[FR] Just Say NO

drty_pr · 2017-12-09T08:55:32+00:00

Her "we need to talk"

You "ok, we'll talk when I get home"

Any communication from here til you get home, be it call or text, is met with radio silence.

Then when you get home, go about your night as normal and make her approach you on "the talk". It shows her that you really give no fuck of "the talk". Plus it really takes her sting out of "the talk". The only reason she wants to have "the talk", is because she knows "the talk" makes you nervous.

captainVSI · 2017-12-09T15:25:07+00:00

I was in a very dark and sad place not too long ago. And I came to some serious realizations about myself and my partner. I let go of so much fear after self confrontation. Getting at roots of feelings and acknowledging them.

Now when my partner says “we need to talk”, I’m like “ok, what’s good for you, I’m free to talk at XYZ” (we’re both very busy so we need to schedule shit like that).

I used to be so scared to talk with her. So afraid of the rejection. Now I don’t give a fuck. I killed the pooch in my head. For real. She doesn’t have the golden pussy or the golden heart/mind. She’s just a person. No more pedestal. Remember that man. She’s just another hairless primate.

BobbyPeru · 2017-12-09T03:43:52+00:00

I call

There’s where you went wrong, beta boy

When a chick says “we need to talk,” never let her control the frame. Take charge.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2017-12-09T09:44:43+00:00

"Sorry, hon, I don't have these types of conversations over text. I'll be home tonight, we'll chat then." Then STFU on the texting. TEXT IS FOR LOGISTICS, NOT IMPORTANT CONVERSATIONS!

Also, no DEERING over text. Stop doing that, it makes you look weak to her.

RuleZeroDAD · 2017-12-09T17:43:07+00:00

So you're the assholes who get married on a holiday and make it all about you.

Huge red flag if she suggested it.

As for your situation, all "important" communication is in person. Your relationship is already on life support, so frame is vital.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-12-09T16:15:04+00:00

The key questions are:

Is the work that she put on her list something that needs to be done?
Is the work something you promised to do or is within your area of responsibility?

If no then it may be grounds to fire the customer. If yes, then you are acting like a bitch.

crimson_chris · 2017-12-09T18:09:59+00:00

Three things.

1) OYS. If you were she would bot be asking you to do shit. Simple.

2) Your wife is the oldest teenager in the house. Treat her like a kid. She needs her daddy to protect her and be on her side. The " us against the world thing" is real. My wife and I are in marriage counseling. I love it. I use it to test and reinforce the principles of MRP (covertly). But what is funny that I basically have our MC (female) on "my side". At our last session the MC took my side on something. After the session my wife called the MC a bitch (just to me). I comforted my wife latet in the week when she was ready to talk and she melted in my arms (said that the MC could have handled our issue a bit more delicately). Make a common enemy. Have shared goals. You and your firstmate should be Bonnie and Clyde. If you disagree with her on a subject, try to address it in private, not public.

3) In respect to relationships, women think in feelz - not facts. 90% of my interactions with my wife would fail because I would listen for facts when she talked not feelz. She would get locations, times, dates and sequences of events all fucked up. I would almost always pick apart her logic and a huge fight would ensue. Now I just listen to her feelz. This actually helps me to say way less. Learning womanese make it a bit more easy to steer the ship.

RPAlternate42 · 2017-12-10T00:13:59+00:00

we need to talk

"okay." Then no more communication.

She will take "okay" as clearance to begin "the talk." Except it doesn't mean anything, to you, but "okay."

As she pours out text after text, you simply ignore. She will ask a question. you ignore. She will accuse or shame you for ignoring her. You ignore. She will say something near-to "rethink our relationship..." or something else along the lines of her feigning some kind of retreat from the relationship. It usually includes more shaming language. Probably an insult too.

And you ignore.

And when you get home, you kiss her hello, ask her how her day was, and ask what's for dinner. She may ignore you or say she's mad or some other nonsense. Just stick your lip out and make a puppy dog face, then kiss her again.

And you go about your night, normally. You don't wait for "the talk" or for her to like you. You can't control her... only how you perceive those things.

bogeyd6 · 2017-12-14T21:33:52+00:00

And now you know why we consistently tell people. Testing is for logistics only.

Also, as a quip, no one can type faster than an angry woman.

cholomite · 2017-12-09T03:33:33+00:00

My gf used to give me shit about drunk captain stuff, and about stuff relating to me just being a selfish asshole.

The first category should be treated as a shit test. You don't want to submit to her demands, but you do need to get your fucking shit together. Do it on your own terms, and tease her or AA in the process.

The second category I just had to tell her straight up, "there's no one more important in my life than me, that will never change, so accept it or GTFO." She stuck around and pouted for a minute but I know it's what she secretly wanted to hear.

I don't know what kind of drunk captain shit your girl is calling you on, but it's important to do shit for you, and you only, not because she or anyone else told you to. Depending on what it is, AA or teasing may or may not work, your mileage may vary.

Alphaphux · 2017-12-09T04:52:07+00:00

Before I get the tickets you need to promise to do XYZ

“I promise that I will be a better man, a better husband and a better father. I promise that to myself first and foremost”

She is so desperately calling out for you to find your balls!

Sounds like you’re still angry and resentful at her to some degree (subconsciously or otherwise) and she’s picking up on that and doesn’t want NYE turning into another fight... maybe?

“Let’s put all this on hold, let’s do the NYE event and have a great time and we can discuss our relationship going forward in the new year”

RealityTastesGreat · 2017-12-09T17:55:15+00:00

Sounds like you were offerred an overt contract. Just a quibble.

Title	[FR] Just Say NO
Author	Marcus_Aurtrillius
Upvotes	4
Comments	33
Date	December 9, 2017 3:00 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7ik6ts/fr_just_say_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/fr-just-say-no.205083 https://theredarchive.com/post/205083

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