What to do when everyone around me is getting action but not me

epimpstyle · 2026-08-09T13:05:18+00:00

At first, it seems like you just want to get a girlfriend. But then you start comparing yourself to other guys, and instead of focusing on finding a girl, you start chasing muscles, wishing you were taller, and trying to outshine everyone else... completely missing the point.

You swallowed the bait set by all these modern dating coaches, they invent a problem and then sell you the solution to the very problem they created.

You'd be much better off writing down on a piece of paper what's actually holding you back when you see a girl on the street. Think back to the last 5 -10 times this happened, and you'll notice a pattern repeating every single time... focus on removing that one obstacle, and you're good to go.

I'm willing to work on myself

Of course, go for it! You'll be working on yourself your entire life, but while you do, make sure you're living too... Don't waste all your time just working on yourself thinking that in a few years you'll finally say "alright, now I'm ready!"... because that day will never come.

HomelessMilkman · 2026-08-09T15:59:05+00:00

You can only compare yourself to who you were yesterday, and you're either moving in the right direction or not.

What wastes time is 'spinning your wheels', walking around the periphery of the problem. For every step forward, there are ten steps sideways avoiding confronting the core since that's what's raw and uncomfortable.

The core being that you may be behind, but you can't be carrying that baggage forward meeting new people. The main thing is to work on being calm, relaxed, composed, following the domino chain to being fun, charismatic, engaging around women.

Each interaction should be a fresh, neutral start. It shouldn't make any difference what happened 10 minutes ago or however long in the past. In plenty of instances, guys walk in defeated before it's started and that distinctly is why you don't get given a chance.

shinbreaker · 2026-08-09T16:45:59+00:00

First off, remember, "comparison is the thief of joy."

Second, try to recognize why they're doing well with women. For example, back more than 20 years ago when i was working in retail, there are these two dudes who just had it all when it came to women. Like literally, they had women so obsessed with them that they had one chick who was like the "house whore" for them who cleaned the place as well as was there for them for sex and she was there like everyday. But they were about 6'1" white guys with a bit of a southern accent who were living in South Texas where it's a bunch of Mexican women used to other short Mexican dudes and white women who didn't come across that many white dudes in the city, so these guys just had their pick of whoever and they crushed it constantly.

So why would I, a chubby Latino that's inches shorter than them, try to compare what I can do versus them? That's just pointless. That's like being mad that Lebron James can score more points in a basketball game than I would in the same game.

The point is that if you have some negatives, then you do what you can to conceal the negatives and accentuate the positives. Improve your looks by developing your own style, improving your skincare routine, go to a hair stylist and ask for what looks best, and of course, hitting the gym. Then improve your personality. Develop your hobbies, try to be more informed so you can talk about anything, try to be funnier, and go out and have some experiences.

Then once you do that for even just six months, totally revamp your dating profile like starting from scratch, focus on matching with people who you would think would date you and don't go for people that are just completely out of your league, and improve your chances to get on dates, which will in turn you more experience so you can go on even more dates.

snappop69 · 2026-08-09T18:15:03+00:00

Continue the process of self improvement. If your gym routine isn’t working, then seek out advice of a trainer and change your approach. If your online profile isn’t getting matches then get some better pictures and change your profile.

Lots of lonely women out there wanting a boyfriend. Don’t give up.

shinebrightmister · 2026-08-09T13:39:29+00:00

Do everything you can to make yourself as hot as possible. Keep gyming. Style max. Look edgier. Fix your hairline and hairstyle. Get lean af.

Dating as a below average looking guy is hell mode. The guys who do the best without being the hottest at least look average and use status to gain an edge.

Having elite level game is also unrealistic for most guys. Highest ROI is getting hot.

Extreme-Bid-5989 · 2026-08-09T14:34:05+00:00

You should watch David Snyder focusing on creating a very strong and attractive identity and mindset. It’ll change your life completely.

Watch David Snyder speed attraction playlist.

herbdean00 · 2026-08-09T13:50:42+00:00

Get into cold approach. Go on tik tok and watch how others do it.

MaidenKing777 · 2026-08-09T13:10:32+00:00

Yeah you're probably right but at this point I have accepted that I won't grow taller or my face would still be the same with minor improvements so I'm not chasing that.

But tbh I am chasing sexual encounters because I don't think I could control having fun at my age before I grow older and with more responsibilities

Jason__Hardon · 2026-08-09T18:59:47+00:00

Hit the gym read a book

SignificanceOk1139 · 2026-08-10T07:55:00+00:00

In my experience , just getting with the first couple of girls will sort you out The first 2-3 girls you are with , you figure out patterns and the way it works , everything you've read and watched slowly comes together peice by piece

After that it's all a matter of time and circumstance But you've got to put yourself out there , there is no other way

plz_callme_swarley · 2026-08-09T17:08:13+00:00

so many fucking posts in this sub are like this. just so much "woe is me" bullshit. dudes out here crying on their keyboard acting like the answers are some sort of mystery.

it's pretty simple:

get desirable
get confident
put shots on goal

that's literally the whole thing

heytherefreeman · 2026-08-09T16:32:09+00:00

What's your PSL? Gym gains also take time and for a lot people a few months is not enough to see visible gains. Now you can also start cold approaching and practicing these approaches 5-10 times per day when you have free time to build more confidence and to get lays and/or find a gf.

Are you on dating apps too? How is it going there for you?

Also, if you are severely recessed (chin) or have some obvious facial imperfections, they might be holding you back too from good dating experiences in life. For that, you will have to save $, and hardmaxx in order to ascend, but gym is a good start to get lean.

kylel95 · 2026-08-09T15:55:04+00:00

Watch these videos for inspo: https://youtu.be/N2iS4A7XI7M?is=vU2qkzNttgoXGIBI

TuxedoPinata · 2026-08-10T04:31:59+00:00

The biggest thing is what to NOT do:

Do not let this shame manifest and make you feel unworthy. This shit is traumatic and can destroy your chances of getting there. Think of it like the start of a vicious cycle that you are in the very beginning of.

Remarkable-North-994 · 2026-08-10T05:57:24+00:00

I have exactly the same issue!!

Title	What to do when everyone around me is getting action but not me
Author	MaidenKing777
Upvotes	78
Comments	39
Date	August 9, 2026 12:44 PM UTC (2 days ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1vjoz0b/what_to_do_when_everyone_around_me_is_getting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-to-do-when-everyone-around-me-is-getting.1632459 https://theredarchive.com/post/1632459

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