Realationship is good but..

ChadwickChadington · 2018-09-09T06:24:51+00:00

If testing is something you gotta do, then set it up and keep it in the back of your mind and do it discretely and then never talk about it if it's your child.

However, I would suggest not being paranoid and fully enjoy and immerse yourself in your wife's pregnancy. The ultrasound, when done at a specific time in the first trimester, is pretty accurate predicting the due date.

But it's not accurate predicting date of conception. The zygote can float around before anchoring to the uterus, and the early development stages can happen quicker or slower. The 9 months is an average, there's a lot of variability.

Moreover, even if the date of conception was accurately estimated counting back from due-date (which it's not), sperm can hangout for up to about 5 days and fertilize an egg during ovulation that happens then. It get's less likely, but sperm have had a pretty big evolutionary pressure to do whatever it takes and they can pull through on occasion. (This is the main reason why tracking ovulation as birth control makes it less likely to get pregnant, but no where near as less likely as condoms; you can stop having sex a week before ovulation and a combination of great sperm and early eggs can result in conception a days later.)

Point is, time of conception is not something that can be estimated accurately, as lot's of variation in how fetuses develop, and on top of this the sex that resulted in the conception can also be days apart.

The story you describe has basically no statistical significance in decreasing the likelihood you're the father. So letting the off-chance get in the way of living, enjoying, supporting and preparing for the pregnancy, birth and fatherhood, is not a good thing. Becoming a parent (assuming this is your first child) is a very emotional experience and a very different head-space that men often don't think much about before it happens, and putting off getting into the headspace until the actual birth makes it a lot harder when suddenly there's a baby.

It is really a radical change in one's relationship, responsibilities and lifestyle and something much better to mentally prepare for than trying to minimize or ignore; there's a lot of ethical, practical, health, educational, questions and understanding that separate good fathers from non-involved or straight-up bad fathers. Fortunately, there's ton's of literature on essentially every aspect; during the pregnancy is possibly the only time you have energy to read up and get wise on all the issues. I would not suggest waiting to get a paternity test after the birth to start trying to become the best father you can be.

robertwservice1974 · 2018-09-09T03:02:58+00:00

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straius · 2018-09-09T05:56:57+00:00

Based on the info you provided, probably paranoid and insecure, but go ahead and get the test done so you can move on. Be smart about it and keep it to yourself.

CrypticRekon · 2018-09-09T02:24:59+00:00

I used a STK kit got it on Amazon, pretty fair and easy to do. Swab the cheek of the child and yours place in respective envelope and use their prepaid mailing envelope. They email you when they receive it, within 48 hours of them receiving I was able to log into their portal using the registration number on the kit and retrieve my results.

If you had sex with her during that frame, stick with the DNA test. I ran my hamster wheel back in the day counting dates and stressing shit all for nothing, child was mine. Assumed he was, but the peace of mind with the confirmation of the results was well worth the $100.

Good luck man

nantucketghost · 2018-09-09T04:17:59+00:00

Do you have a reason to think she may have cheated? Were you trying to have a child?

Sepean · 2018-09-09T06:46:59+00:00

The due date is based on the date she gave for her last period. If you get scans those will give a due date too, and if there’s a big discrepancy there might be something up. But don’t go nuts over a scan results, just get a test.

These days you can do genetic testing on the fetus by extracting DNA from a blood test from the mother, maybe they can do paternity on that too?

angels_fan · 2018-09-09T02:23:35+00:00

You're right to get a test. Not sure how best to go about it.

CalvinRichland · 2018-09-09T07:07:14+00:00

If you feel insecure there probably is a reason

JudgeDoom69 · 2018-09-09T16:34:00+00:00

You can get a DNA test off the shelf at Walmart for $24.99, and then there's a $139 lab fee when you mail it in. You get the results online.

LewisCross · 2018-09-10T21:23:12+00:00

If you have to get a DNA test, get one of those tests you can buy at a chain drugstore like Walgreens or Wal mart or CVS. They require DNA samples from child and putative father. Follow the directions, send the samples, and await results. If the kid is yours, great. If not, then you have decisions to make.

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-09-09T09:24:37+00:00

Not all woman cheat but they all have the capacity to. Trust your gut anyways, get the test. Congrats. Now your fucked.

You just welded that plate to the side of your balls.

RedPillCoach · 2018-09-09T17:01:53+00:00

I would definitely swab that kids cheek shortly after it comes bawling into the world but don't tell the wife your concerns.

Honestly, I would not worry at all about your silly concerns and would assume the baby is yours. You had a ton of sex at the bookends of a trip and sperm can live for 3 days. You are going to be a dad! Yah! Congratulations.

However, if it were me- and this is certainly NOT advice or suggestion time but merely an idea- I would directly tell my wife you are getting a genetic swab. If she completely freaked out I would have a serious problem with that and would probably blow the Hell out of my marriage right there. If she got really pissed and hurt but ultimately looked me in the eye and said: "Fine, get the test if you don't trust me, that baby is yours." Then I would not blow up my marriage and I would celebrate profusely and hug my baby excitedly at his or her birth.

I would never bring up the genetic testing with the wife again- but I would still swab that little bastards mouth.

The_Litz · 2018-09-10T05:45:37+00:00

You are going to drive yourself nuts trying to calculate the exact conception date, and in the process be responsible for a shitty pregnancy for you and your wife AND unborn kid. Even in the womb they feel if the mother is stressed.

Enjoy the moment, and when the kid is born order a kit and take a swab, send it away and wait for the results.

STOP LIVING IN YOUR MIND.

Title	Realationship is good but..
Author	cBIGONE
Upvotes	4
Comments	25
Date	September 9, 2018 2:03 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9e9k84/realationship_is_good_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/realationship-is-good-but.204042 https://theredarchive.com/post/204042

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