How do I cope with the fact that no woman will ever truly love me?

AFPJ · 2016-01-18T18:30:42+00:00

how do I cope with this? How can I stop seeing women in such a romantic way

Look at where it leads the men who continue to do so (divorce-raped, depressed & friendless) and good ole' practice.

My whole life, all I've wanted was a loyal, loving woman who could give me the same amount of affection I gave to her. I wanted a woman who I could wake up in the morning with and watch TV and get bagels with. I now how ludicrous, silly, and childish that sounds now since obviously no such woman exists

You're grieving an imaginary loss - it's silly, but when you've been lied to your entire life it's understandable. The first thing you should do is realize that as you are "trying to swallow the red pill", you are not being deprived of the future where you are in love with a woman and everything is honky donky, you are being deprived of a future where you are used, disrespected & possibly deprived of half of your lifetime earnings on someone's whim: this is a very good thing.

Women are happier when they do more for you than you do for them - this is good for you because you fast-track towards your life goals. Your primary value to a "modern woman" is psychological reassurance & stability - you provide this by being a consistent leader and it costs you nothing. Your secondary value to a modern woman is the perceived social status she gets out of the situation - it is important to note that this also costs you nothing. So when we get right down to it, the exchange between men & women is by no means a zero sum game - there can be two winners.

So whereas your old BP self would've been "madly in love" with a woman, doting on her and giving her material things which only make her detest you and herself for being with you, you can save your time as well as your money & end up with a happier date / girlfriend / whatever you choose to have once you're proficient enough to have that choice.

If that's not a win-win, I don't know what is.

CopperFox3c · 2016-01-18T18:33:03+00:00

The real question is: why do you want a mother? Because the way you describe love is how a young boy sees his mother. Safety, comfort. Unconditional love.

A grown man doesn't need a mother. Those things may be nice to have around, but they are not a necessity. The thing you really need to deal with is what is it about YOU that makes you feel the need for such maternal love. And why do you want that in a sexual partner?

Honestly, I've found in my life that a woman who lets you lead her, be her captain, makes for a much better companion.

RiseAboveRuin · 2016-01-19T02:04:30+00:00

Everything you just stated as something you want can be had.. I've noticed a sort a cult like mentality developing here over the past year or so. People are twisting The Red Pill into something it's not.

Look, if you want a LTR, get an LTR. Use TRP principles to maintain frame and never sacrifice your own wants and desires for hers unless, through delayed gratification, doing so will reward you in the end in some way.

A LTR can be just as you said. You an have a loyal woman, if you act right. You can have a loving woman, if you act right. You can have a woman to wake up with in the morning and watch TV with, if you act right. You can have a woman to go get bagels with, if you act right.

They don't exist? This was my past two 3+ year relationships. They didn't cheat on me, they didn't disrespect me, they pretty much loved me so much that it drove ME away.

I came to the TRP and keep coming back to TRP because I've unknowingly been following TRP my whole life. Reading this stuff helps to remind myself how to hold frame in various circumstances and also serves as a constant reminder to be a better version of myself.

Don't let some of these people fool you. There are good relationships to be had. There are many happily married men here on TRP who maintain a good healthy relationship by acting like the man their woman needs. Don't believe me? Just browse /r/RedPillWomen for a bit. There are good woman out there, you just have to be wise about your choices man.

SkorchZang · 2016-01-18T20:26:46+00:00

Keep shoving the pill down. That's not even the beginning of it, yet.

You will find that not only is it true that women won't ever love you the way your blue pill self wants, but also the very shape and condition of those blue pill wants is itself unnatural, foist upon you by the default blue upbringing you had, and is designed to hold you back.

The feeling you consider to be "yours" is literally there to make you a slave to the feminine imperative. That is a frightening realization, and yet you must go through and endure it, and burn it away with your crimson pharmaceutical.

jdgalt · 2016-01-18T21:41:31+00:00

Be Don Draper. Investigate the people who try to convince you that true love exists.

animalpoo · 2016-01-18T21:56:00+00:00

Love is an actual need. It gives to your self esteem and reaffirms your value in the world. It releases oxytocin throughout your brain and increases dopamine.

If you get anything from one source "money", "companionship" "love" , you are foolish.

