Mourning pain anger help

pikadildo · 2017-07-05T14:05:29+00:00

I haven't been through an abortion but we did have a miscarriage. Be sure to take time for yourself to grieve and find someone you can talk to. A grief counselor or someone professional. It's possible the clinic can recommend conselors with experience in this but I don't know.

Back then I felt like I had to bottle it all up (none of our family knew about the pregnancy--it happened right as we were getting ready to announce) and my wife demanded that we tell no one. But it was also impossible to talk to her about how I felt because she was a mess.

I carried that with me far too long. Don't do that.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-07-05T15:43:38+00:00

Well, nothing you can do now, you got a nice dose of AWALT. Tougher lesson than most, but she is doing you a favour. Now you're 100% aware of the rules of the game. All women are like this, this one was just blatant.

If you can look her in the eye, and you both discussed this, it may be worth going back to normalcy (only you know if the rest of her was worth a damn)

If you can't, or it was her unilateral choice, without concern for you... Then it's only going to get worse, I don't see whats to be gained from someone who doesn't consider you in major family decisions.

As for coping, you don't have a choice, best to get on with it. Do what you gotta do, life won't wait around for some magic to fix ya

Scurvemuch · 2017-07-05T13:52:08+00:00

I understand the pain quite well.

At the end of the day it SUCKS. and I don't think you will be able to continue a relationship with her.

Did you tell her how you feel about it?

Is the problem that its YOUR child, YOUR CHILD with HER or both?

Does she know you wanted a kid??

At the end of the day, I would say that unless you guys had discussed it pre conception, as much as it hurts, she is actually doing something with "her body" because she did not / does not know you wanted something else.

coluorred · 2017-07-05T15:03:12+00:00

Hey brother if you want to cry go ahead, as it's a healthy expression of grief. That tells me you did want to be a father.

I lost my first baby, my only son, and it does hurt. In the hospital, the doctors removed the fetal heart rate monitor from my wife, which was a sign that it just didn't matter to them, as he was going to pass anyway. He was born alive but premature and too young for the neonatal intensive care unit.

Basically he was born and brought to us with no further medical assistance. His time with us was short, and he passed away in my hands. That was the first time I cried as an adult.

I had closure with this by having a funeral and counseling. My advice for you is to talk with someone in real life about this.

MMABouncer · 2017-07-05T13:54:47+00:00

You have to keep in mind that your LTR did this to you. This woman is not a keeper. She's disposing of the life of YOUR child, that you want. You need to leave this woman asap. She's toxic, and this will go sour very quickly.

QuickieStart · 2017-07-05T14:23:09+00:00

I agree with all the recommendations to seek counseling. I suggest contacting a local Pregnancy Care Center.

Ou-tis · 2017-07-09T11:00:22+00:00

To me is an unnegotiable boundary,if I want child and the woman have an abortion I dump her without regrets. You have to live your life,not her life.

FireTempered · 2017-07-05T12:55:17+00:00

You better next this one.

Coach-Red-Pill · 2017-07-06T05:34:32+00:00

If your LTR is aborting your child, dump her and find someone else.

Your current woman does not want to have your child. The reason could be anything—from not wanting to carry your seed, to being brainwashed by Left-wing bullshit—in the end, the specific reason does not matter: She does not want to carry your child.

If a woman does not want to carry your child, then what exactly is the point of being with her?

nonnimoose · 2017-07-05T14:43:09+00:00

How long has she been your LTR? Had you two ever had a discussion about what you would do in case of a pregnancy? What type of birth control were you using? Was the Plan B pill not an option?

If you were using reliable birth control, it may help to understand that for many people abortion is simply the back-up plan for when reliable birth control fails AND Plan B could not have been used because the time of conception wasn't known. (I just want to emphasize that Plan B is NOT abortion.) The only 100% effective birth control is abstinence from PIV sex.

You may not agree with abortion as birth control back-up. If you don't, then you need to communicate your feelings about it before ever having PIV sex.

If you were not using reliable birth control (including understanding Plan B) but did not intend for pregnancy to occur, please grow up.

ShawnCCMA · 2017-07-05T19:01:20+00:00

Next.

Persaeus · 2017-07-05T14:34:09+00:00

i don't honestly get this post. i have had two of mine aborted back in the day, and wife miscarried first. i don't understand getting this emotionally invested in someone that doesn't exist (leaving aside the sanctity of life bit . . . lol).

if she did not want the child bad enough to abort; then you dodged a bullet because you don't get the same choices she does.

as far as how to cope? get the fuck over it. mourn for a day if you want. then pick up the iron and move on down the road. if you want to maintain a relationship with this woman; best to get over it right now and present a strong stoic frame. sounds to me though like you may incompatible visions/views in which case; NEXT quickly and move on.

ddin73 · 2017-07-05T10:49:26+00:00

I went through this a few years ago. You'll need therapy to get over it fully. It will get easier over time and the situation being out of your control will help.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-07-07T16:07:54+00:00

Decades ago my ex-GF called me up 6 months after I had last seen her to tell me she was pregnant. I told her she was full of shit and then agreed to meet her at a clinic to confirm the pregnancy. The SECOND she got out of the car I almost fell over. She was easily 6 months pregnant and it was really, really obvious.

"Are you fucking serious?" I asked. "Its to late to get an abortion."

She replied: "Fuck you I am not having no fucking kid. Are you going to marry me."

"Umm, no, but you can't kill that baby."

"Its not your choice" she advised and then turned her back on me and walked into the clinic.

Five days later she had a late turn abortion of my 26 week old fully formed baby.

This was more than 30 years ago and I still think about whether I could have contacted her and tried harder to talk her out of it almost every day. I doubt that helps.

screechhater · 2017-07-06T11:06:06+00:00

You need to talk to someone and grieve.

Please look into what all the others are stating here in all forms of info. It fucking stings, but reality is what it is

As we go through life, we makes choices that effect us in many ways. My heart goes out to you, as someone that was in your shoes, but realize there might be a silver lining.

Did you discuss this procedure in depth ? How was the final decision made ? All the info adds up and with reading of the sidebar, your realization will come to what this chapter in your life means

Title	Mourning pain anger help
Author	razorazo
Upvotes	17
Comments	70
Date	July 5, 2017 10:28 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6ld7bo/mourning_pain_anger_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/mourning-pain-anger-help.198670 https://theredarchive.com/post/198670

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