How do you avoid DEERing and feeling like a you just got walked all over at the same time?

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-11-24T04:36:32+00:00

This is where you fucked up.

“ and said ok won’t do it again.”

This is NOT STFU.

Read NMMNG

Triadis3 · 2017-11-24T03:32:57+00:00

That wasn't a STFU, that's an apology to appease her feelings that you didn't mean. Exponentially worse than STFU or even deer.

You basically rolled over and showed your belly when she got her feelings hurt.

So whose frame do you think that lands you in?

You know, this is an anonymous forum... you can and should tell us the exact circumstances that occurred, so you can get more targeted advice.

A brief bio, where you are in your map, lift numbers, bodyfat, etc... all can allow us to get a better feel for your situation.

You're tolerating the silent treatment.... You have a long road.

Hang here. Take some time to make a detailed post.

Go to MRP and read the weekly "Own Your Shit" threads for an appropriate template. Consider posting there if you're serious about improving your life.

Not much else I can parse out of your seven sentences.

ImSteveMcQueen · 2017-11-24T18:46:48+00:00

I'm also coping the silent treatment for the last 3 hours.

So you turned your phone off and went to a bar or gym to work on you and now you can't hear her ? Good for you !

screechhater · 2017-11-24T06:22:05+00:00

For fucks sake, how about a display of manhood that just owns what the fuck you say it when you say it

Read this we are all dealing with the same shit to some extent.

Read and lift.

BostonBrakeJob · 2017-11-24T08:15:51+00:00

It's avoided by omitting "..i won't do it again."

You are your own judge. You decide if what you said was meant to be disrespectful.

You will also get to a point where you realize that all she wants to hear is that you're sorry, won't do it again and blah blah blah...

So if you, as your own judge, decide it wasn't, you realize it's a huge waste of time to deer in the first place bc whatever you say to justify or clarify will go unheard. Because all she wants to hear is mentioned above.

So you just stfu and stand like the oak while she's fighting for your submission.

Keep reading, keep reflecting, and keep moving forward...even when you do slip up. You'll get there.

AustralianArm · 2017-11-24T03:23:29+00:00

As an apparent newbie (looked at your post history), I think all you can do at present is STFU.

DEERing in this circumstance, no matter how rational your argument, will only come across as whiny and not change anything. Better to learn from it and move forward.

hystericalbonding · 2017-11-24T03:40:10+00:00

Answers are in NMMNG and WISNIFG.

If you absolutely must sell someone on a concept after that, then read How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Soberskipper · 2017-11-24T17:31:19+00:00

Wife: "why did you just say that? It's disrespectful!" You: "that's just my opinion..." Wife: "well you're wrong yadda yadda yadda!!!" You: "that's your opinion, I love it when your opinionated, makes you fiesty, makes you sexy" Grabs arse pulls wife in close, shitest passed maybe a bang too...

Your a man, own your opinions. Period.

creating_my_life · 2017-11-24T04:58:25+00:00

Have you internalized Rule 0 and Rule 1? "Be attractive, don't be unattractive."

Are you in the top 20% of attractiveness? (said another way, what's your age, height, weight, bodyfat, and squat?)

What level of Dread are you in? Why isn't your wife afraid of losing you to a younger, hotter woman who's a better fuck than she is?

You're worried about details when you're likely still overweight and out of shape.

But to answer your question, if YOU thought what you said was acceptable, then the correct answer is "k". And you move on. You're a man with a mission, and can't be bothered by her trivialities. If you reflected and thought what you said was inappropriate, you deliver a sincere apology, then move on.

SimilarSalvation · 2017-11-24T10:05:36+00:00

There are 2 things going on here.

she thinks you did something disrespectful
she called you out on something she thinks was disrespectful

1. she thinks you did something disrespectful

This is a learning moment. Contemplate about your actions without resentment or anger. Maybe she was right? Maybe you were disrespectful? Maybe you should alter your actions, words or non-verbal communication?

No harm done in constantly re-evaluating yourself and improving yourself...

2. she called you out on something she thinks was disrespectful

This is the real shit-test. How to respond to a personal remark, by not DEERing, not appearing to be butthurt and not walking away..

When my LTR blames me for being disrespectful, I don't start defending myself. I ask her why she felt that way and let her speak her mind without interrupting her. I even ask for clarification when she goes broken record. When she is done puking, I say: "I can now see how maybe you could mistake my behavior for being disrespectful. Too bad you got yourself worked up for nothing..." and then..., leave it at that.

This will get her hamster spinning and after some time, she acts like the conversation never really happened. Or she will ask for clarification (asks me to DEER), at which point I rub her hair, pull her close, whisper in her ear "nothing to break your pretty head over", give her a kiss, slap her ass and go do something else (entertain daughter, clean my shed, ...)

STFU does not mean go mute. STFU does not mean stop communicating. STFU means: no DEERING.

You "succeeded"? at no DEER but made it even worse by going mute... You acted like a child who got chastised by mummy. "I won't talk to you because you were mean. You are no longer my best friend and I won't tell you the password to my secret club"..

dandar4600 · 2017-11-24T16:32:31+00:00

You did not shut the fuck up, you straight up apologized when you know you didn't do anything wrong. You did opposite from what the sidebar teaches you.

You don't apologize unless you did something malicious that really deserves apology. Accidents, unfortunate circumstances, perceived lack of respect, slap on the ass that she didn't like, does not get an apology.

I'm really curious what you apologized about. No matter, you are the type of nice guy that No more mr nice guy will beat right out of you. So start reading.

Title	How do you avoid DEERing and feeling like a you just got walked all over at the same time?
Author	mike2261
Upvotes	1
Comments	33
Date	November 24, 2017 2:45 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7f4ggs/how_do_you_avoid_deering_and_feeling_like_a_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-do-you-avoid-deering-and-feeling-like-a-you.205133 https://theredarchive.com/post/205133

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