The main thing we hear is that women don't get orgasm or men don't care about women's orgasm. That's not exactly true, men want to give women orgasm. They think that if they just put in the effort, it will happen.

That's not how it works. What actually happens by this constant shaming that men don't care about orgasms of women, is that men think their whole worth as a partner is based on their ability to make a woman cum. Which inevitably lead to men just using sex for validation of their attractiveness.

Problem with this is, using men using sex for validation makes sex bad for both men and women. How good a sex is for women (like men) is based on how attractive they are to their partners.

A man who is taking validation of his attractiveness from a woman is deficient in something that is essential for a man to be attractive. Preselection and abundance. If he had a lot of women, would he care if a woman orgasms? Maybe but not for the bad reasons.

If a man has abundance, he will only put effort into a woman who he has genuine desire for. He will also be a high value man since there are lots of women who want him so his partner will be more attracted to him.

That's the difference between high value man and low value man putting effort into a woman's pleasure. High value man does it because he has a genuine desire for this woman, low value man does it because he wants her to like him. HVM is selfish because he had innate desire for this woman and he doesn't particularly care that she comes, LVM is looking for validation so he desperately wants her to come.

Instead of telling men to put effort into orgasm of women, we need to tell them to actually get attractive and gain abundance so that they don't need validation from a woman of their attractiveness.

Then they just need to look for women who they have genuine desire for. That's how we make sex good for women. Because when men actually become attractive, and have abundance, the genuine desire doesn't come easy. Sure sex is good, but real good sex comes with that desire.

Shaming men, talking about orgasm gap etc makes men want to make women orgasm, but for bad reasons. Not because they like these women, but because they are supposed to do it and if they are not they are bad.

It's okay to be selfish lover, women want men to be selfish, they just want men to want to desire women for selfish reasons. Not as a bid to make women like them or win them over or because it's their duty.