New LTR wants to go to a brunch with her ex

FrameWalker · 2015-01-19T15:48:57+00:00

Simple solution. You tell her:

"When you are done hanging out with your ex you can give me a call and if I'm still single we can hang out."

Her hanging out with her ex is a slap in your face and you need her to earn your commitment.

stillnoturday · 2015-01-19T15:46:00+00:00

It's over. Next and go back to spinning this one was never meant to be LTR she is still hung up on her ex.

1NV0K3R · 2015-01-19T15:39:45+00:00

Break down time.

new LTR that I've got going for a month was with her ex bf for three years.

She still has emotional ties.

She was genereally a really good girl.

Inb4 she won't do things with you she did with her ex-bf

she was very insecure because some of my older plates and even one ex shot me a few messages and she knew.

This is good. Passive dread game.

But a week ago she started texting with her old bf again

Oh the counter-attack. So you should immediately shut this down right?

Since Ive stopped texting with my old plates I told her she should stop that shit aswell.

I wouldn't call this beta depending on how you handled/phrased it. You see her talking to ex bf, that just means you can ignore her bullshit about your plates/ex gf because MUH EQUALITY.

Cue her saying that "hes still an important person for her"

"Well my older plates and ex gf's vaginas are still important things to me."

Brothers how should I proceed? First LTR since swallowing the pill 2 years ago. Should I dread her? Distance myself a bit?

Let her go to the brunch. Don't talk to her during it. Immerse yourself in your life. Go do fun shit. Talk to other girls(I'm not saying cheat). Let her know that this little stunt means jack all to you and you can 100% replace her whenever you want to.

I guarantee you she'll either 1) hop on her ex-bf's dick(which means she's not worth your time anyway) or 2) become your submissive little sex poppet.

plasticslug · 2015-01-19T17:09:44+00:00

Bullshit reason to see each other again and bullshit excuse to follow through with it.

This is garbage, there is absolutely no reason for you to go through with this, seriously what good could come of it? Maybe gently remind her how she did not like your plates hovering around.

I agree with others if you act like a whiny beta bitch it will come back to haunt you, yet this is opening a door for more bullshit reasons to hang out with her ex...

Let her do it, bump her down to plate status, mentally prepare yourself that she may fuck him and obviously already talking to him (or fucking him) because this brunch date had to be initiated some how. Continue to have your way with her in bed, but mentally/emotionally check the fuck out.

ArchetypalSage · 2015-01-19T18:59:23+00:00

Next or downgrade to plate status. Anything else and you might as well post this on r/relationships

Archwinger · 2015-01-19T21:18:17+00:00

Your new girlfriend is intentionally slighting you. Committed women don't text their ex-boyfriend, remember that brunch coupon they never used, and decide to go on a date. You know, for old times' sake. Because they're still important people to each other.

You know that. We know that. She knows that.

Your relationship is over, whether she goes or not. It's over because she disrespects you enough to ask. Even if she doesn't cheat or plan to. It's still intentionally disrespectful.

She's telling you exactly where you stand by asking.

If, and only if, she doesn't go, maybe you can let her be a plate. But women who are girlfriend material know better than to pull this shit.

TattedGuyser · 2015-01-19T17:22:09+00:00

I fully expect your story next week to be "PLATE went to brunch with her ex"

gt35r · 2015-01-19T20:13:26+00:00

OP take the advice here, it's the same advice I wish I had when my LTR (actual LTR of 5 years) did the same shit. It was different if I ever tried to do this but it was more than ok if she requested I let her go. Guess what I did, and I don't know what happened but I'd rather just not find out. Fuck this shit, set your boundaries and hold that frame.

BlackHeart89 · 2015-01-19T21:09:12+00:00

No dread game bro. This is full on cut her loose. He's a 3 year ex and the break up was relatively recent. Too powerful. Either consider her a plate and start spinning or cut her off.

But if you're determined to give her a shot, give her a chance to fuck up. Tell her straight up that, you're not okay with her still talking to this dude. If she insists, hold frame and tell that if she isn't over the dude, is cool, but you aren't sticking around. Then tell her to bounce.

