Captain Rambo

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June 19, 2017

First post.

I've been reading, lurking and commenting here for about two years now. Typical drunk captain after a motorcycle wreck, eating, drinking too much.pain, no gym. Fat on the couch, no motivation. Weird thing... the sex dried up! Found this place. Devoured the site. And, like most went all RAMBO and tried to fix 4 years of being a miserable fuck in a week. She moved out. I became a man on a mission to return to the great guy I was.

If you're here, I hope you know of the Captain/first mate relationship dynamic. To adequately pilot a ship, someone has to be Captain. As a man, thats YOUR job. You can listen to suggestions if you have a proven first mate, but the ultimate decision is up to you. You can't co-captain a relationship any more than a ship.

So, your boat is chugging along nicely, why not go down to the cabin for a few drinks?. The first mate is capable at the wheel for a few hours. Damn it's nice down here. Big screen, lots of snacks. Can't even hear the kids. You start getting more and more comfortable, letting the responsibilities of life slip away and not really caring where the ship is headed.

The first mate never wanted to be captain. That's why she chose you all those years ago. She resents how she has to pick up your slack, resents how you felt somehow ok just being a couch potato all day, resents how your mutual hopes and plans have somehow faded away without a whimper.

You've become a fat, lazy, whiny drunk. She sees you as one of her children, just another need she needs to fufill. No respect, no sex. You're just not an attractive person. So she gives up. Finally stops the boat and jumps ship into her own little life raft. You're still tied together by this long line, 1000 feet of rope coiled between you, but you're essentially on separate vessels.

As you awaken from your stupor, hangover pounding, you realize the engines are silent. You are alone. But nobody delivered breakfast! You come up on deck. Dead in the water. First mate nowhere to be found. You're drifting towards the rocks.

You have to do something. Where are the damn keys? Ok, started. Choose a direction leading away from the rocks, apply a little gas.

If you freak out and push the throttles to their stops, the propwash will rock the life raft, and the first mate will get up and grab the keys away. Rightly so, you've been a fuckup for years, why should she suddenly start trusting you, Captain Rambo? Your balls haven't grown back yet, so you'll let her retain control. Back to your rum.

You have to ease it away, slowly, gradually picking up speed. Be gentle. Don't tell the fucking first mate anything. She won't believe you anyway.

As you continue to get up on plane, speed rising, you start to realize how cool it is to be captain of your own vessel again. You're enjoying life again. Holy shit! I don't need a first mate at all!

The first mate has been left behind, still slowly drifting towards the shore. The 1000 feet of rope is paying out, faster and faster. She hasn't noticed any difference from her perspective.

Eventually the rope gets taut, starts to tug. By this point you're so far ahead, jumping wakes, enjoying your cruise, that whether she comes along for a fun ride or not is up to her. You've rediscovered your passion, your drive. You are outcome independent.

She may accept you as her new captain and decide to come along, or not believe you and simply cut the line. Either way you'll keep on doing what you choose to do as captain of your own ship. You can even cut the line yourself if the drag gets too bad.

But be very aware of the 1000 foot distance between you. It takes a long time for something on the end of such a long lead to respond to changes at the front.

Post Information
Title Captain Rambo
Author Triadis3
Upvotes 56
Comments 37
Date 19 June 2017 07:17 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit MarriedRedPill
Original Link
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[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED21 points22 points  (7 children) | Copy

Oh shit are you the 1000 foot rope guy? Love this analogy and I have used it. Didn't realize it was never posted here. Did some research and saw you had posted it in /u/atlhart 's She doesn't know the rules have changed. Guess I assumed it was some old MRP lore. Either way, it stuck with me. Great to see a post about it. Thanks for sharing.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Looking back though my history I've been using the analogy for about 10 months now.

I hope it'll turn onto lore.

[–]thunderbeyond4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah seconded. I really like the analogy. While I don't want to preach MRP to mates I know in similar shitty situations, I use this as a way of making them think about things.

[–]over60_stupid_loner points points [recovered] | Copy

tow rope was my original posts here

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good to meet you, I have read a lot of your stuff. That's probably where I saw it. Or here, here, or here. Either way, it all came from there.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Credit due.

[–]DJVendetta points points [recovered] | Copy

I'm in this situation now. Sex dried up, she started to lose respect and we argued more etc etc. She's away for 3 months (back home for summer) and said she she wants a break as she doesn't think it will work, but we can talk when she's back if things go well.

