It seems I've made a mistake, and I'll have to live with it, at least for some time.

I've read the side bar. I've improved. I'm probably more manly as I've ever been since my 20s, or ever, for that matter. Been lifting, got stronger, got in shape, got into hobbies (sailing, windsurfing, archery, hiking). Really started leading the family, like , really fucking leading. I had a plan, I delivered. We've had the most fantastic vacations ever since we are a family.

Yet - there's no change from her part. If anything, it's gotten worse. When I lost weight she was briefly frustrated by it, but not enough to follow. I got in shape, she still doesn't want me. I lead, she complains because I don't bring her everything on the plate.

It seems in the process of living my life I lost sexual interest for her. So sex has been "few and far between". And no, I don't initiate. Why? Because I don't like what's on the menu. She doesn't offer much. Would she offer more to /insert a manly man here/? I guess she would. But having had quite a few partners before, the menu really never was so boring.

But interestingly, a few days ago, she got really, really frustrated, asking me if "we are ever going to have sex in this life again". I just laughed. Really had a laugh of life. Coming from a woman who does nothing to fire a spark - she wears nothing but normal cotton undies, for fucks sake; and yes, I bought here some lingerie - I really could nothing but laugh. I still fucked her just to prevent her running around, but it did nothing to me.

Anyway, now.... winter is coming. Fuck winter. I'm fucking lost. I don't know how to live, let alone lead in fucking winter. There's only so much a family can do on cold, rainy days!?

And worse, lack of any positive feedback is bringing me down. I'm starting to fill everything is in vein, so why bother? I've started skipping my workout, which is ringing some alerts (right now I'm sick, so I can't stop posting and start lifting, which would be the right thing to do).

In any case, it seems as this one won't fly. I've tried. From this point on it's really just a question of what I'm doing for myself. Which hurts, I admit. No, I will not leave. I will provide my kids with one home, one family, even if it hurts me to do so. I'm also too stupid - or too well trained - to actually cheat.