She'll either go on to see the dude or she'll comply with your demands. If she does the former, then go no contact on her. Not as a form of punishment, but to save yourself from wasting time. If you decide to continue talking to her, she is nothing more than plate material. And don't expect it to last long.

But if you have plates already on deck, then fuck it. I wouldn't even spin her as a plate. Instant next.

toysjoe · 2015-01-19T19:26:55+00:00

Don't permit or deny. Tell her to do what she wants. Just know that if she goes, she's getting dropped.

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-01-19T21:52:53+00:00

Firstly, one month does not an LTR make. She is/should be a plate in rotation that can, with good behavior, move up to FWB in a few months.

ConfidenceMatters · 2015-01-19T23:46:58+00:00

Don't be a cuckold fag dropping all your plates for a hoe hung up on her ex. That was your first mistake.

Demote her to plate until she earns it (she probably never will) and spin spin spin.

RunawayGrain · 2015-01-19T19:23:34+00:00

"hes still an important person for her"

The proper reply is: "Since he is more important to you than I am, I'll be on my way."

Masonjarteadrinker2 · 2015-01-19T22:01:29+00:00

Damn her heart is still with the other dude, I say you next her brother, I know it's easier said than done but I think that's inexcusable behavior.

Holden_Frame · 2015-01-19T19:38:40+00:00

I don't really get the difference between dumping this girl for going out with her ex and "mate guarding" behavior.

Wouldn't a true RP alpha say "go for it, I know you'll be back - and if not... So?"

Saying "if you have lunch with your ex I'm out" sounds like butt hurt behavior and is likely to lead to problems down the line as she'll see you as an insecure mate guarding beta.

DeadHeadFred_ · 2015-01-19T20:46:59+00:00

Thanks for all the responses guys. Thought about nexting her aswell but I wanted to try to turn this one around first since Ive grown a bit tired of the plate business and wanted to have a serious relationship with a women again. Ive known the guy for some time and hes a giant beta bucks. So I guess its the doormat she misses that did everything for her. I know for a fact that they didnt have sex at all the last couple of months since there was no physical attraction anymore, its just the emotional ties she still has. Guess it really is time to check out if that kind of behaviour shows this early in the relationship. Back to the plates it is then

minuscipher · 2015-01-19T20:52:01+00:00

Next her. She's obviously not over him; that or you're not doing it for her. IMO it's too late to step up your game. "A woman's loyalty is as strong as her interest."

RRBeachFG2 · 2015-01-19T22:18:22+00:00

They don't still have shit, I would take the coupon for yourself haha

bsutansalt · 2015-01-20T05:58:59+00:00

new LTR that I've got going for a month

THAT IS NOT AN LTR!

Now on to the real tough love:

She was genereally a really good girl

http://therationalmale.com/2011/11/10/good-girls-do/

Now since I'm in a LTR now and cheating isnt an option for me I shot them down.

In other words now you're committed and she's lost attraction/interest. I don't know if this has always been the case with women, but these day's it's just the way it is. The moment you commit, many women just up and lose interest.

But a week ago she started texting with her old bf again and they rememered that they still had a 100€ coupon for a brunch and they still wanted to go.

And there it is. She's already planting the seeds of discontent. You need to hold firm and have standards and expectations, and more importantly make it clear what happens when she fails to measure up. More importantly, you need to stick to your guns!

She set you up for a huge relationship shit test and you failed by not calling her out on her shit and sticking to it.

"hes still an important person for her"

The only response in my tool box for bullshit like that is "So what?" or "Tough shit!" If I don't get to fuck my old flames and fuck buddies, then she doesn't get to have their validation and attention.

Title	New LTR wants to go to a brunch with her ex
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	41
Date	January 19, 2015 3:30 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2sxwe4/new_ltr_wants_to_go_to_a_brunch_with_her_ex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/new-ltr-wants-to-go-to-a-brunch-with-her-ex.192410 https://theredarchive.com/post/192410

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