I'm doing the right thing by not contacting her and working on myself right? At some point my thoughts and feelings for her will slide to the back of my mind and I'll be in a position where I'm happier with myself and will be more outcome independent.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (24 children) | Copy

No a whole lot of specific info here.

In general, a break means she's already broken the relationship with you. Whether biblically or mentally, does it really matter?

So, give her all the "break" she wants. And More. Use that time to work on yourself. Go fuck some random chicks.

Don't contact her first. Think really hard whether you should contact her at all. Read about oneitis and rooting through the garbage...i.e. taking an ex back. Very weak behaviour, and she knows this.

To get over a girl, get under ten other girls.

Your job is to captain your own ship.

[–]DJVendetta points points [recovered] | Copy

Okay, so she told me she loved me after 4 months of being together (in Feb) then the relationship quickly went downhill. She blamed depression (she's on the pill) for her lack of sex drive, but we were fucking like rabbits in the early stages. I nuked the relationship because of this and she said she loved me, wants to be with me etc etc. After this, the shit tests got stronger and we started arguing about little things - she lost respect.

So around 6 weeks ago after she had been acting like a child not wanting to see me and not communicating why, she said she needs space. I agreed that we both need a bit more space but she carried on being distant and a month ago brought it up again, we had a long talk about things and for 3 weeks after this we were 'happy'. I was away for a week and she kept calling and messaging me, then out of the blue she starts ignoring me again and brings up the break. I hamster like mad for 2 weeks and try to get some understanding of why and how we're going to proceed but her mind doesn't change. She says she's not thinking about or planning to see anyone else, that she needs the break to think about us - she hasn't been happy and understandably so, I need to get my shit together.

We haven't talked for 9 days now, I don't think it's getting easier yet as I want to see how she's doing and tell her that she needs to know how she feels in a few weeks or I'm leaving. I did play the 'I want to move on' card last week and she didn't like it at all, she started hamstering as she wants me as an option. Right now I'm too emotionally invested and I'm approaching the anger phase.

So you think the best thing to do is move on, try to forget about her and apply hard dread? She keeps looking at my snapchat stories but I have no indication as to what she's doing with her life.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (17 children) | Copy

Four months is a really short time for her to catch "love". 4 months is a really short relationship. You sound really over invested in what could easily be a summer fling. Because of this, I think you're on the younger side.

She's waffling between with you and without you. Why would you want to be with a girl that's not sure if she ever wants to see you again and has shut down access to sex?

There's a lot of red flags here. I think she's fucking someone else.

Don't contact her first. Don't contact her to "see how she's doing". Don't give her the ultamatim of you need to know how she feels or you're leaving. You are listening to what she SAYS, not her actions. She's already on a break with you. What she didn't say was "break up". But it's what she's doing. She's grooming you for beta orbiter status. You seem a little codependant.

Move on. Block her from everything. I don't get the "hard dread" reference. She ceases to exist for you. It's over. Even if you could get back with her, would you want to? Continue this same codependant spiral with no sex? Hell no. Go find someone who likes to fuck you and wants to be with you. You owe that to yourself. Right now you're living within her frame for absolutely no reason. Just look back at your post... it's all about her, nothing about you.

This relationship is over.

[–]DJVendetta points points [recovered] | Copy

I completely understand what you're saying. But I agree with her when she says we need a break. I can't focus on myself and motivate myself to lift etc if we're seeing eachother all the time and she's dragging me down. We can't physically see eachother for 3 months, that's what prompted her to ask for this break. I told her that I knew she would be going back home so it wasn't really a problem for me.

She's in my university class so we will be seeing eachother regularly for the next 2 years. The thing is... I KNOW how I need to proceed if I want this to work. I'm lifting and adjusting my mentality so that I never slip into the beta mindset again. That's why I think it's worth 'fixing'. She will see me in September and be attracted to me, regardless of her 'feelings'. After all, I am/will be the prize right?

I'm not ruling out seeing other women, I actually want to, I have a high sex drive but I'm underweight and insecure about it so my main goal is to fix that. That's why I feel like I can't really make any progress on the dating front just yet, and hence why I am 'waiting' for her. I don't think it's a case of abundance mentality or not, but rather a case of me getting my head straight and detaching myself from these overwhelming emotions. I don't like losing and it hurts my shitty little ego that this woman can disrespect me like this and not want me anymore. On one hand I understand it but on the other hand I can't quite understand the fluctuations in her behaviour. If attraction is lost then it can come back after a break if my SMV has risen, right?

