LTR wants to sleep over with a female friend at an oribters place I told her "no", am I being reasonable?

Archwinger · 2016-01-20T19:29:25+00:00

An ultimatum is an admission that the only way you can attempt to control a situation is via a threat. It's an admission of weakness. It tells her that she has all of the power in this situation, and your only option is to threaten to leave.

Your issue isn't whether your girlfriend does this. It's that she wants to and asked to and thinks it's acceptable. Denying her will just make her start hiding shit in the future.

The right response is to take note of what your girlfriend is really like. What she wants, prioritzes, and thinks is acceptable. That's who you're dating. If you're dating someone who's sex-only material, then change the nature of your arrangement instead of trying to change her.

[deleted] · 2016-01-20T20:45:42+00:00

you set your frame, now hold it

huge_gap · 2016-01-20T19:28:40+00:00

Not unreasonable. High chance it's a proxy place for her to say she slept when she actually is at some Chads place. Alternatively, she will sleep with the orbiter and her friend can lie and vouch for her that she slept downstairs on the mattress.

Any music festival is dangerous regarding fidelity. Then again, you made the choice to be in an LTR so you obviously can't soft next her and need to address it.

Unfortunately, it's out of your hands and there's not much you can do. If you put your foot down you look like a jealous control freak in her eyes. If you do nothing then she has the potential to cheat on you. Honestly, just say you've thought about it and trust her.

You can't negotiate desire, and you can't control a woman from branch swinging. So just let it go, say you trust her, and dismiss the issue. If she cheats on you, doesn't matter because that's out of your control. If she doesnt cheat, yay another day with this girl. What you need is outcome independence.

TL:DR you overreacted outwardly and it lost you points. Inwardly, though, your instincts were spot on.

abdada · 2016-01-20T19:28:27+00:00

Read Rollo's girls night out post.

You played this one from a position of weakness and you also verbalized it.

Rollo's post is 100% my way to play it.

Also, I would never LTR a dame who is still in drug and alcohol concert fest phase. Proof positive that she's not LTR material. Maybe an upper plate.

Methinks your abundance got crushed under the 110# marble pedestal. Seek within.

RedAsBlood · 2016-01-20T20:40:14+00:00

As /u/abdada suggested, Rollo's GNO post would have been the best way to handle it.

You failed a major shit test and lost frame. She now sees you as possessive and scared to lose her.

Your best option here (IMO) would have been to just go to the event with her (assuming she invited you). In an LTR you have to provide some comfort (i.e. doing shit she likes). Assuming she has been good up to this point (giving you good sex) you should reward this behaviour with comfort.

Best way to repair this situation would be to just go.

HeadingRed · 2016-01-20T20:57:17+00:00

I gave her an ultimatum = You gave her the power.

Never hand down an ultimatum -it makes you look weak and you are setting yourself up to fail. Now you have no choice.

Shaigan · 2016-01-21T00:22:36+00:00

She's a slut, demote to plate

frerri · 2016-01-20T19:27:04+00:00

Just asume value. As if she'd be stupid enough to do something with that poor fucker over you.

"Sure, have fun!"

Be comfortable enough in your ability to find new women so that jealousy wont phase you.

And, after a reply like that she might hamster about if you even want her anymore. Which is a good dynamic since this often times lead to her investing more in you!

kabylewolf · 2016-01-20T19:16:38+00:00

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Title	LTR wants to sleep over with a female friend at an oribters place I told her "no", am I being reasonable?
Author	AviatorDetroid
Upvotes	2
Comments	30
Date	January 20, 2016 7:12 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/41vu8f/ltr_wants_to_sleep_over_with_a_female_friend_at/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-wants-to-sleep-over-with-a-female-friend-at-an.159604 https://theredarchive.com/post/159604

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