Preparing to get back into dating

divination__ · 2020-08-25T22:48:14+00:00

if your last relationship was with a narc, and you haven't already been to therapy/can't afford therapy, please read up as much as possible on narcissism. read 'why does he do that' by lundy bancroft (available for free as a pdf i think), and look up dr ramani on youtube and watch as many of her videos as possible, especially her series on the type of people who are vulnerable to narcissists, so you can work on your weak points and insecurities and avoid narcs forever.

2020-08-25T23:04:05+00:00

I think many people here would actually heavily discourage you from dating given that we are experiencing a global pandemic, with no vaccine readily available.

I personally was trying to date during my city's lockdown but I've largely given up because most people using online dating fight now are quite mediocre (they don't care about social distancing, they view the apps as easier than meeting in person cause they are too lazy/scared to introduce themselves in the moment, only want to exchange nudes, etc).

Like another person said, just focus on yourself first and foremost. Narcissists create trauma that IMO can last a lifetime. Now is not the time to date if you are feeling particularly vulnerable to what your ex did. His kind are out in droves on the dating scene atm, taking advantage of the societal climate (ex: domestic violence cases rising because people are in lockdown and victims or abuse are finding it harder or impossible to leave). And I realize this sounds gloomy, but I'm actually a rather optimistic person. This is just sadly the current reality for dating across the board, it seems. 🤷‍♀️

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-25T22:14:04+00:00

Don't forget to check out our handbook for books and YouTube channels that we recommend!

2020-08-26T01:28:19+00:00

Don’t be in such a hurry to rush back in. You’re 25, it’s a time to get knowing yourself. There is no “wall” and your time is not running out as a woman.

r/raisedbynarcissits r/narcissisticabuse r/codependency

Book: codependent no more

The issue is not identifying them and trying to work around them, it’s making yourself bulletproof by focusing your energy and thoughts to yourself. Ironically you must be more self interested.

Do not go to YouTube psychologists like Dr Ramani, most are so out of touch with humanity you will only be seeing everyone as a narcissist/psychopath.

Remember that it’s human nature to be narcissistic. It’s lower level primitive human, people who CHOOSE to be a higher self are those who work on self awareness and empathy. Narcissism is immaturity, we’ve all been there; narcissistic personality disorder is when they’ve never grown up.

We all narcissistic as long as we have a self identity/ego, it’s fine. You will see it in everyone so don’t panic, narcissistic personality disorder is what you want to run from.

In short good on you for working on yourself. Find some hobbies and work on self care instead of dating.

2020-08-26T02:11:42+00:00

Same as me. Break up with a sociopath narcissist a year ago. Attempted 2 dates since. Hated it. My advice is actually to not online date. Just because I’ve had zero success personally and been on like 100 dates easily the last 4 years.

jenneschguet · 2020-08-26T02:45:05+00:00

I recommend Melanie Tonia Evans.

Also, if you think every one you meet is a narcissist, it’s ok, 1 in 10 people are suspected of having some kind of personality disorder.

When I started dating after my narc/sociopath bf (I’ll never know which he was) I found red flags everywhere, yet my girlfriends were telling me I was too picky, and to give these guys another chance. Hell no! Don’t ever doubt yourself! It’s ok to go through hundreds of profiles, to get to one you actually think is ok.

Point is, as Melanie Tonia Evans states, you don’t have to worry about narcissists if you hold true to your boundaries; you’ll naturally dismiss them.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-08-25T23:18:44+00:00

Deborrah Cooper on youtube. She is hilarious and takes no shit! She will get your head straight.

https://www.youtube.com/c/DeborrahCooper

curlygirl507 · 2020-08-25T23:59:43+00:00

I found this guy extremely helpful when I got out of an abusive relationship: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYotx7-zHSpnE1-CpXpHF6Q

textbasedpanda · 2020-08-26T00:40:56+00:00

Online dating seems to have become the norm now. In my city OkCupid and Hinge are the most popular apps. There's not many options for IRL dates at the moment though, but I assume this will improve as COVID restrictions are lessened.

Check out r/raisedbynarcissists and r/NarcissisticAbuse for techniques and stories from other people in the same situation as you. There's a whole lot of information there.

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