Yes it is a case of oneitis but as I said I am not ruling out the possibility of seeing other women, I think it would be good for me. But I want to keep her as an option too.

I think it would be knee-jerk to block her on social media, and would send the same message to her as if I were to give her an ultimatum or something through text.

So... we agreed to talk next month. Do I wait for her to initiate? What do I do if she doesn't? Talk to her about it, or just block her at that point?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

Do I really need to recommend you drop her a third time?

If for nothing else, you need the time to absorb more tenants of the TRP/MRP philosophy because your entire self worth is currently tied up in this one girl who doesn't respect you.

You are under no obligation to keep your "agreed to talk in a month" date. She is not special in any way. You're on a break, remember. She has no obligations to you, and vice-versa. If you NEED to, send her a single text," This isn't working. " Then block her on everything.

She'll try everything to get you to respond/validate her. Don't. If you have to interact at university, treat her like a fellow student. Not cold, but not warm. Don't get drawn into conversations. Leave the area if you have to.

Stop rationalizing why this one girl is so important. It's over. Gather up the little scraps of self-esteem you have left and get out.

[–]dontbedenied6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Listen to this guy. He knows what he's talking about.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

truth brother

[–]rocknrollchuckMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, the Oneitis is strong with this one.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

all this thinking from a young man in college. i don't get it at all. you were already given all the advice you need

To get over a girl, get under ten other girls.

stop worrying about social media, whether to call her or not, fucking whatever.

i never burned bridges with plates. let her go, fuck some other bitches this summer. when she comes back, let her approach and then fuck your snowflake some more. who knows, if your cool, she might throw you one of her friends to bang. jesus fucking christ . . . this is not rocket science

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Jesus Christ what did I just read...

[–]Westernhagen4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

He was repeatedly told a week ago that she's banging other men and he should next her, but his hamster is still in overdrive that her asking for a "break" means something else.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why oh why don't I check post history BEFORE replying to lost causes.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

She's probably just finding a dick in herself for the summer but she'll definitely want him back once she figures it all out.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks... nose coffee on the keyboard.

[–]DJVendetta points points [recovered] | Copy

No need to be so crude about it. I know that it's PROBABLY the case but oneitis isn't something you can eradicate in a week or two.

I've already said I know I need to move on and work on myself, I'm just finding it difficult right now.

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't care about your feelings neither does she go read the sidebar, lift, and forget it.

[–]rocknrollchuckMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know that it's PROBABLY the case

Consider it the truth unless she can offer irrefutable evidence that she didn't have sex with someone else (FYI: there's no way for her to prove she didn't).

then the relationship quickly went downhill. She blamed depression (she's on the pill) for her lack of sex drive, but we were fucking like rabbits in the early stages. I nuked the relationship because of this and she said she loved me, wants to be with me etc etc. After this, the shit tests got stronger and we started arguing about little things - she lost respect.

Is this really how you want the rest of your life to be? Because it will be if you get back together with her. You need to read Rollo Tomassi's Rooting Through Garbage - read all the comments too.

[–]noeggfoyoufatboy1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"I can't focus on myself and motivate myself to lift etc if we're seeing eachother all the time and she's dragging me down."

So you are blaming her for you not being able to get your shit together? You need to take a hard look at yourself, maybe it's not time for you to be in a long term relationship. Looks like you're having trouble captaining your own boat alone, much less was someone else in it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy


the next female you are will will also loose attraction to you in like 2 months.

[–]stonepimpletilists points points [recovered] | Copy

Lol, I can't wait for your cry filled rant about her getting new dick while you were gone.

Aparently you need to learn this the hard way

[–]DJVendetta points points [recovered] | Copy

Yeah, apparently so.

But that doesn't mean I can't get new pussy either.

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude I'm sorry you got stuck with that flair, but maybe it's a good reminder

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Whoever is handing out the flair is downright hysterical!

[–]DJVendetta points points [recovered] | Copy

You guys are in here for a reason and you think it's funny that the woman I love is (probably) fucking other dudes?!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I do not think your woman being unfaithful is funny, and my comment was not only in regards to your flair.

[–]literaryhunter1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn, that was a really good write-up. Thanks for the share, love the analogies!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And once she's back on board make sure those "engines" are full thrusting at maximum horsepower.

[–]AustralianArm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So have you got her back by DEERing yet?

Or are you nexting?

[–]thegodfather760 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


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