What would you have done differently

TheWallGoingUp · 2026-06-22T23:33:42+00:00

"What would you have done differently, if (.......................)?"
If what? If you could turn back time? If they could do anything differently, they would've already done it.

Competitive-Show-955 · 2026-06-22T22:31:28+00:00

Honestly, I dont know. If I woke up tomorrow and it was the day after our wedding day, I might or might not agree to move halfway across the country, I might or might not insist on living in a certain place or places, I might or might not help her start her business or insist finances be handled differently.

Its all so ambivalent because the good comes with the bad. Yes im enormously disappointed with who she turned out to be and she's caused me an enormous amount of pain, but I have a beautiful home in a place I love where I also have enormous opportunity and a smoking hot girlfriend (literally a former model, who is also 13 years younger than my stbxw). More importantly, I have two sons who i love so much it hurts to think about and who actively want to spend time with me. And probably none of this happens if things don't play out exactly as they did.

So who knows? Be content with the beautiful things you have and build on them. Life has its dark moments, but those only teach us to appreciate the light even more.

Relative-Cicada1553 · 2026-06-22T22:22:39+00:00

I had a good outcome. But it was blind luck. I was heavily involved throughout. I didn't trust my lawyer and kept gathering legal info from wherever I could.

HerbEverstanks · 2026-06-22T20:22:48+00:00

Mine was simple with no kids. I would have left IL and moved to Indiana. I prob would have saved over 500k in "spousal support ", kept some value in my house and saved close to 100k in lawyer fees.

infinity_x001 · 2026-06-22T19:41:29+00:00

Almost everything.. I wish I was better to my ex wife

Guru_of_Glaze · 2026-06-22T17:37:48+00:00

Prenup

bridge1999 · 2026-06-22T17:16:13+00:00

Should have filled as soon as she pushed for an open marriage

eaglistism · 2026-06-22T16:48:30+00:00

Honestly, I don’t know if would’ve made a huge difference but I’d not offer divorce as an option, allow me to explain.

We’re over 2 years separated now and we’ve always been very amicable, no abuse, violence or cheating.

We started to lose our connection (it pains me to say) after we had our third child and first son. We were both thrilled that he came along and that we had three healthy kids, all seemed well.

My Wife comes from a large family and their father was violent and mean. I’m certain my wife had lots of unresolved trauma from her upbringing as she was the oldest and took it upon herself to protect and at times parent her younger siblings.

We had a lovely relationship, both met with the same goals and needs, had a great wedding, good jobs, got a good house in a good area, then the first of the kids came along after an intial scare with miscarriage, all seemed to be going well.

In the last few years though we started to have less time for one another and started slacking in ‘dating’ each other, she was back in work full time, we became ships in the night and little things got on each others nerves, our differences, and so we’d argue and bicker.

TLDR/My Point-: About 2 years and 2 months ago after a very bad snarky row and being quite annoyed at being picked on I offered that maybe we should just divorce ? To my shock she jumped at it and has basically been on a one way railroad to that destination ever since, won’t discuss any other idea, won’t consider help either.

Sooooo, would it have made a difference ? Probably not BUT I regret offering divorce and instead wish I took a more considered approach and tried to get us into counselling and see if I could encourage her to try therapy.

Update: I was in a rush earlier as had to leave for an appointment but yeah it’s a car crash now as are I assume all divorces. I left her and the kids in the family home and I’m with my Mam when not there to parent them. She has them all the time and I co-parent whenever I’m off but have to go between 2-4 days without them work depending and I hate every lonely minute so I naturally feel I should’ve fought to save us rather than offer divorce in an angry moment but that ship has seemingly sailed on a gale force wind now 🤦🏻‍♂️

Mister_Vandemar · 2026-06-22T16:39:25+00:00

I honestly don’t know what I could have done differently during the divorce process. Once she filed, while I was gutted, I accepted that the marriage was over. I left the fighting to my attorney and tried to avoid personal conflict.

My divorce dragged on far longer than it needed to, and the legal expenses were accordingly excessive, but that was a consequence of my ex dragging it out.

I explicitly directed my attorney to get the divorce done as quickly as possible, and I said the only thing I would not budge on was equal parenting time. If I was suddenly back at the beginning of the process, I don’t see any choices that I could make differently.

I think it’s interesting to note that my ex has shared a number of things that she’d have done differently- different attorney being at the top of the list.

BeansDaddy2015 · 2026-06-22T16:28:12+00:00

Part of me would say I'd look back and see if I did everything possible to make it work. Counseling, communication, anything.

Aside from two people splitting, the money, the time, the heartache and then if children are involved, it becomes way more complicated.

I was told that "peace of mind has no price tag" and in a way that's true but also, the "what if" comes to mind.

My ex and I were together 17+ years with almost 15 in marriage. It kills me to this day but it had to happen.

Good luck!

woodrob12 · 2026-06-22T22:35:18+00:00

She's moved on.

Title	What would you have done differently
Author	Automatic_Red
Upvotes	1
Comments	14
Date	June 22, 2026 4:19 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ucp5sg/what_would_you_have_done_differently/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-would-you-have-done-differently.1583384 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583384

Comments