Right tools for the right job.

In my experiences, I've found each to have their place, and not interchangeably so.

Agree and Amplify

When someone is being absurd, or caught up in the moment (read: emotional). If you're having a conversation, and the other persons logic is completely out of whack, this is when you would use it. When someone is emoting something reasonable? this is not the time to use it, because it comes across as a child-like version of amused mastery, minus the mastery. You sound like the petulant teenager. It takes a bit of work, but understanding when a conversation is open (exchanging information) and closed (a fight to own the frame or recieve validation) is the key here. A bare bones introduction to the concept, so you can better visualize.

It's that cold glass of water in someones face flying off the handle. And if they don't snap out of it, at least it's entertaining. It's a devil-may-care attitude towards lunacy. The other person will either punch themselves out, and calm the fuck down; or, come to terms with being an irrational person, and calm the fuck down.

Either way, at some point, they will calm the fuck down.

Anything outside your frame is either amusing, intriguing, or funny.

Fogging

Acknowledge the other persons frame, but do not engage or accept it. I found this most useful when the other person isn't pulling any closed conversation methods, but applying a fishhook, to see what they can reel in. It's not about you here, it's the other person emoting, and theres really nothing for you to 'fix' here, nothing to 'win'. It's bait, to bring your emotional level into theirs. I'm mad, therefore you should be mad. I'm hurt, therefore I want you to hurt etc.

I don't use this one often, it's most useful to me when I can tell the ol lady is picking a fight, or venting frustrations. It's a trap I used to fall into, still do from time to time. When someone is venting a frustration, we can take it personally, want to fight back, defend out territory, lay out devils advocate. At least for your women, they don't care, they don't think like that, and they don't want to hear someone dismissive of their feelings. Remember, for a woman, her feelings are the barometer of truth. Acknowledge them, then guide her to where you should be anyways. Let the hamster work for you.

My goto? Just acknowledge. "K", "I get that", "well when you put it that way". Any number of neutral statements. Sometimes, she catches onto what I'm doing, says something like "But you're going to do it anyways, aren't you?" which I will agree. You are the singing and dancing automated email response from tech-support.

We have received your email and hold it in the highest regard, someone will get back to you shortly. Thank you for your feedback -- The Microsoft Team

Anything outside your frame is either amusing, intriguing, or funny.

Amused Mastery -

As if you're floating above all the rabble, amused at the childs tea party. I've found the most use of this when you're being second guessed. example

Background example

this is when Canada engaged the war measures act. French terrorists were kidnapping elected officials, and the military was brought in. Reporters were squeamish, and he spend a few minutes articulating his stance on the issue. At the linked point, you can tel he was getting annoyed that the guy kept coming at him, and the famous "Just watch me" line. To make this perfect amused mastery, I would have added a shit eating grin, and just left it there for the reporter to stew on, but it makes the point. I suggest a rewind to watch the whole thing if you have 7 minutes. Keep in mind the context. This is the first and only time we've ever put military boots on the ground for civil unrest, not a light hearted manner, and our PM is simply tired of having bleeding hearts queasy at him making the hard choices.

If you boil it down to it's core, it's amusing ones self at the other parties attempt to punch above their weight. It's the manifestation of confidence to the outside worlds reluctance to be on board with that confidence. It's you, just knowing better. This one can be the hardest to internalize, because it's the accumulation of

  • Irrational confidence
  • Competence (OWS, get to work)
  • Building on previous successes
  • Acknowledgement that you absorb all the consequences for your own actions, so you bear all the authority in making them

Another way to think of it... "Just watch me"

Anything outside your frame is either amusing, intriguing, or funny.