Donate, give to charity, spend time with your family, get a dog; alongside a relationship (or spin plates until you're ready) . Just don't put all your hopes and needs in in one person.

momomotorboat · 2016-01-18T20:53:30+00:00

Other comments have pointed to the very want of a stable, easy, trusting relationship with a woman as ludicrous. Subtract from this all the romantic stuff, for a second.

Is this only ludicrous because of how women plainly operate?

Otherwise, I can't see it. Can't see it as "crazy" on its face.

Hetero men routinely have long, trusting, stable friendships with other men. Therefore, wanting this in an at least somewhat attractive woman that also wants to have sex with you is not the most crazy thing, given our experience with platonic friendships and our own internal state. It is obvious how it could be easy and nice, but it simply is not.

What is maddening is that from the male perspective, female emotions are literally retarded and defeating and have to be manipulated. That is a major frustration for me: women's nature is concealed and hard for most men to understand and you have to internalize some "cheat code book" to make sense out of what to most men is nonsensical.

[deleted] · 2016-01-18T20:58:36+00:00

Love yourself, then whatever love you get from others is just supplemental.

redkick · 2016-01-19T13:03:13+00:00

If you want someone to love you unconditionally, get a dog. Those animals are genetically engineered to do that, unlike women.

youcantdenythat · 2016-01-18T21:59:29+00:00

TRP often comes with grief.. The 5 stages of grief are usually:

Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance

You may have to go through some Depression before you accept it. That's ok, it's a normal part of this.

Having been through all of that, I currently have a pretty good relationship building with a pretty cool chick. I like her and appreciate her for what she is and what she can add to my life. We have bagels and watch tv sometimes. She even seems to be loyal and loving.

That said, I do not rely on her for my happiness. I know that AWALT and at any moment she could cheat on me or turn on me or whatever. The nice thing is that it won't bother me that much if she does. I somewhat expect her to at some point.

It gives me so much emotional freedom. I'm aloof. I don't need her to have a good life. I don't even care that much if she fucks around because she will then go to plate status and I can have another girl on my dick within a few days at most. She knows this and and she currently takes this as a challenge to be the best she can for me (which actually benefits both of us.)

Does she love me deep in her heart and soul? Probably not. If I turned beta would she hang around? Probably not. If I stop fucking her good or stop worrying about my looks will she still act "loyal and loving?" - doubtful.

This world doesn't owe you or me anything. We have to work for it. If you follow the sidebar advice, there isn't any reason you can't find a good woman to have a relationship with. But you are going to have to retrain your brain to get and keep such a woman. You don't just get one because you crave it or daydream about it or whatever.

So what I'm asking is this: how do I cope with this? How can I stop seeing women in such a romantic way, and start seeing them as regular people?

Bottom line, stop paying so much attention to women (or anyone else for that matter) and start working on YOURSELF. Build yourself up into the type of man you should be and your romantic notions will automatically become realistic. And that's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. I am so much happier now the way I am than I was when I felt exactly like you a couple of years ago.

rurpe · 2016-01-18T22:59:09+00:00

Learn to love yourself so you are not dependent on other people.

everythingisthrown · 2016-01-18T23:30:09+00:00

Love yourself. jk find passion in life and just one, do whatever you love whenever you want

redolas · 2016-01-19T01:05:13+00:00

If you ever find the answer to this, please let us know. For me, it's monk mode, and reading the red pill every single day. Also, observing women in their natural habitat. Seeing their manipulations in real life will help you stay awake. In time this feeling will fade. Hopefully replaced by our own self-worth.

dr_warlock · 2016-01-19T01:08:01+00:00

Unwanted thoughts cant be avoided, just dont act on them if they lead to undesireable results.

sunwukong155 · 2016-01-19T01:51:43+00:00

Learn to love yourself and you will have plenty of it.

Any other answer overcomplicates it.

InscrutablePUA · 2016-01-19T03:12:00+00:00

One thing I've really had a lot of trouble coping with is the fact that no woman will ever love me.

You're really misinterpreting TRP advice here. Of course a woman can love you, but not in the same way that you love a woman. She will love you for what you represent, and not just for who you are. In other words, she will not just love you 'for being you'.

I wanted a woman who I could wake up in the morning with and watch TV and get bagels with.

