Do I have to accept that learning "game" will be painful, embarrassing and overall mental torture?

unReasonable_Waiter · 2026-07-27T16:46:04+00:00

No.

Accept that it will be hilarious, challenging and lead to amazing, enviable experiences.

hunterpua · 2026-07-27T18:10:38+00:00

Change your standards for winning.

Right now, you're doing the equivalent of expecting to beat the final boss of a video game in one sitting, anything else you can do, like go up a level, get to a checkpoint, beat a side quest, you're not recognizing as a win.

Essentially, if you don't beat the final boss in a single sitting, you consider yourself a failure.

I was so deathly afraid of approaching girls when I started that I procrastinated for an entire year.

But guess what, when I finally went for it, I was ecstatic to just be able to ask girls for the time.

If you compare me being terrified to approach vs me approaching a girl I have never met before to ask for the time, that's definitely progress.

That's how you should think about this. Anything better than what you were before should be appreciated.

So what if you just managed to make one joke to a girl and then immediately walked away without getting her number? That's still a LOT better than you feeling like approaching girls is torture.

This is the aspect of overcoming your ego that a lot of people never talk about for dating but talk about a lot for fitness.

If you shouldn't ego lift in the gym, don't "ego approach" either.

Don't force yourself to do more than you can handle and then beat yourself up when you don't succeed.

Work on your own pace, take smaller jumps, and like the gym, you will improve and get to those impressive feats over time.

Tell that ego of yours to stop rushing and just appreciate every bit of progress you make.

Frequent_Strategy_27 · 2026-07-27T16:34:58+00:00

Yes, I used to live in a small town where I didn't exactly fit the demographic there so it was really just a massive suck fest for 6 months until I moved. I still went out every weekend, tried gambits, failed a ton. I would joke that I need to get my rejections out of the way and go up to girls and basically get rejected, even by ugly girls. It was bad. I kept getting better and better, though very very slowly. It was deflating but really built my tolerance for rejection and failure.

It wasn't until I decided to leave no stone unturned and move and change my style and haircut and start using some anxiety drugs here and there and learning how to dance that I started having success after success. Only then did it become something that I looked forward to cause I had proof I could do it, and I had an abundance mindset.

It really did take a transformation though, I am quite a bit different than I was a year ago. You can be happy with yourself and true to yourself and still suck with women though, it is really a skill and a bit of showmanship (not showing jealousy even if you are) to get there. So I don't really agree with a lot of the talk here that you need to just be yourself all the time

thegreat4 · 2026-07-27T17:04:06+00:00

Don’t look at it in a negative look at it in a positive

duke_awapuhi · 2026-07-27T17:32:53+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s that bad. It’s just trial and error. Every time you fumble, think about what it taught you. You are gaining experience, to the point that you can even think of rejections as wins because at least you gave it a shot and at least you learned something from it and got practice. The more you practice, the less torturous it feels, and the better you get at it. It will only take a handful rejections before it doesn’t hurt your feelings anymore. And then you can really go for it.

And the thing about practice is that you can get practice flexing your social muscle outside of interactions where you’re trying to pick up a woman. Every single social interaction you have is training you to be better socially. Talk to everyone you can. Don’t chicken out. Eventually it becomes easy and second nature. You won’t be a deer in the headlights anymore, and then talking to potential romantic interests won’t be as intimidating, because you’ll already be comfortable with socializing

Back2theCouture · 2026-07-27T18:03:32+00:00

Most guys who have anxiety will probably say that’s it’s uncomfortable talking to women. That’s why getting used to it aka exposure therapy is often suggested. But calling it mental torture, like seriously how severe it is?

You might have some mental issues or conditions in the background that you may not be aware of.

epimpstyle · 2026-07-27T16:53:07+00:00

This is learned through small successes, not from failures. If you focus on this idea, it will be fun. It is painful if you have no idea what you are doing. It is like going to the gym and lifting weights in a way that messes you up more than it helps you.

Independent-Bad218 · 2026-07-27T16:36:36+00:00

From your starting point… yes. That is the truth. I was similar to you and here are my early stats.

Some people might have it easier but arguably those people already were getting some girls, and it was about maximising results. When starting from getting no girls to getting any girl… that is an entirely different discussion.

Because answer it for yourself. You cannot make any conversation, but infield you will have to push past those 30 seconds. You will still freeze and be directionless, but you will have an extra data point after every set. Do it enough times and you will start seeing patterns.

Eventually out of seer luck you will get results and then is when your inner game will start truly believing in Game. Sadly for people lacking social skills (myself including) there is no other way than trial and error.

Now there are a few caveats. Being socially uncalibrated will make the whole thing more palatable. Because you dont know how awkward you are. There is this saying that normal people wont learn game because they cant stand the learning curve. I believe in it.

Secondly, intermediate results are not to be underestimated. Getting a date when you had none is by itself a victory and it will feel as such. Regardless of lay or not.

Finally, the easiest way to see if you have it in you is an immersion program. Devote 6 months into it, but do not cheat or go back on your promise. At the end of those 6 months you will know if you have it in you to progress further into your game career.

DrBarackPendergrass · 2026-07-27T18:03:51+00:00

HEALING YOUR ANXIETY > chicks

Extreme-Bid-5989 · 2026-07-27T16:47:03+00:00

I don't agree with the statement. It doesn't have to be. It can be but only if you go work on outer game before you work on innergame. People seriously misunderstand the importance of working on your innergame for seduction. Outergame is nice to work on, but innergame makes or breakes your attraction.

WebNew9978 · 2026-07-27T17:49:46+00:00

Yes and no.

PlentyAd4939 · 2026-07-27T16:55:14+00:00

Brroooo listen me you have to work inward not outward Let me explain Inward - working on yourself how you feel what's your weaknesses what's your strengths Just figure out and stared working on them instead of buying a course or jumping randomly to practice it won't work unless you stay confident from inside so better to work on yourself understand why you feel nervous just improve those weakness by time it would come naturally response having a energetic presence in social events

Title	Do I have to accept that learning "game" will be painful, embarrassing and overall mental torture?
Author	DescriptionFuture851
Upvotes	3
Comments	12
Date	July 27, 2026 4:17 PM UTC (3 days ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1v850n9/do_i_have_to_accept_that_learning_game_will_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-i-have-to-accept-that-learning-game-will-be.1628302 https://theredarchive.com/post/1628302

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