. You’ve voiced my concerns about my future (4 kids, high earner, USA).

And it makes me wonder about the breakdown of your expenses. For me, I know my rent (ugh. I’ve owned homes for 15 years and now I’ll rent) will be a lot cause I want to stay in the same school district as my kids. Which means I have to pinch elsewhere.

I’d recommend posting this in a personal finance sub.

Even-Cartographer134 · 2026-03-14T18:12:31+00:00

Hey mate, yea it’s challenging and you’ll never look back and regret fighting for 50/50 custody of your son. I don’t know Canadian custody/support laws (I’m US based) but our calculation worksheets for support were publicly available so I started tinkering with the numbers. I was paying my ex $2,000/mo for my daughters but I was able to get it down significantly once I took direct payment of a few items. -after school care - she was paying this but I fought to pay for it directly as the higher earner. This lowered my support significantly and it will fall off as an expense well before my kids turn 18 here child support would not. That was a big needle mover for me. If the calculations are available, I would see if moving some childcare expenses to your side of the ledger vs hers would help you. Outside of that, if your goal is a home, have to create an investment account and start putting money away monthly into it and grow it. It won’t be the fastest but it’ll get you there systematically. The hardest part was feeling so overwhelmed for me, have to put your financial needs over your sons for the moment (I mean saving for college, future expenses for him like a car, etc). Take care of your financial future and his will be better for it. Take it one step at a time, set your money to start allocating like bills into investment account, retirement account, etc and have it autodrafted monthly. All these things seem impossible, but break them down into small manageable steps and knock them out one at a time. I don’t mean this in a negative way at all because I was the same way for a while (fought my ex for 5 years with custody/property) but you can’t pity your situation anymore. No one is coming to save you. Start eating the elephant, take it one bite at a time, order your priorities, and start the process.

When you look back 3 years from now, you’ll be amazed at what your situation looks like compared to where it is now.

Not a lawyer, just run a wealth mgmt company (why advice is money based) but as a man, we tie a lot of our worth to what we can provide, so I get it 100%. Your post resonated with me bc I felt stuck like I couldn’t plan for my future, but I’m telling you there’s the other side of this and your son will be watching you the whole time and taking notes.

You got this.

DontEnjoyBoats · 2026-03-14T18:04:01+00:00

Sorry you are going through this. It's fair to be frustrated. I too get angry at the costs I've faced through this experience. Angry at the waste of it all, that it has robbed my children of opportunity and experience, and future financial support & inheritance. The sums are grotesque. I'm too fatigued from it all to try to establish a second income to try to claw back.

You'll get through it, you cannot undo the losses, sometimes all we can do is try to stem the bleeding and support our kids. Sounds like you're a high achiever & are doing great with the hand you've been dealt

Take care

Retying3043 · 2026-03-14T18:36:34+00:00

Change your mindset. Buying a house is not an investment, or “moving ahead.” Maybe in a social status sense but most certainly NOT in a financial sense.

Title	Despair - The Long Term Financial Implications of Divorce as a Dad
Author	PhysicalExcuse351
Upvotes	28
Comments	13
Date	March 14, 2026 4:30 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rtnv9w/despair_the_long_term_financial_implications_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/despair-the-long-term-financial-implications-of.1575496 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575496

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