Of course you can do this. You're supposed to enjoy your woman and spending time with her.

So what I'm asking is this: how do I cope with this? How can I stop seeing women in such a romantic way, and start seeing them as regular people?

Start by focusing on yourself and do all the things that the sidebar tells you to do. Start gaming, start hitting on women, and start fucking some women. You'll see them as regular people soon enough (or even as shitty people).

There are plenty of men out there who do the type of things you fantasize about on a daily basis. But you still have to hold up your end of things and be the masculine man that gets her panties wet.

KumonRoguing · 2016-01-19T04:03:42+00:00

Similar to a lot of us here. Poor mothers left us wanting a woman in our lives to be a good one. It never happens.

[deleted] · 2016-01-19T05:08:04+00:00

There are so many things more important than women, relationships, obviously, it is needed but making it the most important thing is a path to a sad life.

Kalepsis · 2016-01-19T05:58:35+00:00

My response is simple: first, love thyself.

This is your life, no one else's. Seeking validation through companionship is what women do. You, as a man, need to realize you are the most important person in your life, and if you can't satisfy yourself, no woman will be enough. Improve yourself physically and mentally. Become happy with who and what you are. Nothing else is important, especially some Disney relationship that only exists in movies.

This, I think, is the core of the pill. After that, everything else falls in line.

phamousTRP · 2016-01-19T17:15:17+00:00

All those qualities you have been conditioned to find externally in a woman you must first foster within yourself first. That person who can love you the way you love yourself, understand you the way you understand yourself, who will be with you from the day you are born until the day you die; that's You. Maintaining a loving relationship with yourself lets you generate value internally instead of needing to seek it externally. You won't need anyone else to fulfill you.

tl;dr - Be your own beta and alpha before trying to be anyone else's.

CynicsChoice · 2016-01-19T20:40:35+00:00

Have you ever broken up with a woman who was an amazing person, but for whom you just didn't have any feelings?

I've done it. Repeatedly. Because I'm heavily insecure, I date down all the time, in the looks department. So I find these lovely people who deserve a great relationship, which I can't give them because at the end of the day...

I'm not attracted to them. I don't have the feelings I want. So there can be no relationship.

No woman can love a man unconditionally.

No man can love a woman unconditionally.

Love is based on attraction and attraction is based on biology. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a salesman.

You don't cope. You understand, then accept. Once you accept, you change your life based on it. You can find enjoyment in life with almost any parameters set on it! But you don't get to fuck with nature's parameters, so you need to learn what those are, and go from there. Ignoring nature is a path to misery. So is despising nature. Explore until you understand! If something is troubling you, that's your mind's way of focusing on a problem you should investigate. Think of ways to test nature until you can be sure what it is.

It's perceptive that you say you can't see women as people. That's a very common problem. Try finding similarities between your own behavior, or the behavior of men, and the way women act. Sometimes you can't, but more often than not, it's just a layer of abstraction away.

Women get their tingles from a dominant, sturdy, powerful man. Men get their tingles from a beautiful, pure, young body and a pretty face.

The tingles are the commonality, and both sexes will act the same when tingles are faked, removed, or never present. There can be no relationship, only a lie.

However... If both parties can maintain themselves as a source of these emotions, attraction can persist. You also don't have to fake any of this behavior, either, once you have the right mindset. You do your job, then you test and find the right girl, then you see how long you can keep it going! That's all there is to it!

yolosun · 2016-01-18T19:14:12+00:00

You can still get that woman but it will be on different terms. Forget unconditional love, since a woman never truly loves you, only the things you do for her.

In a society where hypergamy is rampant, you're better off assuming she will cheat/otherwise break your heart eventually. When SHTF, be ready to bail. You can still enjoy women.

EDDbDG · 2016-01-19T01:35:06+00:00

Fall in love with a cute boy instead :⁾

The__Tren__Train · 2016-01-18T19:24:23+00:00

what you want sounds gay as fuck

Title	How do I cope with the fact that no woman will ever truly love me?
Author	fivesixone561
Upvotes	28
Comments	32
Date	January 18, 2016 6:24 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/41k79y/how_do_i_cope_with_the_fact_that_no_woman_will/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-cope-with-the-fact-that-no-woman-will.159485 https://theredarchive.com/post/159485

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