I'm not quite through my divorce yet (final hearing next year) but my experience over the last year or so has been that it's an uphill battle for male equality.

From the outset, I've done everything possible to resolve things amicably and found that if your ex wants to litigate hard with the sole intention of maximising her financial settlement, there's nothing you can do to stop it - and you'll be expected to fund the legal fees. All you can do it keep calm, legally defend yourself, and hope you can financially and psychologically ride out the storm.

  1. People (friends, schools, judges) are quick to believe stories of coercion, abuse, financial control with zero evidence.

  2. People assume that the mother has borne the majority of childcare and general household activities. It's extremely hard to convince people otherwise.

  3. Schools default to communicating with the mother. You have to be very proactive to ensure the schools behave with neutrality and treat you with equality as a primary carer.

There seems to be a standard playbook "family" law firms follow:

  1. Accuse your partner of controlling and abusive behaviour.

  2. Try to manufacture evidence, through various forms of psychological abuse. e.g. Aggressive legal posturing / intimidation, honey traps, passive aggressive baiting. With a view to making you react and having you thrown out of your home.

  3. Claim "effective" primary care of children (e.g. through quietly attending more doctors appointments, hair cuts) - even if you've agreed 50/50 care.

  4. Minimise appearance of income and earning capacity.

  5. Claiming that raising the children has damaged your career - when care has been balanced and your career has flourished.

  6. Bypass the MIAM process and proceed straight to financial remedy.

If any of this resonates, I'd be interested to hear others experiences.